


Act Out of Hope

by MissLiz



Series: Kitty's Hope [1]
Category: Gunsmoke
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 46,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLiz/pseuds/MissLiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If she didn't get here soon, it wasn't going to matter because he was going to be passed out on the floor. The big, tough marshal, who had no problem dealing with a saloon full of drunken cowboys, was unnerved by all the guests staring at him. If he could just hold out until Kitty got there, he knew all eyes would be on her." In my season 20, Kitty is the star of the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story begins shortly after season 19. As far as I’m concerned CBS perpetrated a massive con making us believe Kitty left Dodge City. Not a sequel to my Kitty Kitty stories, but some references may be made.
> 
> They might own ‘em, but they can’t fool me...

 

 

 Act Out of Hope

 

_We can live in fear or act out of hope_   
_for some kind of peaceful situation_

“Thing Called Love” Sung by Bonnie Raitt, written by John Hiatt

 

 

 

Chapter One

_The candle, as usual, was lit in her window when Matt Dillon returned to town. Impatient though he was to see her, he had no doubt she was long asleep, so he continued on to the stable to take care of Buck for the night. That task completed, he made his way to the jail office, letting himself in quietly to keep from waking Festus._

It was late, much later than she usually waited up for him when he was due back in town, trusting the candle in the window to signal her welcome. Tonight, or, rather, this morning, Kitty was determined to wait up and see him, remembering the times he had slipped into bed next to her without waking her because it was so late, still getting up for morning rounds when she was barely awake enough for a kiss goodbye. She was dozing just a little when the sound of Buck’s hooves clopping in the street woke her. She listened as they made their way to the stable and sat up straighter, trying not to doze off again while she knew he was seeing to his horse. Finally she heard him leaving the stable and smiled in anticipation of hearing his footsteps on the stairs of the Long Branch. Instead, he kept walking in the direction of the jail and she felt a small stab of disappointment as she looked at the candle in her window, reassuring herself it hadn’t gone out. As the minutes ticked by and he still didn’t appear, Kitty finally succumbed to sleep.

_While water heated on the stove, Matt filled the time by writing up reports on his trip out of town. Checking to be sure Festus was still snoring away on his cot, he opened the safe and felt around in the back until he found what he was looking for. He put the small object in his vest pocket and went to see if the water was hot enough for shaving._

The sound of him slowly coming up the stairs woke her. She sat up, shook her head to clear it, and ran her fingers through her sleep-mussed hair. When he opened the door, he saw her sitting patiently on the settee, a welcoming smile on her face. “I was about to come looking for you.”

“Hello, Kitty.” He took off his hat and hung it up without taking his eyes off of her. “You didn’t need to wait up for me, honey.” She patted the seat next to her. As Matt crossed the room to join her the candle in the window finally went out.

“Would you mind lighting the lamp, Matt? I thought we could have a talk.” He looked at her but her face gave away nothing. Should he be worried? She didn’t seem mad, but waiting up all night to have a talk usually didn’t mean good news. He sat down and she raised her arms to embrace him.

“First things first,” she murmured, as they met for their reunion kiss. “Is this why it took so long after you rode in?” she asked, stroking his clean-shaven cheek. “What’s the occasion?”

“Does there have to be an occasion? Just thought it might make my best girl happy.”

“Well, did it?”

Matt’s arms tightened around her. “It seems to be agreeing with her,” he said, bending down for another kiss.

“You didn’t go shave first because you were going to let me sleep.”

“And you didn’t wait up to seduce me, either,” he said, reminding her of the talk they were about to have. “What’s on your mind, Kitty?”

Now that Matt was here in front of her, she was starting to lose her nerve. She knew he didn’t need to know _all_ of it, had probably guessed some of it, anyway, and had never held it against her. No. She _needed_ to tell him. It had been standing between them for far too long. She smiled at him sadly. “It’s just--there are some things I never told you about. It’s time I did.”

“Kitty, you know you don’t owe me any exp--” She put her fingers on his lips.

“Please. Let me talk. This has been weighing on me a lot lately.” She paused for a minute. Looking at him and seeing nothing but love and acceptance in his eyes, she leaned against his chest and continued. “There were others, Matt. Before...ours.” Took him a minute to figure out what she was talking about. The lost baby. He nodded to show he understood, circling his arms around her protectively. Bracing himself for the story she was about to share with him.

“The first one...I knew I couldn’t keep it. I didn’t know who the father was, and it wouldn’t have made a difference if I did. What man is going to claim the child of a wh--” He had his hand over her mouth before she could finish the word.

“Sweetheart, you can tell me whatever you have to tell me and I promise not to interrupt you, but please don’t use that word about yourself again in my presence. What you did, you only did because you had to, and you got out of it as soon as you got the chance. Please. For me.” She nodded and he took his hand away.

“There was a woman we all knew about, that you went to--to get out of that situation. I won’t tell you about it--it’s pretty hard on a woman...or a girl.” She closed her eyes, remembering for a moment hours of pain, at the end of which there was no more baby. “I even knew some girls who died from it. I...almost...di--” She fought to regain control so she could continue. “I had a high fever for days, couldn’t even keep water down. One of my...regulars found out. He was...kind of a gentleman and took me to a real doctor, a good one, who wouldn’t ask any questions. He saved my life, but I was still sick for weeks afterward, couldn’t work. I would have been starving out on the streets if it weren’t for the other girls. They were a pretty rough bunch, but we all kind of took care of each other when it came to that, we knew it could happen to any of us…” Kitty remembered again, losing her room when she couldn’t work, the other girls hiding her out, moving her from storeroom to closet to unused bedroom to keep her from being discovered; sharing their food with her...

Matt stroked her back, not sure by her silence whether she was done with her story. She realized he was waiting to hear the rest. “After that, I decided I could never put myself through that again, and I was feeling pretty guilty about it too, I never thought I would feel that strongly about a child until it happened. The next time I made up my mind I would have it, even if I had to give it away to someone who could take care of it. Well, they found out I wasn’t going to...get rid of it...and they...they--oh, God, Matt!” She hadn’t meant to tell him that much.

His arms tightened around her and he fought the rage that threatened to boil over. He didn’t want to hear these things and, more than anything, he hated that they had happened to her. “Shh, shh.” He stroked her hair, brushing his lips against her temple. “You don’t have to…”

She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue. “They only sent me the roughest men, and when that didn’t get them the...results...they wanted, they beat me until I lost it. And would have made me keep right on working, but the next man they sent turned out to be a human being and helped me get away, told me about a better place to work in Abilene and put me on the stage. There’s not really much to tell about the next one. I lost it right after I found out. Not too long after that I ended up in Dodge. And then...our baby. I was really happy about it, and scared to tell you. I didn’t want you to have to change what you said about not having a family. But I didn’t think you would just abandon the baby, or me, either.”

“No. I wouldn’t have,” he said hoarsely. If only she knew. Maybe he could fix that tonight. This morning.

“So, I just couldn’t tell you. Then you had to go out of town and I decided I would tell you when you came back. Well, you know the rest.”

Matt turned her in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. They sat holding each other for a long time. Finally Matt spoke. “Kitty, I know that was real rough on you and it couldn’t have been easy to tell me. But you don’t have to worry. I told you a long time ago that nothing in your life before us matters when it comes to the way I feel about you. This doesn’t change anything.”

“It does matter, Matt, and there’s a reason I wanted you to know. It’s going to change everything.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Don’t you draw the queen of diamonds boy_   
_she’ll beat you if she’s able_   
_You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet_

"Desperado" Sung by The Eagles, written by Don Henley and Glenn Frey

 

Chapter Two

 

_On his way home from Hays, Matt slowed his horse to a walk and held the reins loosely, trusting Buck to know the way while he did some thinking. Riding alone on the prairie in between duties was the most peaceful part of his job, but it could also be the toughest part, outside of being shot at or having to shoot someone else. It gave him time to think things through, or be tormented by the things which couldn’t be thought through that easily. Just lately the things he couldn’t seem to work through had nothing to do with shooting, although it was certainly a shooting which had started his mind down the path it had been on the last few months. It had been a rough couple of years, particularly for the beautiful redhead waiting for him. He counted himself lucky she was still waiting for him. Matt Dillon wasn’t a church-going man, but he knew he owed a large debt to the Man upstairs that she was still there to decide whether to wait for him or not. When he rode out of Dodge alone with his arm in a sling, not knowing if he’d ever be back, he wasn’t at all sure she’d still be there if he did come back. There had been a long stretch of time during which he’d taken her presence for granted, but the last year had taken its toll on her, and on them, and he knew he couldn’t be sure of anything._

_Nearly losing her twice in less than two months should have been enough for him to get his head on straight about where things stood with them, but for some reason it hadn’t. He didn’t suppose he’d ever know whether or not the shotgun she was holding on Cord Wrecken when he shot him was loaded--he doubted if she had checked afterward to find out either. He had simply reminded himself that she was capable of holding her own without him in a crisis. In the middle of the somber thought of what might have happened if he hadn’t gotten to Wrecken when he had, he had to chuckle at the memory of her, along with her cat, gaining the upper hand over a man who attempted to rob her, before he had any idea of the situation. The chuckle died when he thought of Bonner. The worst of the worst that had ever happened to her. He was still wrestling with guilt that Bonner had taken it out on her and not him. Looking at her battered body and hearing Doc say he didn’t think she wanted to live, he knew he would die, too, if the unthinkable happened, and that he would take Bonner to hell with him. But what had he done, and said? “I need you, Kitty.” That was the best he could do. She deserved to finally hear what she needed to hear, and he still couldn’t give it to her, even then. By some miracle, she had understood, looked at him, tried to say his name before turning her head away. His next actions caused him to hang his head in shame. Waiting only until Doc said he thought she would live, taking off his badge to get his revenge. Knowing she would understand why he wasn’t at her side the first time she woke, asking for him. She deserved better. Bonner could have waited. Wouldn’t have hurt him a bit to stew for a while, wondering when Dillon was coming after him. If only he hadn’t been so caught up in what he needed that he couldn’t see what she needed. And, he finally admitted to himself, he’d been too much of a coward to witness her suffering any longer. Matt knew more thanks were in order that Bonner hadn’t managed to destroy her mind and her heart, though her body was healed long before they came back completely._

_By the time Dan Whelan and his men came to town, she had come back to herself enough to best them in a game of poker--Sam was the one who explained to him just how high the stakes were. Knowing just where to look when he’d pulled the card from her collar, he hadn’t been a bit surprised at which card she’d been holding and didn’t spend much time wondering whether it was by chance or by design. She knew as well as he did what could have happened if anyone had missed the card; as for him, he knew one sorry poker player who would have missed his queen of hearts if she’d been found out._

_And of course in the last year it had been Kitty’s heart, and their relationship, which had been in danger. It chilled him when he thought of how close he came, however unknowingly, to giving another woman what was rightfully Kitty’s. How his remembering who he was in time had depended on the willingness of two people, both with reasons not to, to speak up. She had eventually forgiven him, but he hadn’t yet forgotten the hurt in her eyes when he told her. And another stupid fight, over a ruined trip, had her standing in the jail in front of him talking about the far off someday she had always hoped for, with him. He remembered what he saw in her eyes when she asked him to tell her to tell Will Stambridge “no.”_ Won’t you please fight for me, Cowboy? Fight for us? Are you really just going to let me go? _She was begging for him to make a commitment. Since when did Kitty Russell ever beg anyone for anything? And he couldn’t give it to her. After what had almost happened with Mike, what did happen with Mike, what right did he have to stand in the way of her happiness? In the end, she made the decision, as always, to be with him, but it had been an uneasy time for them since, neither of them quite as sure of the other as they had been previously. Could they withstand another Will Stambridge? another Mike Yardner? He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d truly thought of theirs as a “non-permanent relationship,” but all these years he’d been telling himself he was protecting her by keeping that from her. Didn’t want her to hope for something that could be torn away at any time. She made it quite clear, that day in the jail, that she had held onto that hope from the beginning, anyway. All those years of reading each other, all the things they never had to say in words...why didn’t they both know that about the other?_

_“_ We did. We just didn’t know we did _,” he said aloud. It seemed as though some explanations were in order after all._

_And Mary. This was possibly the most shameful of all. After everything she’d lost, everything she’d given up to be with him, how could he have just dismissed what that baby meant to her? Again, it was his selfish pride, trying to make up for killing Eli Baines, that kept him from seeing it, even after Doc explained it to him. When she was finally ready to talk about it, he learned that it was Mrs. Baines appeal to her that “only a woman who’s carried a child knows the loss” which had changed her mind. Kitty did know that loss, and he marveled at her unselfishness in giving up the child to someone she felt had lost more._

_Noticing the sunset, Matt realized he must have spent a great deal more time thinking than he’d planned on. Even without stopping to eat, he was going to get to Dodge much later than he wanted to. “Giddup,” he told Buck, giving him a light tap. There was a lady in Dodge who’d been waiting way too long for him to buy her that drink._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 Matt waited, and she suddenly realized she had no words prepared for what she was about to tell him. “It’s...really late,” she said, glancing over at the clock. “I think it’s time we both got some sleep. You must be exhausted from riding so late.”

“I don’t think you were done talking, Kitty.” Matt gave her a look that said he wasn’t buying her attempt to change the subject. He settled back into the corner of the settee, studying her face. “I’m listening.”


	3. Chapter 3

_First time I saw you_   
_I knew with you to light my nights_   
_Somehow I would get by_

“Leather and Lace” Sung by Stevie Nicks and Don Henley, written by Stevie Nicks

 

Chapter Three

 

Matt settled back into the corner of the settee, studying her face. “I’m listening.”

Kitty took both his hands and met his gaze. He could see her struggling for just the right words. Not looking away. Her hands began to tremble and she held his tighter than he thought possible. He smiled at her encouragingly. _Tell me, sweetheart._

Suddenly there was nothing but happiness, love for her man, and hope for the future. She smiled back, tilting her head slightly. “I’m kind of surprised about it after all this time, but I’m carrying your baby, Cowboy.” _Please be as happy about this as I am, darling._ His breath caught in his throat and he looked at her, stunned. In that instant, Matt had no knowledge of any words that could have expressed his feelings, nor would he have been capable of uttering them if he had. She watched him, enjoying the effect her news had on him. He looked at her as if he had never seen her before. She had become an entirely new being to him, more than just his woman; she was now the mother of his child. He pulled back slightly to look at all of her, taking in appreciatively the barely noticeable changes in her figure. He brought one hand to her waist, sliding it down to cover the slight swelling just below. He had the same lovesick look on his face he used to get when they were young, the one she always thought meant “I can’t believe this glorious creature is mine,” the one he thought no one else noticed. Finally, a few words reached his consciousness. “By golly, Kitty,” he said, shaking his head. “A baby?”

“A baby.”

“My...baby.” Their eyes met once more.

“Your baby,” she answered, certain she had the same look on her face. He surrounded her in his arms and pulled her toward him for a kiss.

“But...how?”

_“How?”_ she repeated with amusement, arching her brows at him. “As near as I can tell, it must have been the night you came home from...after...your arm. Or any of those nights afterward when you just couldn’t get enough of me,” she said teasingly.

Matt blushed. “No, I meant...well, like you said it’s been a long time. I mean, it looked like, well, I thought...that you couldn’t have any after…”

“So did I. So did Doc. Surprise.”

“It’s a nice surprise, honey.”

“I’m glad you’re taking this so well. Now,” she murmured, softly kissing him under the jawline, “how about getting some sleep?”

“Wait.” Matt gently pulled away. “What did Doc say? Are you all right? Is the baby all right?”

“Well, I’m about three months; Doc says that’s long enough that he thinks the baby is going to...make it. I’ve been feeling really good, not sick at all this time, just, well...late, so I wasn’t sure if it _was_ a baby, I thought maybe I was just...getting old. So I finally went to see Doc last week and he said it’s definitely a baby. He wants to talk to me about some things tomorrow--oh, I guess now it’s _this_ afternoon.” She resumed her kissing and was working her way down his neck.

“Kitty, what does Doc want to talk to you about?” he asked in alarm, interrupting her again.

“Oh, nothing to worry about, I’m sure. Now, if you don’t mind, Marshal, I’m trying to get you over to that bed!”

“And you’re being mighty tempting, too,” Matt said, trying his best to ignore the effect she was having on him. “But you aren’t the only one with things to talk about.”

“What? Matt Dillon wants to talk?” Kitty said playfully, giving him a peck on the cheek. “I’m all ears!”

Matt grinned, shaking his head. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“I’m sorry, Matt, you’re right. I’m being mean. Go on.” She wasn’t at all sorry for teasing him, but if she didn’t stop, he might not say any more, and she couldn’t wait to find out what he had to say at three o’clock in the morning when they could both be sleeping or otherwise occupying themselves in her bed.

“No, you’re right. I guess I deserve that. But, well, you’re going to have to give me a minute. Somehow what I was going to say doesn’t seem quite right after what you just told me. I need to apologize to you. I’ve been selfish and unfair about, well, about a lot of things, and I guess you know what they are.” Kitty nodded slightly and reached for his hand. “But I guess this isn’t really the time to talk about them. So, instead, I want to tell you a little story. It’s about the only thing I have of my mother’s.”

“I didn’t know you had anything left of your mother’s, Matt. I’m sorry. Keep going.”

“I’ve never shown it to anyone. Everything else I had of hers is gone now; all I have left is her wedding ring. She made me promise not to lose it, so, no matter where I went, I always found a safe place to keep it so it couldn’t be lost...or taken from me. I always knew where it was. I knew she wanted me to save it for the girl I married, but...well, I knew I was just going to have to keep it put away. And then one morning I was eating breakfast and I saw her. I didn’t know it was her, yet, but I could tell she was something special. And the more I got to know her, well, one day I realized she was the girl. And I didn’t know what to do. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But what I did know, was no matter what happened between us, it was your ring. I couldn’t see anyone else wearing it. Now I’ve been a fool, Kitty. I thought I was protecting you by keeping us a secret. I wanted you to be like the ring, and keep you in a safe place where no one could hurt you or take you from me. I wanted to always know where you were.”

Kitty hadn’t realized she was crying until Matt reached over to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Do you need me to stop?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Don’t you dare. I can’t wait to see how this story ends.”

He continued. “I never told you this, but I always intended for you to be my wife. I’m so, so sorry I never said it. It’s almost twenty years late, but I want you to have this, sweetheart, no matter what your answer is.” He placed a small box in Kitty’s hand and her eyes widened in recognition. It was wrapped in a piece of the blue and silver paper she used to wrap the first Christmas present she gave him--there was her name, written on the top, in her own handwriting, from where she’d written “Merry Christmas, Matt. Yours, Kitty.” It was tied with a piece of brighter blue ribbon--the ribbon she wore in her hair on the long-ago day of the first time Matt took her fishing. Matt had pulled the ribbon from her hair, just so he could watch it fall around her shoulders and down her back, he said.

She touched the awkwardly tied bow. “You told me you couldn’t find it that day,” she said, laughing through her tears.

“Open it,” he said softly. Inside, lying on a piece of folded silk left over from the first dress she’d had made with him in mind, was the ring. Just a simple gold band, a little worn around the edges, a little dull from not being worn for so many years, it was the most beautiful piece of jewelry Kitty had ever seen. She looked at Matt. “Go on,” he urged. Gently she picked up the ring and, almost in a daze, slowly placed it on her left ring finger. She held her hand out in front of her, knowing that this had to be a dream. Looking at him again, with an expression he couldn’t read, she just as slowly removed the ring and put it back in the box.

“Kitty?”


	4. Chapter 4

_The time I spent away from you_   
_was time lost in the rain_   
_I’m meant to live my life with you_   
_that’s something nothing can change_

“Strong, Strong Wind” Sung by Heart, written by Diane Warren

 

 

Chapter Four

_Kitty Russell wanted to tell the whole world. The only thing that was stopping her from climbing to the roof of the Long Branch and shouting to everyone on Front Street, “Listen, Dodge! I’m having the Marshal’s baby!” was the knowledge that Doc would probably have a heart attack if she did. Well, that, and the fact that Matt deserved to know before anyone else, of course. Walking home from Doc’s office, it was all she could do not to stop everyone she passed by and share the news. Dignity and respectability be damned! Everyone had known, or at least suspected, for years that she was the Marshal’s woman and he was her man. Why shouldn’t she be just as proud as any other woman of the child that resulted? Prouder. Kitty knew that no one in Kansas could be as proud or happy as she was at that moment. Or as impatient. Why in the world had she gone to see Doc when Matt wasn’t due back in town for three more days? She needed to tell him right now!_

_“Afternoon, Sam! Isn’t it a beautiful day?” she greeted him as she walked past the bar, as though she hadn’t just seen him two hours ago._

_Sam looked up from the glasses he was putting away. “Afternoon, Miss Kitty. It is a rather nice day, isn’t it?” Watching her go up the stairs to her rooms, he wondered at the sudden change in her mood. Maybe she’d gotten word that the Marshal was returning sooner than expected. While she was never anything less than pleasant to him, he doubted he’d ever seen her so cheerful while the Marshal was away. He looked at the overcast sky outside, shook his head with a smile, and went back to stacking glasses._

_The night of Matt’s return had finally arrived, and she’d come to the realization that before telling Matt about the baby, she needed to tell him about the other ones. Doc had told her she might have a hard time with the baby, and knowing about the others might help him understand why. This was the longest she had ever carried any of her babies, and she took that as a good sign, even if Doc was still worried. Well, he was a doctor; it was his job to worry. She had other things to worry about, like whether the baby would be a boy or a girl, and what in the world was keeping Matt? He should have been here hours ago!_

_And then he was finally there, and he was so loving while she told him the story that it almost hadn’t hurt to tell it. Then she told him about the baby and she knew her long-ago instinct about him had been right as, with no hesitation at all, he transformed from a lawman with a secret woman to a proud family man in front of her eyes. And then he’d acted accordingly, and proposed marriage, at least, she thought he had. It sounded an awful lot like that’s what he was talking about, as he offered her his mother’s wedding ring along with his love. She put the ring back in the box, wanting to be sure of his intentions before accepting it._

_This was her someday, their someday, and she wanted all of it._

 

Was this her answer? Had he waited too long, after all? Did she think he was only asking her because of the baby? She smiled as she handed the box back to him. “You can put this on my hand for real, Matt Dillon, when we’re standing in front of a preacher.” Relief flooded his entire body.

“You mean, you’ll have me?”

“Well, I might if you proposed to me properly.” Wasn’t that what he was trying to do? “I’ve waited a long time for this and I’d like to hear the words.” _Cowboy, you just made the longest speech I’ve ever heard you make in your life. You can say four little words._ Matt stood up and ran both hands through his hair in an attempt to tame it. Sensing what he was about to do, Kitty suddenly exclaimed “Hold it!” sounding so much like him that he would have laughed under any other circumstances. She grabbed one of the throw pillows from the settee and tossed it on the floor at his feet. Looking up at him she smiled sweetly and said “Continue.”

Matt carefully knelt down in front of her with one knee on the pillow and took her hand. “Miss Russell, I love you, and I hope you will do me the honor of being my wife.” Kitty continued to look at him, still waiting. _Say the words, Matt, please. Ask the question._ “If I haven’t been too much of a fool, will you marry me?” Kitty sat silently and he saw a tear trickle down one cheek, then the other, and he felt his hopes sliding away along with them. “Kitty, I’m sorry. Let me try this again. Tell me what you want me to say and and I’ll say it just the way you want me to.” She began to cry softly, but there was a smile on her face.

“Oh, Matt, that was just perfect. I don’t want you to change a thing. ” She raised her other hand to his cheek. “What you just told me--it’s so much more than I ever imagined. I’m so honored that you want me to have your mother’s ring--” she stopped as she realized the significance of what she was saying. “You stopped to get the ring before you came here.” He nodded. “You were...you were going to ask me before you knew about the baby?”

“That’s right.”

“You know, I think you’re something special yourself, Cowboy. You wait twenty years to tell a girl how you feel and you don’t hold anything back, do you? To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure if I was ready to hear that until now. Sometimes I love you so much I can’t even breathe, like my heart is so full of love that there couldn’t possibly be room for any more. There was a time if you said those things to me I would have turned and run the other way, not because I didn’t love you but because I wouldn’t have known what to do with all that love. We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?” She pulled him toward her, nearly knocking him off balance, and gave him a long, lingering kiss. He returned it enthusiastically, until he remembered she hadn’t actually answered his question. _All right, two can play at that game._

Matt stood up, assumed his Marshal’s stance--feet set apart, thumbs hooked over his belt, and cleared his throat. “Matt, I don’t know what’s going on here, but if you keep standing in front of me that way, some clothes are going to get ripped off.”

“Actually, ma’am, I’m here to inform you that you’re in violation of a city ordinance.”

“What? Oh…now what ordinance would that be?” Kitty caught on to the game and stood, folding her arms in front of her.

“The one that states all proper proposals that take place within the city limits require an official answer.”

“Is that a fact, Marshal?” she asked, edging closer to him.

“That is a fact, ma’am.”

“Well, since I wouldn’t want to be in _violation_ of anything...the answer is yes. I always intended to be your wife, too.” She reached out and caught the front of his shirt in both hands and he pulled her against him. “Just one question, Marshal. Are you aware that there’s an amendment to that city ordinance?”

“Is there.”

“There is. The one that states that whenever his proposal is accepted by the local saloonkeeper the Marshal must perform certain...duties in order to make the engagement official.”

“Is _that_ a fact.”

“That _is_ a fact, Marshal.”

“And does this amendment say where those _duties_ are to be performed?”

“Marshal, that is _entirely_ within the discretion of your fiancee.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Matt had seen neither Kitty nor Doc all day when he went to the Long Branch to pick her up for supper. Finding that she had gone to Doc’s office, he walked over, hearing both of their voices raised when he got close to the door at the top of the steps. He knocked, and the voices stopped. “It’s me.”

“Come on in, Matt, Doc said wearily. He opened the door and stepped in. Doc had nothing more than the usual cranky look on his face, but Kitty sat, arms crossed, lips pressed together, her eyes looking as though they could burst into flames at any moment.


	5. Chapter 5

_So if you're mad, get mad_   
_Don't hold it all inside_   
_Come on and talk to me now_

“I’ll Stand By You” Sung by Pretenders, written by Chrissie Hynde, Tom Kelly, and William Steinberg

 

 

 

 

Chapter Five

 

“Close the door,” Doc told him.

He closed it, saying, “I don’t know if that will help, I could hear you both halfway down the stairs.” He walked over to where Kitty was sitting, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Something wrong?”

“Doc says I’m old.” She sounded hurt, and Matt couldn’t help noticing that she wouldn’t look at either one of them.

“Now where in thunder did you--” Doc sputtered. “Kitty, I never said-- I just said at your age, with your medical history, there’s a larger chance of complications than for the average--”

“Sounds like ‘old’ to me, Doc,” she sighed.

“Matt, I’m glad you’re here. Maybe you can help me talk some sense into this stubborn little girl of yours.”

“Don’t you mean ‘old woman’?” Still not looking at either of them.

“Does someone want to tell me what’s going on here?” Matt leaned against the examination table and looked first at Doc and then at Kitty like they were a couple of gunfighters he was trying to talk down.

“Doc’s trying to turn me into an invalid!” Kitty exclaimed, some of her usual feistiness coming back.

“What?”

“Now, you see, you just keep turning my words around, it’s like you aren’t listening to me at all. When did I say you were going to be an invalid?”

“Kitty, what did Doc say?”

“He wants me to quit working. He forgot I have a business to run.”

“It’s true, Matt. I want her to take it easy, stay off her feet as much as she can, and we both know she isn’t going to do that over in that saloon every night.”

“Now, hold on. Kitty, you said Doc thought the baby would be all right.”

“Oh, is _that_ what she told you?” Doc took off his glasses and rubbed his mustache with one hand. “ I said _if_ she got plenty of rest, didn’t wear herself out, if she did everything I told her to do, that she _might_ be able to carry the baby to full term..”

That sounded much less optimistic than Kitty had been the night before, but he sensed he wasn’t going to be able to make peace with them both in the same room. “Does this need to be decided tonight, Doc? Maybe we can all talk about it tomorrow when everyone has calmed down.”

“Well, I guess one more day won’t hurt. As long as you stay off your feet tonight.”

“That all right with you, Kitty?”

“Fine. I guess I’ll go over and get ready for supper.” Matt walked her to the door and opened it for her.

“Kitty, for a minute there I thought you were going to get after me!” He realized immediately that he’d probably said exactly the wrong thing. _It can still happen, Cowboy,_ her look said. After giving Doc a look Matt wasn’t even going to try to translate, she pulled the door closed behind her, hard, on her way out.

Matt walked back over to Doc and sat down in the chair Kitty had just vacated. “Doc, what was all that about?”

“Well, now that we’re alone, Matt, I might as well tell you, I don’t think she’s really that mad about my not wanting her to work or thinking I called her old. I’ve been telling her that for the last four days and it hasn’t sunk in at all. No, something else set her off tonight. I hurt her, even though I didn’t mean to. I just don’t want her to take any chances with that baby. ”

“Are you going to explain this to me, Doc, or not?” He was beginning to lose his patience with Doc himself.

“No, I don’t think I’d better. This is something that’s between a man and a woman, and I think it might be better if we give her a chance to tell you first, rather than hearing it from me.”

“I’ll go talk to her, but you aren’t making a whole lot of sense right now. It sounds like you think I’m going to call you out for insulting her or something.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Doc sighed, shaking his head as Matt left.

 

Kitty wasn’t getting ready for supper. She had been sitting in one of her arm chairs, lost in thought, since she got to her room. She was already regretting her hasty words to Doc in his office, and even more so the anger behind them. They’d gotten into some heated discussions in the past, but she didn’t think she’d ever _hollered_ at him before. He had just given her the latest in a growing list of restrictions on her activities and she’d responded with “Have you lost your mind, Doc?” and the discussion went downhill from there, although she couldn’t quite remember anything else she’d said before Matt interrupted them. She still couldn’t quite believe what he wanted her to do, or, to be more accurate, what he wanted her and Matt not to do. She heard Matt on the back stairs and dreaded the conversation they were about to have.

“Are we still going out to supper?” he asked as he walked through the door.

“No, if you don’t mind. I don’t feel like it.”

“Are you sick?” he asked, crouching down next to her chair.

“No, I’m just not in the mood to go out now.”

“I can go bring something back.”

“All right.”

“Want to talk about it now?” Matt got up and pulled the other armchair next to hers.

“Did Doc tell you the rest of it?”

“He said he thought he hurt your feelings, and that we have something to talk about.”

“Well, I’m sure I hurt his feelings, too. I said some things without thinking first.”

“Ah, Doc’s tough, he can take it.”

“Yeah.” Matt reached out, taking her hand and waiting for her to continue.

“Matt, what got me so upset at Doc--well, because of the baby, he doesn’t think it’s safe to...he says we shouldn’t...make love. I got up this morning thinking I was going to have everything I ever wanted, and then he goes and tells me I’m not going to be able to be a wife to you.” With that, she started to become tearful and pulled her handkerchief out of her skirt pocket. “Of course he didn’t know that’s what he was saying, because he doesn’t know yet.”

“Of course, you’ll still be my wife, honey. _That_ isn’t going to change. You didn’t tell him?”

“I thought maybe we could tell them all together--Doc, Festus, Sam...why don’t we have them come over after we close tonight and tell them then?”

“Sure. Let’s do that. And don’t worry. There are other ways to make love. And besides, I’d be happy just holding you every night.” She raised her eyebrows. “I would. And so would you. For the baby.”

“For the baby.” She smiled, but the look in her eyes said the matter was far from settled as far as she was concerned.

He stood up. “I’ll go get our supper and we can talk some more.” Kitty stood to walk to the door with him and felt her head begin to swirl. The room started to go dark around her and she swayed against Matt. “Ohhh…” She felt him catch her in his arms as her legs buckled under her. “Kitty? Kitty!” she heard before the blackness overtook her completely.

She came to on her bed, Matt sitting on the edge of the mattress with a worried expression on his face. “What happened?”

“You fainted.”

“I don’t faint,” she said, trying to sit up. This brought on another wave of dizziness, and Matt gently pushed her back against the pillow.

“Well, you did just now. Lie still,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. “Here, drink this.” He held a glass of water to her lips and she drank a few sips. “I’m going to go get Doc.”

“I don’t need Doc. Don’t make a fuss, Matt, I just got dizzy. That’s normal.”

“I’m getting Doc,” he repeated.

“All right. Get Doc. I need to apologize to him anyway.” Matt smiled and brushed his fingers against her cheek. “Oh, and on your way out, could you stop and tell Sam to put a bottle of champagne on ice?” He looked at her in confusion. _You just fainted and now you want champagne?_ “For after closing? When we tell our friends?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised Nov 2014 to include song lyrics. I wanted to use this song several times while writing later chapters of the story, but it never seemed to fit, even though I think it’s a wonderful M/K song (especially if you watch the video). When I came back to add lyrics to this chapter (ironically, I couldn’t find any lyrics that seemed appropriate at the time I originally posted it on another site) I realized I could use the song after all.


	6. Chapter 6

_When the night has come_   
_And the land is dark_   
_And the moon is the only light we'll see_   
_No, I won't be afraid_   
_Oh, I won't be afraid_   
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

“Stand By Me” Sung by Ben E. King, written by Ben E. King, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller

 

Chapter Six

 

She must have fallen asleep because she woke up when she heard the door open. “Matt?”

“It’s just me,” Doc said. “Matt went to get you some supper.” He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat next to her. “Now, what seems to be the trouble? Matt said you fainted.”

“I just got a little dizzy. That’s normal, isn’t it?”

“Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t,” he said, putting his fingers on her wrist to check her pulse. “Mmm hmm,” he said after a moment. “What were you doing when you fainted?”

“I stood up.”

“Mmm hmm,” he said again. He put a hand on her forehead and looked into her eyes. “Well, your pupils look good, you aren’t running a fever, and your pulse is nice and steady.”

“Doc...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about that right now. You can be sorry tomorrow, all right? You have any other symptoms? Any pain, or...bleeding?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“You’d tell me if you were, right?”

“Of course.”

“Well, then, let’s try sitting up a little. Take it slow, now,” he said as she sat forward. He piled her pillows behind her and she sat back against them. “Now, can we talk about a few things without you trying to take my scalp off?”

“Doc, I said I was sorry--”

He chuckled. “Yes, you did. Well, I think what happened tonight was probably normal, but if it keeps happening I want you to tell me. Now, what if you had fainted downstairs instead of up here in your room? And think about what else could go wrong while you’re working. I don’t want you getting caught in the middle of a barroom brawl, or worse….You have more than yourself to worry about now. And you don’t want Matt having to worry about both of you every night, do you?”

“No, Doc. But Matt’s going to worry anyway.”

“Well, then, why in thunder would you want to make him worry even more?”

“I don’t. I don’t care that much about working, Doc. I can get someone to help Sam. But, what you said about Matt and me. Why? I need him, Doc. I need him...we’ve never been apart that long.” She was beginning to get tearful again. Doc took her hand.

“Now, let me tell you something, young lady. You aren’t going to be apart, not for that reason. Matt’s still going to be with you, just as much as he can. And as for why--well, I just don’t want you to take any chances with that baby. I know how much the baby means to you, but do you have any idea how much it means to me? I’d take it very personally if you didn’t do everything you could to keep yourself and the baby healthy and something happened.”

“I know, Doc. What you told me before didn’t really bother me much, it was about what I expected. But this afternoon, well, you scared me. I don’t like it. I don’t want to spend all my time worrying, I just want to be happy.”

“Well, then, why don’t you let me do the worrying and you can just enjoy getting ready to be a mother. Now, I can’t promise you that everything will be fine if you follow my orders, but you’ll give me considerably less gray hairs if you do. Well, I think I hear Matt coming back with your supper.” The door opened and Matt came in with their tray. “Matt, it’s about time you got back. I thought maybe you had to go out and rope that steer yourself.”

“Not hardly, Doc, I think this one probably just laid down and died.” Matt took the tray over to the table while Kitty got out of bed under Doc’s watchful eye.

“I think you’d better quit talking about our food that way if you expect me to eat any of it. Doc, can you come by at closing time tonight?”

“Now, what did we just get through talking about?”

“Oh, I’ll stay away until then, I promise. But, please, come around then and have a drink with us.”

“I’ll do that. Matt, I want you to make sure she eats,” he said on his way out the door.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you Doc?” Kitty called after him.

When the last customer had gone, Kitty descended the stairs and sat down at a table near the bar to begin working on the books. “Go ahead and close up, Sam, but don’t lock up just yet. Matt’s coming by for a drink later with Doc and Festus. Did Matt ask you to put that champagne on ice?”

“He sure did, Miss Kitty, it should be ready now. May I ask what the occasion is?”

“Oh, you’ll find out. You are going to join us after all.”

“I’d be honored. Miss Kitty?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Are you feeling all right?” His employer’s absence the entire night hadn’t gone unnoticed by him or by the regular customers, and he’d heard Doc go up earlier in the evening, so inquiring after her health seemed like the proper thing to do.

“I’m fine, Sam, please don’t worry about me.”

“Yes, ma’am. Well, I think I hear them now, should I lock the door after them?”

 

When they were all seated at a large round table in the middle of the room, Sam brought the open bottle of champagne and glasses and took his seat with the rest of them. Kitty poured and handed each one a glass. Festus raised his glass to his mouth. Doc grabbed his arm just in time.

“Wal, what’s gotten into you, you ol’ scudder?” Festus exclaimed. “I’m fixing to drink this ‘ere drink, don’tcha see?”

“Now, just wait a minute. It appears that there’s about to be some sort of announcement. You can just have your drink afterwards.”

“Doc’s right, Festus. There is an announcement.” Kitty looked at Matt sitting next to her and smiled.

“Well, you all know how I feel about speeches, so this won’t take long,” Matt said, putting his arm around Kitty and gently pulling her next to him. “We wanted you all to be the first to know that this beautiful lady has finally agreed to make an honest man of me.”

Kitty murmured, so that no one else could hear, “That’s not the way I remember it, Cowboy, but if you want to rewrite twenty years of history, I have no objection.”

“Now,” Matt said, raising his glass, “would you all join me in a toast to my lovely bride-to-be?” They all raised their glasses.

“Hear, hear,” Doc said. “Kitty, I always knew I’d end up losing you to that oversized lawman someday.”

“Now, Curly, you didn’t really expect me to wait for you forever!”

“Well, I just couldn’t be happier for the both of you. Couldn’t be happier.” Doc watched as Kitty and Matt exchanged kisses, for the first time publicly acknowledging the extent of their relationship. For the moment they only had eyes for each other.

“Congratulations, Miss Kitty, Marshal,” Sam said, smiling proudly. He couldn’t help noticing that Miss Kitty hadn’t touched her champagne and wondered if she was feeling ill after all.

“If that ain’t the biggest and bestest news I heard in a long spell!” Festus exclaimed, downing his champagne in one gulp. “Say, that champeen is plumb tasty! You orta serve that more often, Miss Kitty. Ya got any more?” he asked hopefully.

“The bottle’s empty, Festus. But here, take mine. I’m not very thirsty.”

“Much obliged, Miss Kitty.” Festus raised the glass again. “Here’s mud in yore eye!”


	7. Chapter 7

_Thinking 'bout you every day_   
_Dreaming 'bout you every night_   
_Hoping that you feel the same way_   
_Now that we know it, let's really show it, Darlin'_

_Let's give them something to talk about_

“Something to Talk About” Sung by Bonnie Raitt, written by Shirley Eikhard

 

 

Chapter Seven

 

Matt was all for getting married the day after announcing it to their friends, and as much as Kitty would have liked to be married immediately, she wanted more than a hurried ceremony by a justice of the peace. From the moment she had first allowed herself to hope for a future with Matt, a church wedding wearing a dress made especially for the occasion had been part of her dream. She might have been older than most brides and with a baby already on the way besides, but she was going to have the wedding she wanted.

“You understand, don’t you Matt? I’m proud to be marrying the man I love, and I want everyone to see that. I want to wear a beautiful dress just for you and see you waiting at the altar for me.”

Matt had to admit he wanted the same thing, but…”I thought you would want to right away, before I get called away on business at the last minute.”

Kitty said nothing, but her eyes weren’t letting him off that easy. _You’d better make sure that doesn’t happen, Cowboy. Not this time. Somehow._ Kitty smiled and Matt knew whatever she was about to say next was going to settle the discussion in her favor. “Matt, that’s not the only thing we have to consider. Besides having a dress made, we need to find a place to live, unless you were planning on moving into the Long Branch.” Matt was shaking his head. “And I need to get the business sorted out so Sam can run things without me. And I want a honeymoon.”

Matt had to raise an eyebrow at the word “honeymoon.” He had an idea Doc would have something to say about Kitty doing any traveling. Other than that, Kitty had backed up her romantic notions with practical reasons he couldn’t argue with. “All right, Kitty, you win. Will two weeks be enough to for all that?” She nodded. “All right, then, while you work on the dress, and the business, and get the preacher arranged, I’ll take care of a place to live and the honeymoon.”

“Oh, I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” Kitty shook her head. “You’re a better gambler than I give you credit for, Matt.” She couldn’t wait to see Matt’s idea of a honeymoon. “One more thing, Cowboy. You are getting a new suit.”

Although they hadn’t officially announced their engagement beyond the gathering with their friends at the Long Branch, it wasn’t long before rumors began flying. By the time Kitty had taken three days off work, there was much speculation as to the reason why as well as her whereabouts. Most people simply thought she had gone on another trip, although when asked, Sam and the saloon girls would only say that she had taken the day off. Others were sure she had finally left Dodge City for good, but, if so, why was the Long Branch still open? No one dared ask the Marshal, even if he did seem to be in unusually good spirits for someone whose lady might have up and left town.

On the morning of the fourth day, Kitty finally left her upstairs rooms. She had a fitting with her dressmaker and an appointment with her lawyer to sign papers authorizing Sam to act on her behalf in running the Long Branch. After that she would go speak to the preacher to arrange the ceremony. If anyone was shocked to see her walking on Front Street, they kept it to themselves, at least until they met up with friends and neighbors in the stores, saloons and cafes.

A telegram started the next round of gossip. Kitty had stopped at the jail once her errands were completed to see if Matt was interested in taking her to lunch.

“How does two weeks from this Saturday sound?” she asked, sitting on the corner of his desk and providing a welcome distraction from the paperwork he couldn’t concentrate on anyway.

“Well, that sounds just fine. Is it in the morning like I asked for?”

“Yes, eleven o’clock, and I sure hope I can get up early enough to be ready on time. Are you going to tell me why you want a morning wedding?”

“Because I don’t want to spend the whole day waiting for you to become my wife. What if you change your mind by the time the ceremony starts?”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to come after me, Marshal. Well, all right, if you aren’t going to tell me why I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out, won’t I?”

Matt was writing something on a piece of paper. “Kitty, can you do me a favor?”

“Would this _favor_ require me to lock the door and close the curtains?” She looked at him hopefully.

“Not unless I want Doc to get after me. Would you mind taking this to the telegraph office for me?”

“Of course not, but I’m just wondering why. You’ve never asked me to send a telegram for you before.”

Matt grinned. “Oh, I just thought since you weren’t going to be working at the Long Branch anymore, you might want a job as my secretary.”

Kitty threw her head back and laughed so hard Matt was forced to grab her around the waist to keep her from falling off his desk. “Think again, Matt. But sure, I’ll take this one for you. And don’t forget you’re going to the tailor this afternoon for your new suit.” The sound of jingling spurs coming down the boardwalk alerted them that Festus was on his way to the jail. Kitty stood up and then leaned over to give Matt a quick peck on the cheek just before Festus walked in.

“Morning, Miss Kitty, if you ain’t a sight fer sore eyes! A course, it’s nearly noon, now. Ya thinking on goin’ to lunch, are ya, Matthew?”

“Well, Festus, I was just going to take Kitty for lunch after she runs an errand.”

“Oh, I kin go do that errand fer ya, Miss Kitty, if you and Matthew wanta go eat now.”

“Thank you anyway, Festus, but I could use the walk.” Kitty was suddenly curious about the contents of the telegram. Matt had made such a point of her delivering it for him that he must want her to read it. “I’ll see you in a while, Matt, Festus.”

She waited until she was a block from the jail and ducked around a corner to see what the note said.

To War Department Washington DC  
Unavailable 10 Nov to 20 Nov stop Personal business stop Authorize deputies Haggen and OBrien all duties stop

Signed M Dillon US Marshal Dodge City Kansas

“Personal business…” Kitty whispered. Suddenly she had to lean against the wall of the building for support. Ten days! She had no idea if it was allowed or if the War Department would agree to it, but it looked as though Matt were taking ten days off for their wedding. “Ten days...for us?” What else could it mean?” Were she and the wedding...were _they_ finally going to come before the badge? Kitty felt a hand on her arm.

“Miss Kitty? Are you all right?” It was Newly.

“I’m fine, Newly. I just stopped to catch my breath for a minute.”

Newly appeared unconvinced. “If you’ll pardon my being forward, ma’am, the Marshal’s told me your news. Both...parts of it.” He was beginning to look a little flustered. “I only bring it up because you look as though you aren’t feeling well. Why don’t you let me walk you home? And maybe get Doc or the Marshal for you?”

Kitty smiled uncertainly. It was unlike Matt to confide something that personal to anyone. Well, he must have had his reasons. In the meantime, she couldn’t very well explain to Newly the real reason for the state he had just found her in, without admitting to snooping into Matt’s official correspondence.

“I appreciate your concern, Newly, but I really am just fine. As a matter of fact, I’m going to meet Matt for lunch as soon as I take this to the telegraph office. So, please don’t worry about me.” She held up the paper she had thankfully refolded before Newly had caught her.

“All the same, Miss Kitty, I’d sure feel better if you’d let me walk along with you. I’d hate to have to face the Marshal if I let you go on by yourself and you fainted out here in the street.”

“Well, since you put it that way, Newly, how could I refuse the offer of a handsome young escort?” She smiled and took the arm he was offering.

By the next day, enough citizens of Dodge had compared notes that the various pieces of gossip--Matt’s telegram to the War Department; Kitty’s visits to the dressmaker; the rumor that the same dressmaker was making a wedding gown for someone; Kitty’s meeting with the preacher on a day when there was no Ladies’ Aid business going on; and Matt’s appearance at the tailor shop added up to only one conclusion. The man and woman at the center of Dodge City’s worst kept secret were finally about to make things official.


	8. Chapter 8

_And all these dreams I saved for a rainy day_   
_They're finally comin' true_   
_I'll share them all with you_   
_'Cause now we hold the future in our hands_

“Almost Paradise” Sung by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson, written by Eric Carmen and Dean Pitchford

Chapter Eight

_It was a beautiful morning for a wedding. It was sunny and unseasonably warm, and every last detail had gone perfectly from the moment she woke up. In a few minutes Kitty Russell would be Mrs. Matt Dillon._

_“If anyone present knows any reason why these two should not be united in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace,” the preacher intoned._

_Suddenly, from the back of the church, a drunken voice belligerently declared, “Hold on, Marshal Big Fist! You can’t marry this woman!”_

_Kitty closed her eyes. “Oh, no…” she moaned. That wretch was going to ruin everything! How did he even find out?_

_“Sir,” the preacher said disdainfully, “please state your reason for interrupting this ceremony.”_

_“Because she’s already married to me! She’s Mrs. Emmett Holly!”_

_The wedding guests let out audible gasps, and Kitty finally dared to look in his direction. It was even worse than she imagined. Sergeant Emmett Holly was making his way down the aisle toward the altar on his horse. She looked at Matt, standing in front of her. He looked ready to rip Holly in half._

_She grabbed both of his hands. “Matt, calm down. I told you before, we were never married. There was no wedding, not even a fake one! Just let the other men handle him, please!”_

_“Like hell I will!” Matt said through gritted teeth. The preacher gasped and Kitty smiled at him apologetically. “Holly, I’ve had as much of you as I’m going to take in one lifetime!” He strode away from the altar and stood in front of Holly’s horse. “Now get down from there and fight like a man!”_

_“Matt, please, he’s not worth it!” Kitty cried._

_Holly stayed on his horse. Both men drew their guns._

_“I’ve come back to claim my bride!” Holly shouted gleefully. “You’re coming home with me, Miss Kitty!”_

 

“Miss Kitty?” Someone was knocking persistently. “Miss Kitty?”

Kitty sat up in bed with a gasp, looking around her bedroom, disoriented, her eyes finally falling on her wedding dress hanging in the corner.

“Oh, thank God!” she whispered, falling back against her pillows with relief.

“You all right, Miss Kitty?” It was one of the girls.

“What is it, Dorie?”

“You asked me to wake you up at eight o’clock,” Dorie answered. “Are you ready to have your bath water brought up?”

“Oh! Yes, that’s fine! Much obliged, Dorie!” Kitty said enthusiastically, for once grateful for having been woken from a sound sleep. Of all the dreams of interrupted weddings she’d had in the last two weeks, that had to have been the strangest one. And certainly the one she was most glad to have awoken from. Most of the dreams had Matt being called away for increasingly outlandish situations, and the night before last she had spent most of the night dreaming that she was looking for Festus all over town so she could have him cut the telegraph wires to prevent Matt from getting an order that could keep him away from their wedding. _At least_ that _dream actually made sense..._

Kitty lay back in her lilac-scented bath, enjoying the last few minutes she had alone before the girls came in to help her get ready. In just two hours she and Matt would be standing in front of a church full of people saying their vows, then they would be surrounded by well-wishers afterwards at the party at the Long Branch. The next time she was alone...she wouldn’t really be alone, she would be with Matt. _Alone with Matt._ She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Matt had planned for their honeymoon. She knew, of course, that the kind of honeymoon she had in mind when she first mentioned one to Matt was out of the question. Doc had seen to that. “Nothing further than a day’s buggy ride away from Dodge,” he declared, even though he admitted he was being over-protective. The truth was she really didn’t want to spend half their honeymoon riding the stage or train. Nor would she truly enjoy the entertainment that drew her to the larger cities, knowing that Matt would only accompany her to make her happy. She could honestly say that any honeymoon which involved the two of them spending time together, away from the badge, would suit her just fine.

“Miss Kitty?” The girls were here. It was time to get ready. She quickly dried off and threw on her robe.

“I’ll be right out. Don’t start without me.” She opened the door to her bedroom and walked over and sat at her vanity table. After trying several times, unsuccessfully, to pick up her hairbrush, she gave up. “It’s a good thing you girls are here to help me,” she said. “My hands are shaking so bad, Heaven knows what my face and hair would look like if I had to do them myself. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

“It’s your wedding day!” Melody, the youngest Long Branch girl exclaimed. “You’re supposed to feel that way.”

“I wish someone had told me that sooner. I could have avoided this and eloped,” she tried to joke.

“You’d still be nervous,” said Alice, the oldest of the three girls. Suddenly she and Melody grabbed Kitty by the shoulders and turned her around, facing away from the mirror.

“What--what are you girls up to?”

“Now, Kitty,” Alice said. “Just let us take care of you. We don’t want you to worry about a thing. You just relax and think about the look on the Marshal’s face when he sees you. Now let’s start with your nails.” Alice and Melody each took a hand while Dorie went to work curling her hair.

She tried to think of Matt, which only made her more nervous. “I wonder how he’s doing. We should send someone to check on him.”

“Oh, I guarantee you he’s twice as nervous as you are,” Dorie said. “But Festus, Doc and Newly are with him, so I wouldn’t worry too much about him.”

“Kitty, you take such good care of your nails. We don’t have to do a thing to them,” Alice said, rubbing some lotion into her hands soothingly. “The way he was putting them away last night, I would guess he’s probably still pretty calm.”

“What are you talking about?” This was not something Kitty cared to hear. Every woman she had talked to in the last week made a point to remind her that it was bad luck for them to see each other before the ceremony on their wedding day, so they had parted well before midnight the night before. Festus and Doc were buying him a drink when she went up to bed. She was beginning to wish she had asked him to stay anyway.

“Well, Kitty, he _is_ the Marshal, so every man in the Long Branch wanted to buy him a beer last night to celebrate. Of course, he didn’t drink _all_ of them, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a hangover.”

“Alice, that’s so disrespectful! And you sure aren’t helping Miss Kitty’s nerves any, telling her a thing like that.”

“It’s all right, Melody,” Kitty said. She’d never seen Matt drunk even once in twenty years, much less hung over, so she was just going to have to hope for the best with that piece of gossip. With that, the girls changed the subject and got to work in earnest on Kitty’s hair and makeup. She tried to relax, only half listening to their talk. She was beginning to question just a little her decision to put three saloon girls in charge of getting her ready for a church wedding, but she trusted them. And she as well as everyone else knew that she had been a saloon girl when Matt fell in love with her, and he would still love her, no matter how much or how little “paint” she had on when she walked into the church. No one else mattered.

“There! All finished!” Dorie announced. Kitty tried to look around at the mirror but Alice blocked her view.

“No, wait until you’re dressed!” Melody said excitedly. The girls turned their backs and busied themselves while she put on her underthings and then Melody came over to help her with her corset. Kitty gasped when she pulled the strings a little too hard. “I’m sorry, Miss Kitty! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

“It’s all right, just loosen it up a little bit.” The girl looked near tears and she tried to put her at ease. “I guess I’m not the only one who’s nervous.”

“Well, now let’s get the dress on you,” Alice said. The three girls carefully brought the dress to Kitty and held it in front of her while she stepped into it. She waited as patiently as she could while they pulled the sleeves of the dress up her arms, then buttoned and fastened, pulled and arranged until they were satisfied with the way it looked. Then had to wait a little longer while they fussed with and pinned her headpiece until it was just right.

“What jewelry are you wearing, Kitty?” Alice asked, looking around.

“Jewelry? I hadn’t even thought about it!” The three looked at her in amazement; they couldn’t remember ever seeing her not wearing any. “I guess all I care about today is the ring. Did I tell you girls it’s his mother’s wedding ring?” She smiled at the memory of Matt presenting it to her.

“That’s so romantic!” Dorie sighed.

“Yes, that’s exactly what it was,” Kitty agreed. “But I still can’t believe I didn’t think of any other jewelry. We don’t have time now.”

“She doesn’t need any. She’s already too beautiful.” Melody said, looking at Kitty in awe.

“I think you might be right,” Dorie agreed.

“Well, maybe just some earrings.” Alice suggested, and looked through the jewelry box on the vanity. “How about these?” she asked, holding up a simple pair of pearl earrings. The other two girls agreed, so Alice put them on for her. “Well, I think you’re all ready now.” The girls stood back to admire their handiwork.

“Kitty, you’re so beautiful!”

“Perfect!”

“You look just like a queen.”

“Girls, you’re embarrassing me. Are you going to let me see what I look like?” They led her to the full-length mirror and stood behind her. Kitty stared at herself and had to admit that the girls might be right. She had never felt more beautiful or elegant in her life. Then the full realization hit her. _I’m the bride. I’m getting married. Today._ She could see the girls were waiting for her to say something, so she turned to face them. “It’s just perfect. You did a really good job, and it was so nice being fussed over. Thank you, girls.” She tried to hug them, but they wouldn’t let her, saying she would spoil her dress.

“It was our pleasure, Miss Kitty,” Melody said. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“That must be your escort.” Dorie went to answer it. “Hello, Doc, she’s all ready. We’re going to head over there, if it’s all right with you, Miss Kitty.”

“Thank you again, girls. I’ll see you later.”

The three girls left and Doc stepped into the room. Kitty turned to look at him.

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” He rubbed a hand over his mustache.

“It _is_ the most beautiful dress in the world, isn’t it, Doc?”

“Made even more beautiful by the one wearing it.”

She smiled at him. “Oh, you old flatterer! Do you think he’ll like it?”

“I think you know the answer to that question.”

“Doc, I--” She desperately needed to say something to him, but couldn’t quite find the words. “I’m getting married.”

“Well, if we get you over to that church, you are. Are you ready?” He held his arm out.

She picked up her cloak from the settee. “Can you help me with this?”

“Sure. We don’t want anything to ruin that dress before we get there,” he said, wrapping it around her shoulders and fastening it. “Now are we ready?” He held out his arm again.

“Thank you, Doc. For everything.”

“That’s all right. Now, I happen to know there’s one very nervous public servant over at that church waiting to get a look at his bride.”

She took his arm, finally, and they headed out the door. “Doc,” she said again. He looked at her patiently. “He did get a new suit, didn’t he?”

Doc chuckled and shook his head. “Well, as a matter of fact, he did.”

“It’s exactly like his old one, isn’t it?”

 

Matt stood at the altar at the front of the church, wearing a new suit that looked just like his old one. He didn’t know what was wrong with the old one, but Kitty said he needed a new one, so he got one. It wasn’t until Doc started laughing this morning that Matt realized she meant a _different_ suit. He hoped she wasn’t going to be too upset about it. On the other hand, if she didn’t get here soon, it wasn’t going to matter because he was going to be passed out on the floor. The big, tough marshal, who had no problem dealing with a saloon full of drunken cowboys, was unnerved by a church full of wedding guests, all staring at him standing up there next to the preacher. If he could just hold out until Kitty got there, he knew all eyes would be on her and no one would be looking at him at all.

Reverend Paige, the new young preacher, patted his shoulder. “You gonna be all right, there, Marshal?” Matt gave him a half smile and nodded. “You want me to try to find out what’s keeping them?” Matt was about to answer when he heard the outside door of the church open and the sound of muffled voices. Someone in the back pew got up and peeked out the sanctuary doors, returning and whispering to a person in the pew in front of his. The message traveled forward pew by pew until he could finally hear what they were saying.

“She’s here.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #1 I would like to offer my deepest apologies for the lack of a description of Kitty’s wedding dress. My writing talent is completely unequal to the task. Just trust me that the dress is, in fact, the most beautiful dress in the world. If you want to, feel free to replace that with your own idea of the most beautiful dress in the world.
> 
> #2 Reverend Paige is the name of the pastor who taught my confirmation class when I was in the seventh grade. I decided the character needed a name other than “the preacher” and I used this name because my confirmation class was the same year as season 19 of Gunsmoke. (And now you all know how old I am.) Please note that I referred to him as the NEW preacher, not to be confused with the “pompous windbag” mentioned in a previous story of mine.


	9. Chapter 9

_Oh, promise me that you will take my hand,_   
_The most unworthy in this lonely land,_   
_And let me sit beside you in your eyes,_   
_Seeing the vision of our paradise_

"Oh Promise Me" Words by Clement Scott, music by Reginald De Koven

 

 

Chapter Nine

 

The sanctuary doors opened and suddenly Kitty appeared, her hand on Doc’s arm. Matt felt himself sway just a little when he saw her, and Reverend Paige grabbed his upper arm with both hands to steady him. He felt her eyes searching for his and returned her gaze. _Hello, Kitty. You look mighty pretty in that new dress._ That wasn’t even close to what he meant to say to her, but she would understand. _Morning, Matt. Nice day for a wedding, isn’t it?_ He could feel all the love she had for him behind those simple words. He smiled the lovesick smile he had always had for her in his younger years and, seeing this, the wedding guests turned toward the back of the church to get their first look at the bride. Kitty returned his smile, and Doc felt the hand on his arm relax. “I’m ready now, Doc.” They took a step into the aisle and the wedding guests rose to their feet. Just as he’d predicted, Matt felt considerably better now that everyone was looking at Kitty and not him. Kitty kept her eyes on Matt and barely noticed the guests standing and watching her as Doc accompanied her to the front of the church. She took her place at the altar opposite Matt. Before Doc could leave, Kitty put her arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Doc left the altar to take his seat, rubbing his hand across his mustache in a way that was familiar to everyone present.

Before the preacher could begin to speak, Kitty smiled again and reached for Matt’s hand. _I love you, Cowboy. Let’s get married now._

_You bet,_ he answered.

“Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony….” Reverend Paige talked about marriage for a few minutes while the bride and groom stood in each other’s eyes, waiting to take their vows.

“Kathleen, wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband to live together after God’s ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?”

Kitty looked at the face of the man she had loved in sickness and in health for nearly half her life and answered, “I will.”

“Matthew, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife to live together after God’s ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her, so long as you both shall live?”

“I will.” _Forsaking all others keep thee only unto her._ That meant the badge. Someday in the future he knew he was going to have to forsake that badge. Until that time he knew he was going to have to work out a way to put Kitty first. Kitty saw a change come over his face that she couldn’t read and was looking at him with a puzzled expression. He smiled at her and then began to repeat the vow the preacher had just given him to make.

"I, Matthew, take thee, Kathleen, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

“Now, Kathleen, repeat after me…” Reverend Paige began.

"I, Kathleen, take thee, Matthew, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till…” Kitty faltered for a moment at the next word. “...death do us part, and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Now it was time for the ring. Kitty looked at her left hand as Matt lifted it and repeated the words. “Kathleen, I give thee this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor thee, in the Name of God.” Tears filled her eyes as Matt slipped his mother’s wedding ring onto her finger. Looking up, she saw he had tears of his own.

“Now that Matthew and Kathleen have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. Those whom God hath joined together let no one put asunder.”

Before the preacher had a chance to say anything more, Matt reached out and lifted Kitty’s chin. _Hello, Mrs. Dillon._ He bent down to kiss his wife. In front of God and everybody.


	10. Chapter 10

_You smiled, you smiled_   
_oh and then the spell was cast_   
_And here we are in Heaven_   
_For you are mine_   
_at last_

“At Last” Sung by Etta James, written by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren

 

 

Chapter Ten

 

Matt stood uncomfortably next to the bar, wondering if it was too early to find Kitty and leave. He didn’t care for social gatherings like this, and his own was no exception. He hadn’t seen his wife since they’d walked in an hour and a half earlier, when several ladies swooped in and whisked her away to the far end of the room, where she was immediately surrounded by every female over the age of fifteen, all exclaiming over her dress, and the wedding ceremony, and whatever else ladies talked about when large numbers of them gathered together. Since then, every time he tried to find her, he was stopped by someone who wanted to shake his hand, clap him on the back, and tell him what a lucky man he was. He’d give them no argument about that, but right now he was feeling lucky to have caught a few glimpses of the back of her red hair.

Suddenly he noticed Doc heading in his direction. Doc grabbed his arm and tried to yank him in the general direction of the group of ladies. “You need to get Kitty out of here,” he said in an urgent tone.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, resting his hand on his hip just above his gun. Doc rolled his eyes.

“Nothing you’re going to need a gunfight over, hopefully. Well, she’s as white as a sheet. I doubt if she’s had anything to eat today but wedding cake. Get her away from that hen party and sit her down somewhere before she faints. I’m going to ask Sam to get her a sandwich or something.”

“Have him bring it to her office.” Matt started for the group of women, stopping for a moment at the refreshment table to pour a glass of water. When he got close enough to see her, it appeared that Doc had been exaggerating a bit. She stood there holding a plate with a mostly untouched slice of cake, an insincere smile on her face. She looked tired and definitely not happy to be there.

“Excuse me, ladies; I’d like to speak to my wife if you don’t mind.” Kitty felt Matt’s hand at her back, guiding her away from the women who had been crowded around her, no doubt looking for some tidbit of information they could use to gossip about the reason for the sudden marriage of the Marshal and the saloon owner after so many years, judging by the number of times the subject of babies and children had been brought up.

“Thanks, Matt, I think I’ve gotten just about all the housekeeping advice I can use for one day. Apparently they don’t think I know how to do anything but pour drinks. Is that for me?” She reached for the water.

“You look like you need to sit down. Have you had anything to eat today?” Matt unlocked the office door and opened it, following her in.

Kitty sank into her office chair wearily. “I’m a little light-headed, I guess,” she admitted, sipping the water. “And here I thought you just wanted to be alone with me.”

“Well, sure I do. And Doc’s seeing about getting you something to eat.”

“So the two of you are ganging up on me?” A knock on the door kept Matt from having to answer the question. “Come in.”

“Doc thought you could use something to eat.” Sam set a plate on Kitty’s desk. “That’s my fault, Miss Kitty, I didn’t even think to see that you had breakfast this morning, with us being closed and all.”

“That’s all right, Sam. I guess we all had too much on our minds this morning to eat.” She reached for the sandwich and took a bite.

“I just wanted to say congratulations again. It was a wonderful ceremony.”

“Thank you Sam. Can you stay for a few minutes? I just wanted to talk about a few more things before we go.” Matt saw Kitty signal toward the door with her eyes and took the hint.

“Well, I think I’ll be getting our bags loaded and the horses ready so we can leave soon. Much obliged, Sam,” he said, shaking Sam’s hand.

“You’re welcome, Marshal. Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll be back in a little while, Kitty.”

“See you later, Matt.”

Kitty motioned to Sam to sit in the other chair. “Sam, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you taking care of things for me, and without much of an explanation.”

“You don’t owe me any explanations, Miss Kitty, most women stop working when they get married. I’m happy to do it.” Sam, of course, knew his employer was not “most women.”

“Just the same, I’m going to give you one. The papers I had drawn up authorize you to make any decisions you see fit, and that includes selling it.” At his startled look, she continued. “No, I’m not ready to put it up for sale yet, but if someone makes a good offer on the place in the meantime, feel free to take it. That includes you, Sam. If you’re interested in buying me out, name your price and it’s yours.”

“That’s very generous, ma’am, and I’ll sure think that over. Are you sure you want to sell?”

“Well, it’s time for me to think about getting out of the saloon business. A saloon and a family don’t mix. And I stopped working because Doc wanted me to. What I’m trying to say is--”

“I understand, Miss Kitty.”

“You don’t seem surprised, Sam. How did you know?”

“I suspected, that’s all. You’ve had that look on your face a woman gets when--well, that a woman gets.” Sam had volunteered few details over the years about his personal life beyond what an employer needed to know. Kitty had to wonder what Sam knew about “that look” and hoped the story was a happy one. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, Miss Kitty.”

“Not at all, Sam. We’re both very happy about the baby. Now, unless you have any more questions for me about our arrangement, I think it’s time for me to go get ready to leave. Could you help me get through that crowd without getting stopped a dozen times?”

Sam stood as she did, and as she took his arm to leave the office she noticed he seemed a little winded. “Are you feeling all right, Sam?”

“It’s nothing, Miss Kitty. Just old age catching up with me.”

“Well, promise me you’ll go see Doc. Soon, all right? First thing tomorrow.”

“I will, Miss Kitty.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kitty sat at her vanity table, dressed in her green traveling suit. The three saloon girls packed her bags for her while presumably talking about how beautiful the wedding had been--at least that’s how their conversation started. She’d stopped paying attention at some point, a fact that she was made aware of when Alice asked her a question. “Ssshh, she’s not even listening to us,” Dorie said, just loud enough for her to hear. “She’s been looking at her ring for the last five minutes.” Kitty had to laugh at herself softly. It was true. She’d been lost in her thoughts of the ring and, even more, the man who had put it on her finger just a few hours before, ever since she sat down. She probably would have gone right back to thinking about him, if it hadn’t been for something large and furry landing on her lap. Startled, she looked down.

“Well, hello,” she said to her orange and white cat, Pumpkin, scratching behind his ears. “I was wondering if you were going to show your face today. I might have known you’d come around for attention right when it’s time for me to leave.” Pumpkin stretched up on his hind legs, putting his front paws on Kitty’s shoulder and rubbing the top of his head against her face.

“That’s so cute when he does that,” Melody said, rushing over to them, “but he’s shedding all over you!” She managed to pry the cat away from Kitty without his claws snagging anything.

“Are you girls sure you don’t mind looking out for him?” The girls all assured her that he would get plenty of attention--probably much more than he wanted, she thought. “You be a good boy while I’m gone and don’t steal any of these girls’ clothes,” she told Pumpkin, referring to a habit he’d had as a young cat of taking certain garments of Kitty’s while her back was turned and dragging them down to the barroom, usually while the Marshal was there.

“We’ll make sure he behaves,” Alice said.

Kitty heard the familiar footsteps on the back stairs, followed by a knock on the door. Dorie opened it and the girls excused themselves after Matt stepped in. She stood and they met in the middle of the room. He rested his hands lightly on her shoulders. “Ready to go, Mrs. Dillon?”

“There’s one thing I want to do first.” She reached up to kiss him and his arms went around her, pulling her closer. “I’ve been waiting all day for that.”

“Now, hold on just a minute. I seem to remember kissing you in the church.”

“Yes, you did, and that was a _real_ nice kiss, Cowboy. But can you kiss like _this_ in church?”

“No, and we’d probably better not now, either, if we want to get out of here anytime soon.”

Kitty stepped back, disappointed, but just as eager for them to be on their way as Matt was. She pointed at her bags. “Why don’t you take them down the back stairs and then come back and get me. We have to leave through the front.”

Matt raised his eyebrows at the three bags lined up on the settee but said nothing about them. “Why do we have to do that?”

Kitty picked up her bouquet and pantomimed throwing it. “Tradition. I’ve caught enough of these things. It’s someone else’s turn.”

 

Most of the guests were still there waiting when they appeared on the balcony overlooking the downstairs of the Long Branch. Soon the word started to spread through the room. “She’s getting ready to throw her bouquet!” Unmarried women and girls moved closer to the balcony in anticipation. Kitty closed her eyes and flung the bouquet over the railing. A loud cheer went up and she could hear Matt laughing behind her. She opened her eyes and saw Doc standing there with her bouquet in his hand and a perturbed look on his face.

“Now, what in thunder am I going to do with this?” he sputtered.

“Thet means yore next, Doc!” Festus said helpfully, poking him in the arm.

“I know what it--I am _not_ next!” Doc said in disgust.

“Are we done now?” Matt asked.

“Yes, I do believe our wedding day duties have been officially carried out, Marshal.”

“Well, it’s about time. We have a honeymoon to get to.” He put his arm around her shoulder and she slipped hers around his waist. Just before they got to the stairs she stopped him.

“Matt? That’s a nice suit you’re wearing. Is it new?”


	11. Chapter 11

_Changing, our love is going gold_   
_Even though we grow old, it grows new_

“Still the One” Sung by Orleans, written by John J Hall and Johanna D Hall

 

Chapter Eleven

 

“Whoa,” Matt called softly to Kitty’s horse, pulling back on the reins. The buggy slowed to a stop, and Buck came to a stop behind it. Kitty stirred softly against his shoulder, eyes reluctantly opening. “How long have I been asleep?” she murmured.

“Just after we left Silver Creek.”

“That doesn’t tell me much, since I have no idea where we are,” she said, eyes straining to see anything in the dark. Matt lit the lantern and she looked around. They seemed to be at some type of homestead or farm, although she didn’t recognize it.

“Stay here. I’ll go inside and get it lit up.” Of course he wasn’t fooling her a bit. He was going inside to make sure it was safe, and she knew he had to weigh that against leaving her outside unprotected to do it. She patted her handbag for reassurance. Experience had taught her finally to start taking his advice to always carry her pistol in her bag, whether he was with her or not, for just this type of occasion. Lights began to shine through the windows of the cabin and she knew he would be back out for her soon. Sure enough, there he was. He held out a hand to help her out of the buggy.

“Everything all right in there?”

He grinned sheepishly. “Kicked all the outlaws out the back door.” He put his arm around her as they walked up the path to the cabin. “Hold it right there, Mrs. Dillon. You don’t think I’m going to let you _walk_ through that door, do you?” With that he lifted her into his arms to carry her over the threshold.

She clasped her hands around his neck, taken by surprise. “For a man who was never going to get married, you sure seem to like calling me that.”

Another sheepish grin. "Well, I know you don't mind hearing it." He carried her to the sofa in the main room and set her down gently. "I'll bring in our bags and see to the horses," he said, lightly kissing the top of her head. Minutes later, he returned. He set the picnic basket on the table and took the bags through a doorway off the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” she called to him. "I think there’s some food left from the picnic. I can heat it up.” _At least I think I can._ Better see how well-equipped the kitchen was before making any more statements like that. She approached the other side of the room where the kitchen area was.

“There’s a fire laid in the stove,” Matt said, coming out of the other room. “You just have to light it.”

“Are you going to tell me where we are, Matt?”

“After I take care of the horses.”

While the stove heated, Kitty looked in the pantry and cupboards and found, much to her surprise, a clean, well-stocked kitchen. Had someone given up their home for a week in order for them to have a honeymoon? She put some water on the stove to heat and emptied the picnic basket. Stopping at Silver Creek for a picnic had been a wonderful surprise, even if, as Matt had said, it wasn’t quite as pretty as it was in the spring. She thought it couldn’t have looked more beautiful out there if it had been. And so nice of the preacher’s wife to fix the picnic lunch for them. She put the leftovers on top of the stove to heat and went into the bedroom to have a look. Their bags were sitting on top of a large bed that was made up with what looked like some of her own sheets and blankets. _How did he ever manage to do that?_ The other door off the kitchen led to a lean-to, where a small supply of firewood was stacked, along with more provisions. Across the room on the other side of the fireplace there was another doorway. Before she had a chance to see what it was Matt came back in.

“All right, Matt, I was asleep the whole way here and I don’t know where I am. Are you going to tell me now?” _What if I have to find my way back to Dodge myself?_ He had no intention of allowing that to happen, but she had a point.

“You know that little road just past Silver Creek? The one that’s so overgrown it looks like it hasn’t been used in years?”

“Yes...I didn’t know there was a place out here.” How could she not have known that in almost twenty years? “Whose place is this?”

“Well, it belongs to the Dodge City Bank. I made an arrangement with Mr. Bodkin.”

“An-an _arrangement_? What kind of arrangement? Matt, this place is too clean and well-stocked to have been empty very long. There must be enough provisions to last a whole winter...oh.” _Is this going to be our home, Matt?_

“Is supper ready? We can talk about this more after we eat.”

“We can talk about this right now,” Kitty said, moving the food to the back of the stove. She smiled. _Don’t worry, cowboy. I said talk, not argue._

Matt took her hand and led her to the sofa. “I was going to wait a few days before I said anything. To see how you liked it out here. What do you think, honey? Do you think a fancy saloon owner could be happy living out here in a little cabin?”

She looked around, pretending to think it over. Taking inventory. “It’s not so little, for a cabin. Is that a second bedroom?” She pointed at the door she hadn’t had a chance to open. He nodded. “Seems plenty big for two...three. Nice big fireplace, _and_ a stove.” She gestured toward the pump in the kitchen. “Indoor water. Is there an indoor--”

“There will be.”

“Well, like you said, Matt, I’m going to need a little while to think it over. I like the idea of spending time out here alone with my husband in the middle of nowhere on our honeymoon, but what about after that? I could end up spending most of the time...alone.”

“Kitty, we don’t have to live here if you don’t want to.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Matt. In Dodge, when you go away there are still plenty of people around and I have the Long Branch to keep me occupied, until lately, I mean. Out here, I really will be alone. I don’t have any idea if I’ll like it or not.”

“I guess I didn’t really think this out very well, did I?” He shook his head ruefully. Truthfully, the rare times when he’d allowed himself to think of his own version of “someday” with Kitty, it was always in a place very much like this. But he never meant for her to spend days, even weeks alone out here...which was exactly what would happen as long as the badge came between them. _Forsaking all others keep thee only unto her._

“No, we didn’t think this out very well, did we? Matt, are you sorry we--”

“No! Are you?”

“I don’t regret marrying you for one minute. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We just didn’t have time to work out the details. Now, why don’t we just enjoy our honeymoon for now and talk about this more later?”

“That sounds fine to me. Did you say something about supper?”

 

* * *

 

 

Kitty stood in front of the bedroom mirror, taking the pins out of her hair. She scowled at the mirror, wishing she’d gone ahead and packed her own bags so she’d have something to wear other than her most revealing nightgowns. Not one loose, high-necked gown in the bunch. The one she had on at present wouldn’t do at all. It was already her tightest, most low-cut gown, and with her figure starting to change, it showed off her body in a way she didn’t find flattering at all. Matt would probably still like it, but thanks to Doc’s restrictions, there wasn’t going to be anything they could do about that. She turned around to get another gown to try, just as Matt walked into the room.

Just as she thought, he eyed her appreciatively, smiling. “Is that new?” he asked, trying to put his arms around her. She crossed her arms over her chest protectively and turned away.

“No, but I can see why you’d think so. It seems to be fitting me different these days.” She could feel her eyes fill up with tears. Damn those pregnancy emotions.

“You look beautiful, Kitty. There’s nothing for you to be upset about.” Except that, apparently, he thought as he saw the tears splash onto her cheeks.

“Could you hand me my robe?” she asked, fighting unsuccessfully to hold back a sob.

Matt helped her into her robe, pulling her into his arms once she was covered. Thankfully, she allowed it this time. “What’s wrong, honey?”

She looked up at him sadly. “Oh, Matt, it’s our wedding night!” _And I’ve gone and ruined it._


	12. Chapter 12

_I'll always remember that magic moment_   
_When I held you close to me_   
_As we moved together, I knew forever_   
_You're all I'll ever need_

“Could I Have This Dance” Sung by Anne Murray, written by Wayland Holyfield and Bob House

 

 

Chapter Twelve

 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s our wedding night...and we can’t have one...because of me.” She dropped her head and cried quietly. “I’m sorry to make such a fuss about it. I guess I didn’t really think about not being able to...tonight. And I look awful, and...and….”

“Kitty, that’s not your fault…” he began, but was at a loss for anything further to say. Doc had warned him that in her condition Kitty would be more emotional about things, but knowing that and knowing what to do about it were two different things. “It’s just the way it has to be,” he finished, feeling completely inadequate.

“But Matt, you don’t understand.” She sat on the bed, dabbing under eyes with her handkerchief.

“Explain it to me, then. _Make_ me understand.”

She shook her head. “You won’t.”

Matt picked her hairbrush up from the top of the bureau and sat next to her on the bed. She silently gave her consent and he began to brush her long red hair. If she couldn’t talk to him about it, maybe their old familiar ritual would comfort her. She sighed and let her head fall back as he gently pulled the brush through her curls until there were no tangles left. “Feel better now?” he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders and trying to draw her closer. She shrugged. “I got the fireplace going, do you want to sit out there and talk for a while?”

“Sure, that sounds good,” she answered quietly. He stood, and when she made no move to get up, he put on arm around her waist and the other under her knees and picked her up.

“Matt!” she gasped. “You can’t keep doing that! Your leg--”

“My leg will be fine.” He carried her into the other room and got her settled on the sofa, returning to the bedroom to pull the quilt off the bed and blow out the lamp. She curled up next to him, laying her head and one arm on his chest. He pulled the quilt over both of them and pulled her close in his arms, gently stroking her back with one hand. The fire snapped and made just enough light to see each other, leaving the rest of the room in shadows. Kitty was finally ready to go back to their earlier conversation.

“It’s how I know you love me.”

He wasn’t sure what she was referring to. “Go on,” he encouraged her.

“All these years, I’ve been ‘the Marshal’s woman.’ No, no, I’m not complaining,” she said, sensing he was about to protest. “I’m proud of that. I know you only think about the people who hurt me because of it, but it gave me some protection, too, even when you weren’t around. An awful lot of men knew I was off limits and left me alone because I belonged to you. The problem was that hardly anyone ever said the opposite. Only a few people ever called you my man, and most of them were people who meant one of us harm. I guess no one ever told any of those sweet young things who came to you looking for protection that you belonged to someone already. I know you never slept with any of them, but sometimes I think you led them on a little, even if you didn’t mean to, because you wouldn’t say you already had a woman.

“So I could never really feel like you belonged just to me. You belonged to everybody, I guess. Sometimes it seemed like the only time you put me first was in bed. When I could get you there. Most of the time it was the only reminder I had that you love me. That’s why it hurt so much and why I got so angry whenever you stood me up, even when I knew you didn’t have a choice. And now that we’re married and I know you belong to me, I just needed our wedding night to make it real.”

“I do belong to you, Kitty. I’m sorry I made you feel that way all those years.” It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried telling him these same things before, but he’d always given her every impression of not taking her seriously. Brushed her off with excuses like “we’ve never needed explanations” or “I can’t have a permanent relationship.” He’d always figured it was kinder to say those things than to tell her the truth about his intentions, in case someday never came. “Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to make love to you all night tonight, but we just can’t. If something went wrong with the baby I’d never forgive myself.” _Tell me what I can do instead to make this real for you._

“Tell me what you think about the baby, Matt. How do you feel about being a father?”

“Oh, I’m starting to get used to the idea, I guess. I don’t know what kind of a father I’ll be. Thinking about the baby mostly makes me think about you.”

“Me?”

“Sure. Whether you’ll be all right; how you’re going to be a wonderful mother. How happy I am that you’re going to have a child of your own. Don’t look so surprised. I might still have a lot to learn about women, but I’m not blind. I can tell whenever you’re around a baby or a child, how much you want one.” _Did you think you could hide that from me?_ He rested his hand on her slightly rounded belly. “Kind of hard to believe a whole baby is going to fit in here.”

“Matt Dillon! Thank you for reminding me how fat I’m going to get!” He was relieved to hear the laughter in her voice. He pulled her closer and turned her so she was sitting on his lap.

“You know, you really do look beautiful in this nightgown.” He tilted her face toward his to kiss her, cradling the back of her head in his hand. Their lips met for a long, slow kiss, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him as tightly as she could. When he finally broke away from her gently, she felt so disappointed she wanted to cry. He rested his forehead against hers and then, reaching up, he pulled one arm free from his neck, brought her hand to his lips, and softly kissed it. He cleared his throat several times and she waited patiently for whatever he was about to say.

“Kitty, honey, listen, I’m sorry I wasn’t always there to take you to all the dances and picnics and everywhere else you wanted to go. Now this might seem like I’ve got things backward, now that we’re married with a baby on the way, but guess I’ve got about twenty years of courting to catch up on. I was just wondering, Miss Kitty, if you’d let me court you. How about a buggy ride tomorrow?”

She smiled up at him, tears shining in her eyes. “That sounds very romantic, Cowboy.”

 

Kitty woke with a start to realize she had fallen asleep with her head on Matt’s lap. They were still on the sofa; Matt sprawled out at one end so she could lie down. _That’s not going to be too comfortable for him by morning._ “Matt. Matt.” She patted his cheek, trying to wake him. “Let’s go to bed. You’ll sleep better in there.”

Matt stretched and stood up, suddenly fully awake. Noticing her shivering in her silk nightgown and robe he said, “Go on back and I’ll be there in a minute. I’m going to build the fire back up.” She stayed on the sofa. “Go on,” he repeated, already adding more wood to the fire. “It’s too cold out here for you.”

She pulled the quilt up around her shoulders. “It’s going to be even colder in there. I’ll wait for you.” When he finished tending to the fire, she stood and he wrapped the quilt around her. Arms around each other, they walked back to the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

Kitty woke still in Matt’s arms, her head resting on his chest. “Morning, sweetheart,” he said softly next to her ear. She lifted her head, smiling, and pulled his face up to hers for a kiss.

“Well, I have to say, it’s wonderful to wake up next to my husband. And that is a wonderful word.”

“What word’s that?” Matt asked, in between kisses.

“Husband,” she answered, kissing him back.

“Well, what about ‘wife’?” he teased. “What you think of that word?”

“That word is quite wonderful, too,” she agreed.

“In that case, _wife_ , how about if you go out in the kitchen and fix me some breakfast?” He grinned at her playfully.

“Oh, is that why you married me? So you’d have someone to cook for you?” She raised her brows at him.

“Oh, partly. I also needed someone to sew, and do laundry, and keep house…”

“Oooh!” She swatted his arm lightly. “Well, then, _husband_ , since it’s going to take me longer to get dressed than it will you, how about going out in the kitchen and starting some coffee for _me_? If being a married man hasn’t made you forget how.”

“I could use some coffee myself,” he said, getting out of bed and reaching for his clothes. She sat up, but stayed in bed for a few minutes, mindful of the dizziness that still sometimes threatened when she stood up too quickly. By the time she got up, he was already on his way to the kitchen.

She was going through her bags, wondering if the girls had packed anything suitable for a farm wife to wear, when she heard a buggy coming up the lane. She went to the bedroom door. Matt was looking out the front window. “Does anyone know we’re here?”

“It’s Doc, and Festus is with him. I didn’t tell anyone where we went. Finish getting dressed and I’ll go out and see what they want.”

Kitty closed the bedroom door, rolling her eyes. She could hear fragments of their conversation as she dressed. “...tracked ya, Matthew…” “...just got up…” “...talk to you first...she’ll want to know…” “...while I feed the horses…”

“What will I want to know?” she asked the empty room. “More things he doesn’t want me to do?”  
She went out to the kitchen, glad to see the stove was heated and Matt had started the coffee.

She had a pan of biscuits in the oven by the time Matt came in with Doc. _Why was Festus still outside?_

“Doc, it’s only been one day…” Her words trailed off when she saw their faces. Matt crossed the room, Doc following.

“Why don’t you sit down, Kitty?” Doc said to her gently.

“Well, you’re obviously not here to tell me about my husband, since he’s right here next to me,” she said, wrapping her arms around Matt’s waist, “so I think I’ll stand. What is it, Doc?” _Who is it?_ Matt and Doc were here, and Festus was outside. Her mind searched for who was left that would cause Doc to enlist Festus to track them down and interrupt them on their honeymoon. Suddenly her legs felt weak and she clung to Matt for support.

“I think I’ll take that chair after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Many thanks to SingerMe for her wonderful suggestions when I was in desperate need of assistance in writing this chapter. Don’t hold her responsible for my not being able to follow them very well. I can’t write setting or description for nothin’ as I’m sure everyone has noticed.


	13. Chapter 13

_Goodbye my friends,_   
_Maybe for forever_   
_Goodbye my friends,_   
_The stars wait for me_   
_Who knows where we shall meet again_   
_If ever_

“Time” Sung by The Alan Parsons Project, written by Alan Parsons and Eric Woolfson

 

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

_Somehow in the depths of sleep, he heard the knocking at the door, but he was physically unable to wake up enough to respond. Years of experience and the oath he had taken fought with the impulse to ignore the knocking and go back to sleep._

_The knocking persisted and he was finally able to summon the will to sit up and look at the clock, wondering who was out there knocking at ten minutes past midnight and what the emergency could be. He stood, grabbing his trousers from the chair next to the bed, and dressed hurriedly. “I’m getting too old for this,” he grumbled, wondering why he didn’t just retire, knowing that it was because his patients still needed him; his favorite, and one of his least cooperative, in particular._

_“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he shouted as he left his bedroom. He unlocked and opened the outside door. A man stood on the landing, clutching his chest with one hand and the railing with the other._

_“You gotta help me, Doc!” he gasped._

_“Come in, come in,” Doc urged. “Let’s get you up on that table.” The big man staggered against the doorway and Doc put an arm around him to steady him. The man rested his arm across Doc’s shoulder and leaned against him as they made their way to the examination table._

 

Matt pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and eased Kitty into it. She looked at Doc and then looked up at Matt. He knelt down next to the chair and took her hand. “It’s Sam, honey.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “What happened, Doc?” she asked quietly.

“He had a heart attack. He came to the office just after midnight and passed away a couple hours later.”

“Just after midnight?” She shook her head ruefully. “Yesterday, we were talking and I told him to come see you first thing today. I could tell he wasn’t feeling well. I should have said something to you before we left!”

“You can’t blame yourself for this, Kitty.” Doc sat down at the table opposite her and patted her other hand.

“Can’t I? I do feel responsible, Doc, asking him to take over the Long Branch for me. I even offered to sell it to him.”

“Oh, well, that explains....”

“Explains what, Doc?”

“He wanted me to tell you he was sorry.”

“He was... _sorry_? Is that all, Doc?”

“He was sorry he couldn’t take care of the Long Branch for you anymore, and that he wasn’t going to be here to see your child.”

“I didn’t know you told him, Kitty.” Matt stood and put his hands on her shoulders.

“I told him yesterday. I hope you aren’t mad, Matt. He already seemed to know, anyway.”

“No, I’m not mad. Well, I’d best be going out and hitching up the horses while you pack….”

“But you haven’t even had your breakfast yet! Those biscuits are probably done, I didn’t have a chance to fix anything else, but I can make some eggs….” Kitty slowly stood up from the table. If she kept busy she wouldn’t have to think about this. “You might as well have Festus come in; he’s probably hungry after tracking us…”

“Festus and I ate hours ago,” Doc told her. “Sit down and rest, Kitty, I don’t want you to faint.”

“I’m not gonna faint, Doc, I don’t have time. I need to get breakfast on the table and pack so we can go back and b-bury Sam.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next afternoon Kitty stood near the open grave, Doc’s arm around her waist and the crying saloon girls standing behind them. Matt, with Festus, Newly, Burke and a few more townsmen slowly lowered the coffin into the ground. The preacher spoke some words she didn’t hear and then everyone around her sang “Amazing Grace” as she watched Matt and the other men shovel dirt into the grave. Then it was over and people crowded around them, shaking hands with Matt and Doc and patting her on the arm or hugging her. People said things to her and she answered without having any idea of what she was saying. When everyone else had gone, Matt, putting his arm around her, said, “Let’s get you back to town.” She nodded. Now that this part was over, she could finally take the time to think.

 

“You can let me out in front this time,” Kitty told Matt as they approached the Long Branch.

“Are you sure?” Since coming back to town the day before, they had been using the back entrance to her rooms. She hadn’t been able to bear the thought of walking into the empty saloon and not seeing Sam there getting ready to open for the day.

“Not really, but I need to spend a little time in the office and this is closer.” He got down to help her out of the buggy and she leaned over to kiss him before getting out. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, still not quite used to the open display of affection permitted them since their engagement and marriage.

“While you’re doing that, I think I’ll stop in and see how things are going at the jail.”

“Maattt….” _Please don’t let anything take you away from me and our honeymoon._

“Don’t worry, Kitty. Festus and Newly have everything under control.”

“Well, you just make sure it stays that way.” He walked her to the door of the saloon and waited while she let herself in.

“Don’t forget to lock the doors behind you, so you don’t get any unwanted company.”

“I won’t.” Kitty closed and locked the doors behind her and walked past the bar without looking at it until she reached her office. She locked the office door and out of habit sat at her desk and opened the ledger. The entries from the last night of business were complete and seeing the last few weeks’ figures in Sam’s hand hit her hard. Slamming the ledger shut, she lowered her head to the desk and burst into tears. She poured out the loss of her trusted employee and friend and of her former life as the owner of the Long Branch. When she was finally cried out, she sat for a while, head still resting on her forearms.

“Nothing is working out the way I thought it would.” She shook her head, immediately scolding herself for her self-pity. Sam’s passing had only hastened the inevitable. A saloon had no place in her new life with Matt, and she had told her lawyer this morning before the funeral to make arrangements to close and put it up for sale. She had a husband who loved her and she him and they were starting their life together, for better or for worse. It was time to put the past in the past.

She wiped her eyes and pulled down the lid of the roll-top desk. As she turned to go, she heard someone knocking at the back door. She sighed. The last thing she wanted right now was to talk to anyone, except maybe her husband.

“Miss Kitty? Miss Kitty?” a thin, quavering voice called. _Louie!_ What on earth would become of him without her and Sam to look after him? She rushed to unlock the back door.

“Miss Kitty! I was hoping to see you before you and the Marshal left again for your honeymoon.” Louie was sober, but shaky, and she had no doubt he was in need of a drink.

“I’m glad you stopped in, Louie. Now, why didn’t I see you at my wedding party?”

“I was asleep, Miss Kitty, I didn’t get there until after you left. It was a real nice party, Miss Kitty. I helped Sam clean up afterwards and he gave me a drink…I ain’t had a drink since then, Miss Kitty.”

Kitty expected him to ask her for one, but his next words surprised her.

“I’m gonna quit drinkin’, Miss Kitty.”

“Louie, I don’t think it’s such a good idea for you to quit all at once. When was the last time you had something to eat, Louie, I bet there might be some wedding cake left…”

“Festus got me some breakfast this morning. I sure am sorry about Sam, Miss Kitty. I sure am gonna miss him. No one in Dodge was ever as good to me as the two of you.”

“Sam was a good man.” Kitty agreed.

“You aren’t coming back to the Long Branch, are you, Miss Kitty? Now that you and the Marshal are going to have a family.”

She shook her head. “No, I won’t be back, Louie. Does _everyone_ know about that?”

“I overheard the two of you talking one day. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop!”

“It’s all right, Louie. Everyone will know soon enough, anyway.” She patted Louie on the shoulder, trying to guide him back to the door. If she had to keep talking to him she was going to break down again. “Thank you for coming by, Louie, but I have some packing to do. You come see me next week after we get back and maybe I’ll have some work for you, all right?”

“I’d be much obliged, Miss Kitty.” Kitty locked the door behind him. She returned to her office for her handbag and then took a bottle each from her private supply of brandy and whiskey. Locking the office door behind her, she walked back into the barroom.

It was time for a last look at the room where she had spent so much of her life. Looking toward the deserted bar, she imagined Sam standing behind it, gentle and dignified, as he prepared to close up. She approached the bar and ran one hand along its polished surface.

“Thank you, Sam,” she said, smiling. “Go on home. I’ll close up tonight.” She walked the length of the bar to the front doors and checked to be sure they were secure. With a sigh, she turned and made her way up the stairs.


	14. Chapter 14

_It's not so much your pretty face I see_   
_It's not the clothes you wear_   
_It's more that special way you look at me_   
_That always keeps me there_

“You Are the Woman” Sung by Firefall, written by Rick Roberts

 

 

 

Chapter Fourteen

 

 

“I can take care of my wife, Doc!”

Kitty opened the door to Matt’s office, interrupting the heated discussion he and Doc had obviously been having. “You were saying something about taking care of me?” She let the door fall shut behind her.

Doc spoke first. “This overgrown civil servant has been trying to convince me you’re actually considering living on that farm out in the middle of nowhere once your honeymoon is over.”

Matt leaned against his desk, crossing his arms and sighing. _Here we go again_ , his look told her.

“That’s right. I told him I’d think about it.”

“Have you _both_ taken leave of your senses?”

“Doc!” Kitty protested.

“No, you’re going to listen until I talk some sense into one of you. Matt, your wife has been capable of taking care of herself on more than one occasion, but that’s beside the point. How in thunder do you plan on taking care of her when you’re gone all the time? Kitty has no business being that far from town in her condition with or without you. Too many things could go wrong and she’d have no one to send for help. Winter’s coming, and that’s going to make it even worse.”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk about me as if I weren’t here! Doc, I wouldn’t be the first one of your patients to have a baby out on a farm. Now, how many times did you tell me Matt and I should get a piece of land outside of town and...raise things?”

“Well, we were all quite a bit younger when I said that, and at the risk of offending you again, that means you, especially. Do I need to explain the risks to you again?”

She sighed impatiently. “No, Doc.”

“Now, listen, Doc. This is my decision and Kitty’s to make.”

Doc slammed the empty coffee cup he was holding down on the table and started for the door. Kitty put her hand on his arm.

“Just wait a minute, Doc, please?” she said quietly, then turned to her husband. “Matt, I got our bags packed if you want to bring them down. Just give me a couple of minutes to say goodbye to Doc, all right?”

“All right, Kitty. See you later, Doc.”

“Matt.” Doc nodded curtly in his direction. Kitty waited until Matt left to resume speaking.

“Doc, I know you’re just looking out for me and the baby, and I appreciate it, but Matt’s my husband now. I know it won’t be easy, but we’ll figure out a way. If I need taking care of, he’ll take care of me, and whenever I need you, he’ll come after you.”

Doc rubbed vigorously at his mustache and shook his head. Clearing his throat a couple of times he said, finally, “Kitty, I always thought if Matt ever put a ring on your finger, it would involve taking off his badge at the same time. I just wish I could be as sure as you are that he’s going to do right by you.”

“Come on, Curly, don’t be mad at him. He’s still learning, and I guess I have a few things to learn too. Just don’t tell _him_ that. And we _will_ take into consideration what you said when we decide. And now I’m going to go find my husband, because we have a honeymoon to get back to.”

“Kitty, I—“Doc sighed and patted her shoulder. “All right. Just...go and be happy, honey. I’ll see you when you get back.”

 

* * *

 

 

 “Well, Kitty, I think that’s about the best breakfast I’ve ever eaten.”

“I’m glad you liked it, Matt. A growing boy like you needs to keep his strength up.”

“Speaking of keeping your strength up, you didn’t eat very much. You feeling all right?”

“My appetite’s a little off this morning,” she admitted, picking at the food on her plate. She smiled and looked across the table at him. “You, know, I was just thinking about the best breakfast I’ve ever eaten.”

“The cafe.”

She nodded. “Twenty years ago this month. And now here we are today.” She reached for his hand. “I love you, Cowboy. Now, it seems to me there was some talk the other night about a little courting. Is that offer of a buggy ride still open?”

“You mean you haven’t had enough buggy riding the last two days? You feel like taking a walk?”

“You want to show me around the place,” she guessed.

“I’d like to.”

“Just let me clean all this up and we can be on our way.”

Matt watched contentedly as Kitty put away the breakfast things and washed the dishes. Seeing her so happy gave him a momentary twinge of guilt for all the years of hurt and disappointment his stubbornness had caused her. She turned around and caught him watching her.

“All finished. I’ll just go get my cloak.”

Matt showed her the barn first. Kitty spent some time petting and talking to the horses and then insisted on exploring every stall and storage bin.

Matt chuckled at her. “What are you doing, taking inventory?”

“I need to get to know the place if I’m going to be doing farm work.”

“You aren’t going to be doing that anytime soon. Doc’s already after my hide the way it is.”

She pointed at the hayloft. “Any chance I could talk you into a tour of the upstairs?” She gave him a suggestive look.

“That’s a mighty tempting request, Mrs. Dillon, but you’re going to get both of us in trouble if we’re not careful.”

“Oh, all right.” Kitty pretended to pout. “Let’s go see something else, then.” Arm in arm, they walked as Matt showed her the root cellar and the tool shed, and then the large corral that would someday be filled with horses.

“Over there’s the garden.” Matt pointed out a large plot next to the house, and Kitty imagined herself planting and harvesting vegetables the next year. She would have to find someone to show her how to put them up; maybe Bess Roniger or Ma Smalley, if they had time. Then she remembered she wouldn’t be in any shape to be digging in a garden next spring. The year after next, then.

“Is there any more?” she asked Matt.

“All this grazing land around us is part of it. There’s a creek that feeds into a pond so the stock will have water.”

“You really want this, don’t you, Matt?”

“It depends on how much the bank wants for it, Kitty. They could probably get a lot more for it than what I’ve got.”

“You mean what _we’ve_ got. I’m sure the money from the Long Branch will--”

“The Long Branch! Kitty, I wouldn’t ask you to sell the Long Branch.”

“You don’t have to ask, I’m going to sell it, as soon as I get the right offer. I don’t want our child to have anything to do with saloons, or gambling, or…any of the things that go with it. And I don’t have the heart to try to run it without Sam. It’s just a building to me now.”

“I couldn’t take your money, Kitty.”

“It’s _our_ money, Matt. This would be my farm, too.”

“Does that mean you want to stay?”

“I’m still thinking about it. Doc has a point, though. I don’t know that I want to be out here all winter with a baby on the way. And I gotta ask you something.”

“What’s that?”

“How do you plan to run this farm while you’re still wearing that badge?”

“I guess I won’t be.” Kitty waited for more, but apparently that was all the answer she was going to get for now. If he’d meant what it sounded like, it was the closest he’d come in a long time to saying he’d take off the badge.

Back at the cabin, Matt announced that he was going out to hunt for some meat for the next couple of days. Knowing that meant he probably wanted to be alone to think about what she’d just asked him, Kitty watched him go without protest.

“Don’t be too long, it’s getting close to lunch time.” She spent a few minutes planning their lunch and then sat down on the sofa to wait. My goodness, that walk sure wore me out, she thought, her eyes beginning to droop. The next thing she knew, the door from the lean-to opened and Matt walked into the kitchen.

“Did you get anything?” she asked sleepily. Matt held up four rabbits, with an expression on his face of a proud little boy after his first hunt.

“Oh, those are nice ones!” she exclaimed, feeling slightly queasy as she looked at them. “If you could just take care of them...outside...while I get lunch ready, I can stew them for supper tonight.”

Her discomfort must have showed. “Sorry, honey,” he said a little guiltily, backing out the door.

Kitty put lunch on the table but only took a cup of tea for herself. “Kitty, don’t you think you’d feel better if you ate something?” Matt asked her when he noticed. Her eyes narrowed over her cup of tea. She set it down hastily and covered her mouth. “Honey, I’m sorry,” he said again. “You’re not gonna get sick, are you?”

“Not if I can help it,” she said through gritted teeth. “Could you _please_ not talk about it?” Matt leaned close to her and stroked her back, wondering how to change the subject.

“Weather’s gonna turn cold tonight. We might even get a snowstorm. I think I’ll go out and cut some more firewood this afternoon.” Kitty nodded without saying anything, taking another sip of her tea.

“Why don’t you go rest for a while and I’ll clear the table.”

“Matt, you don’t have to wait on me. I’ll be all right.”

_I told Doc I’d take care of you, Kitty._ “I’m not waiting on you; I’m the one that, uh, had lunch here. And don’t worry about the...uh…” he motioned his head toward the lean-to. “I’ll get that started so you don’t have to.”

Kitty poured herself another cup of tea and managed a smile for him. “Well, Cowboy, guess I’ll just sit here and wait for you to finish your chores, and then maybe we can spend some quiet time in front of the fire the rest of the evening.”

“I’d like that.”

 

She was on her third cup of tea and listening to the sound of her husband splitting firewood outside. She had just begun to think she could manage a piece of toast when she heard a muffled curse followed by a thud. She jumped up from the table in alarm. “Matt!” Her first thought was to run outside to him, but she had no way of knowing for sure what had just happened. He might not be alone, and his gunbelt was hanging inside next to the front door.

Taking the gun with her, she went out to the lean-to and peered out the outside door. She couldn’t see Matt from there; he was probably behind the cabin. She didn’t think anyone would be able to see her until she got all the way back there. Moving slowly and quietly, she stayed as close to the outside wall as she could until she got to the corner. She heard Matt groan quietly. _Oh, Dear God, please, not again_ , she tried to pray. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for whatever was around the corner.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Includes description of a wound and treatment. Read at your own risk. Not a doctor; I have no idea how accurate any of this is.

_You've been as constant as a Northern Star_   
_The brightest light that shines_   
_It's been you, woman, right down the line_

“Right Down the Line” Written and sung by Gerry Rafferty

 

Chapter Fifteen

 

 

 

Kitty stepped around the corner, gun ready. Matt was on the ground next to the pile of firewood. The ax lay next to him and his right pant leg below the knee was soaked with blood. There was no one else around.

“Oh, Matt!” she gasped, running to him. She knelt at his side. “What happened?”

“Sorry...Kitty.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “Ax...slipped out of my...hands.” He looked at her right hand. _What’d you bring that for?_

Kitty was still holding the gun. She shoved it into her skirt pocket. “Is anyone else here?” Matt shook his head. “You did this to yourself? How bad is it?”

“Don’t know. Hurts like...the devil. I’d sooner...take a bullet.”

“Matt!” _How could you say that to me?_ “Come on,” she said, slipping her arm behind his back, “let’s get you inside and take a look at it.”

Matt managed to get to his feet slowly, trying to refuse Kitty’s assistance. He had trouble putting weight on his injured leg and lurched to one side. “Matt, stop being so stubborn and let me help you!” She tried to hold off the panic she was beginning to feel. She felt his eyes trying to meet hers and looked up at him. _I don’t want to hurt you or the baby._ “I know, Matt, but I can’t worry about that right now. I’m not leaving you out here.” _I can’t tell our child I let you bleed to death._

Matt reluctantly draped his right arm over her shoulder. With her arms around his waist, Kitty managed to get him to lean against her left shoulder. “Okay, Cowboy, take it slow now. One step at a time.” Gradually she got him closer to the cabin. She wanted to cry with frustration and fear. He needed to have his wound taken care of, now. He had no color in his face and he seemed to be fighting to stay conscious. What concerned her most of all was the way he'd given in way too easily to her insistence on helping him. He must be losing a lot of blood. She had to get him inside before he passed out.

"Come on, Matt," she encouraged. "Keep moving for me, please. We're almost to the door." In fact, they were only halfway to the lean-to door. Incredibly, Matt kept moving forward, taking a step every time Kitty spoke to him. One agonizingly slow step at a time, they finally reached the doorway. As they stepped inside, Matt put too much weight on his injured side and involuntarily clutched at her arm with his free hand. Kitty lost her balance, staggering back against the doorway with Matt’s weight against her. She felt the wind go out of her, but they both managed to stay upright. Once she caught her breath, she tried to reassure Matt. “It’s all right, Cowboy. We’re all right. Just a little ways further and you can lie down.” They still had nearly as much distance to travel as they just had, before she could get Matt off his feet. She had planned to get him to the bedroom, but it was looking like they would be lucky to make it to the sofa without one of them collapsing first. Her back ached and her shoulder felt like it was on fire, but unless Matt lost consciousness completely, she was going to get him there.

“Please, Matt, take another step for me,” she urged repeatedly. Every step he took with his injured leg forced a grunt or groan from him, and Kitty whispered each time that she was sorry to make him walk like this. Finally they stood in front of the sofa. She got Matt to turn around and was trying to help him lie down when he fell back into the sofa, legs out in front of him, unconscious but breathing. Kitty patted his face and called his name, trying unsuccessfully to rouse him enough to lie down. She didn’t have the strength to move him and wanted nothing more than to sit next to him and hold him, but she had to take care of his leg. “I have to get things together,” she told him, smoothing his hair away from his forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

Fortunately, there was hot water on the stove. Kitty poured a large basin full, and moved the pot of stewed rabbits to the warmer so they wouldn’t cook dry. God only knew when they would have a chance to eat them, but there had to be something to eat when Matt was ready to. She went to the bedroom for the rest of what she needed and set it on the floor next to the basin of hot water. “One more thing,” she told Matt, and returned to the kitchen for the two bottles of liquor and a glass. With everything ready, she knelt on the floor to remove the blood-drenched boot.

With her scissors she cut Matt’s pant leg to the knee and saw that the ax had sliced all the way through the boot to his leg. With some difficulty, she removed the boot, tossing it to the side, and saw that his sock and the leg of his long underwear were saturated with blood. Fighting nausea and dizziness, she cut them away. The gash looked worse than most of the bullet wounds she’d watched Doc work on, although she vaguely recalled a few that he wouldn’t let her see. “Maybe you were right, Cowboy. This looks pretty bad.” She looked up at his face. His eyes were still closed, but he was still breathing. “You just keep breathing, Matt, and I’ll have you fixed up in no time.”

She tore up an old sheet to use for cleaning and bandaging, and set about washing the blood away from the wound. It was still bleeding, which partly obscured her examination, but it looked as though the upper part of the wound not covered by Matt’s boot went all the way to the bone. The rest wasn’t quite as deep, but still looked serious. She folded a large section of sheet and held it over the wound to see if the bleeding would slow or stop. “Don’t worry, Matt. I’ve watched Doc take care of these a hundred times. I know what to do.”

In fact, she had only helped Doc with a few knife wounds, and none of them had looked this serious. She had a pretty good idea what she needed to do, and thanks to watching Doc, she thought she knew how, but she had no idea if she was going to be able to force herself to stitch up Matt’s leg. She lifted the cloth to check the wound. It looked as though the bleeding had slowed down some. She had to keep going before she lost her nerve. She picked up the bottle of whiskey and opened it. “This is probably going to sting some,” she told the unconscious Matt. She poured the whiskey over the gash and Matt gasped, jerking his leg away. “Sorry, Matt. I have to disinfect it before I fix it.”

“Kitty….” Matt muttered, opening his eyes a little. As happy as that made her, she couldn’t have him awake. She’d never be able to put stitches in his leg if she knew he could feel it. She poured a large amount of her Napoleon brandy into the glass and sat on the sofa next to him.

“Hello.” Kitty smiled at her husband and looked into his eyes. _Nice to see you awake._ “Can you drink some of this for me?” She supported the back of his neck and put the glass up to his lips. He took a swallow, but turned his head away when she tried to get him to take another.

“Nuh uh,” he protested.

“Matt! Matt, look at me.” He turned his head back in her direction and their eyes met. “Matt, I want you to listen to me,” she said as calmly as she could. “I have to put stitches in your leg where the ax got you. I really need for you to be asleep when I do it. You understand me? I need you to drink some more of this so you can rest while I fix your leg. Please, Matt.”

Matt nodded, finally. “Yeah. Yeah...Kitty.” He held her gaze.

“I know, Matt.” She brought the glass to his mouth again. “It’s gonna be all right.” He drank until about half the brandy was gone. “Let’s see if that was enough,” she said, getting back up from the sofa. She pushed the footstool across the room and positioned it next to Matt’s right leg. Then she picked up her sewing box, sat on the footstool, and gently pulled Matt’s leg across her lap.


	16. Chapter 16

_And even as I wander_   
_I'm keeping you in sight_   
_You're a candle in the window_   
_On a cold, dark winter's night_

“Can’t Fight This Feeling” Sung by REO Speedwagon, written by Kevin Cronin

 

 

Chapter Sixteen

 

Kitty finished tying the bandage on Matt’s leg and eased herself away from the footstool, leaving his foot propped on it. She impatiently wiped away the tears that had streamed down her face through most of the procedure and checked on Matt’s condition. His pulse was steady and stronger than before, and he had no fever yet. He was still out and most likely would be for a while, considering that she’d had to stop twice to give him more brandy. Her stomach lurched and she recalled that twice she had to run to the window for air to overcome her nausea. She took some deep breaths and managed to fight it off once again.

When had it gotten so cold inside the cabin? Kitty added more wood to the fireplace and stove. She remembered what Matt had been doing when he was injured. That firewood wasn’t going to do them any good lying around outside. Matt and of course, Doc, would be appalled when they found out she’d brought in a load of firewood, but it couldn’t be helped.

“I’ll be back in a little while,” Kitty told her unconscious husband before leaving through the lean-to door.

It was beginning to snow when Kitty pushed the wheelbarrow full of firewood through the outside lean-to door. If Matt hadn’t shown her the tool shed earlier, she would still be carrying the wood in a few pieces at a time, she thought as she latched the door behind her. She went to the front door and took down Matt’s gun belt; putting his gun back in the holster, she brought it with her to the sofa. Now that the firewood was in, Kitty couldn't bring herself to do another thing but finally sit down next to her husband. Matt's pulse was still strong and there was no sign of fever yet. She picked up the nearly full glass of brandy from the floor. After a moment she raised the glass in his direction. "I think I've earned this, don't you?" she asked out loud. She took Matt's hand, threading her fingers through his, and sipped the brandy until it was gone. She rested her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes, taking comfort in the sound of Matt breathing as she fell asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 "Kitty! Kitty!"

She woke at dawn to Matt frantically, if weakly, calling her name and shaking her by the shoulder. "What's wrong?" she asked, feeling confused and hung over.

"What happened to you? You're covered in blood! And this room...."

Kitty looked around the room. Doc's office had never looked like this after treating a patient. "It's not mine, Matt! It's not mine.” She put her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back against the sofa. “Don't you remember what happened?"

“Yeah. Some,” he admitted. “How’d I get back inside?”

“You walked.”

“Not on my own, I bet.” He was beginning to regain more memory of the evening before. He looked down at the bandage below his knee.

“You had to have stitches.”

“You rode for Doc?”

“There wasn’t time. You would have...bled to death before we got back. I--” Her eyes filled with tears and she choked back a sob. “What do you think Doc would have to say about me riding?”

“You mean you stitched up my leg? Kitty, you shouldn’t have had to do that. I’m sorry.” He tried to pull her toward him but couldn’t quite manage it. In daylight she could see that he was as pale as he was the day before, and when she reached up to kiss him she noticed he felt a bit feverish.

“Matt, I’m going to get you some of that stewed rabbit we never got a chance to eat for supper. You lost a lot of blood last night. You need to get your strength back.” She stood and every muscle in her body protested as she walked to the kitchen. Her back hurt even more and she could barely move her left arm.

“Where’s yours?” Matt asked her when she brought him the bowl of stew.

“I’ll have some in a little while.” In spite of actually feeling hungry this morning, she didn’t have the energy to eat.

“I’ll eat when you eat.” Matt waited. She didn’t have the energy to argue, either. When she returned with her own bowl and had taken a few bites, Matt finally started eating. As hungry as he was, he stopped every few bites and refused to go on until Kitty ate more, finally getting her to eat about half the bowl. “Where’s my boot?” he asked looking around.

Kitty pointed in the direction she thought she’d thrown it the night before. “It’s ruined.”

“It’ll have to do until we get back to town. I’m going out to take care of the horses.” He started to get up to retrieve the boot.

“The only place you’re going is to bed!” Kitty exclaimed, instantly forgetting her own fatigue. “You have a fever and you’ll undo all that fancy needlework I did last night. I’ll go.”

Matt looked at her incredulously. “You’re the one who’s going to bed. Come on. We’ll both go. The horses will be all right awhile longer.” Kitty nodded her consent, but they both knew Matt would go out as soon as she fell asleep, just as they both knew Kitty would be determined to stay awake longer to prevent that from happening. They walked, arms around each other’s waists, to the bedroom, Matt looking curiously into the open lean-to door as they passed it.

“Kitty, are you going to tell me about the wheelbarrow?” he asked her once they reached the bedroom.

“I had to bring the firewood in.”

“Oh, Kitty. We would have been all right.” How could he blame her? He had told her himself it was going to be a cold, snowy night and he wanted to make sure they didn’t run out. The truth was, like the hunting he’d done before lunch, he’d found another outside chore in order to do some thinking about Kitty’s question. How could he run a farm and continue to wear the badge? More importantly, what would it do to Kitty? _Forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her._ He told Doc he’d take care of her and not only was she taking care of him, it could have cost her their child.

As tired as Kitty was, she couldn’t stand the ruined dress another minute. She wasted no time removing it and her corset, finally able to draw a deep breath for the first time in more than a day. She turned to the bureau to get a nightgown.

“Kitty, what happened to your back?” Matt asked her quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s all bruised up. Did you fall or...was someone _here_?”

“No one was here. I stumbled when we were coming inside and fell back against the doorway. It’s nothing.”

“I did this to you, didn’t I?”

“It couldn’t be helped, Matt. I wish you would stop getting mad at me for doing what I had to do yesterday.”

“Honey, I’m not mad at you. All of this is my fault. I wanted you to see we could have a good life together here and look what happened.”

“What do you think of your fancy saloon owner now, Cowboy?” Kitty smiled as she lay down next to him.

“This isn’t funny, Kitty. You wore yourself out yesterday because of my accident. I hurt you and might have hurt the baby.” He wrapped his arms around her protectively.

“Nothing’s happened to the baby, Matt. We’ll both be just fine.”

“Doc was right. I had no business bringing you out here to live. I want us to live in town. At least until the baby’s born.”

“I agree. About living in town, I mean. But don’t beat yourself up over it, Matt. I think we could be happy here.” Suddenly, Kitty couldn’t keep her eyes open another minute. “G’night, Matt,” she said sleepily, not caring that it was the middle of the morning.

Matt waited until she was sound asleep before slipping quietly out of bed to take care of the horses.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kitty woke to find to find Matt’s side of the bed empty and the light in the room changed. “Matt?” she called anxiously. In a moment she heard his familiar footsteps approaching the door.

“You all right, Kitty?” He walked into the room with a bowl in one hand and a cup in the other.

“Fine, I just--how long did I sleep?”

“Almost a whole day. How do you feel?”

“I’m starved!” she realized. “Is that for me?” She ate a few bites of the rabbit stew and drank some tea, then turned her attention to Matt. He had changed clothes and was wearing his boots. “You haven’t been up on that leg too much, have you?”

“Well,” he grinned a little sheepishly. “I went out to the barn yesterday and then this morning. Besides that, I’ve stayed off of it.”

“You should probably let me have a look at that today.” She took a few more bites of her stew and handed the bowl back to him.

“I will. But first, I want to talk to you about something.” He set the bowl on the bedside table while she waited for him to continue. “I was awake most of the night thinking. Doc made a lot of good points the other day. I can’t take care of you if I’m not here. Here or in town. I have to put you and the baby ahead of this.” Kitty heard a soft metallic noise as he picked something up from the table. She looked at what he was holding out to her.

“Oh, Matt!” she gasped, softly. “Are you sure?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Research tells me my depiction of winter weather in the Dodge City area may not be altogether accurate. Forgive me.

_Close the window, calm the light_   
_And it will be all right_   
_No need to bother now_   
_Let it out, let it all begin_   
_All's forgotten now_   
_We're all alone, oh, we're all alone_

“We’re All Alone” Sung by Rita Coolidge, written by Boz Scaggs

 

 

Chapter Seventeen

 

 

Matt was holding his badge in his hand.

“Oh, Matt! Are you sure?”

“Well, if you don’t want me to….” Matt pulled his hand away and started to pin the badge back on his shirt.

“Matt Dillon! Don’t tease me like that!” Kitty reached up and pulled the badge away. “Now does this mean what I think it means, or not?”

“Yes, ma’am, this is exactly the way it looks, Mrs. Dillon. When we get back to Dodge I’m turning in my resignation. For good, this time,” he added, seeing her skeptical look.

Kitty pushed the covers off and started to get out of bed. “Let’s go, then! Right now!”

“Now, hold on! You might want to have a look outside before you say that.” Kitty pushed the curtains open and looked out the window in dismay. She had never seen so much snow in her life. “It snowed all day yesterday and all night. Finally stopped this morning.”

“It started night before last.” Kitty turned back from the window. “Can’t we try anyway?”

Matt shook his head. “The buggy would never make it. And it’s too dangerous for you to ride in these conditions. We didn’t bring your saddle, anyway.”

“Well, in that case,” she said as she opened the bureau drawer, “you won’t mind if I put this away for safekeeping until we get there.”

Matt laughed. “What’s the matter? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course. It’s just that something always changes your mind.” Kitty tried to keep the tone of her voice light but Matt could hear sadness at the edge of it. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him.

“Kitty, I am not going to change my mind.” He turned her face up to his and kissed her.

“You promise?”

“Yes, Kitty, I promise. I’ll send a telegram the day we get back. What I can’t promise is how long it will take for Washington to send a replacement. I’ll recommend Newly, if he’s interested, but what the government will do is anybody’s guess.” He saw the disappointed look on her face as she started to turn away again. “What?”

“You’re saying you’ll resign if they let you go.”

“No, I’m not saying that. I just don't know how long it will take to replace me.”

“Oh, I see. Because you’re...irreplaceable. Is that it?” Kitty asked pointedly.

“All right, Kitty. I get it. I’ll give them two weeks, and I can probably get Newly approved as acting Marshal until they name a permanent replacement. Satisfied?”

“Satisfied? We’ll see. Now, suppose you let me have a look at those stitches?”

 

* * *

 

“Matt, let’s go outside!” They had finished eating lunch and were sitting at the table drinking coffee when Kitty made this, to Matt’s way of thinking, unbelievable suggestion.

“Outside! You hate the snow!”

“I hate the snow in _Dodge_. It’s muddy and ugly there. See how pretty it is here?”

“Sure, and it’s still cold and wet and I know you hate that, too. Say, is that apple pie I smell?”

“Now, don’t go changing the subject on me, Cowboy! But since you asked, that is apple pie you smell and we’re gonna need something to do until it cools off enough to eat. Oh, come on, Matt! I baked an apple pie for you, the least you could do is go outside with me!”

“Yeah,” Matt said rolling his eyes. “Just wait in here and I’ll go shovel a path for you.” Matt got up from the kitchen table and took his coat off the peg by the door. “Women!” he muttered as he put on his hat and gloves on his way out the door.

Kitty was bundled up and standing outside watching long before Matt had much of a path shoveled. He shook his head when he saw her attire. “You’re going to freeze dressed like that, honey. Didn’t you bring anything warmer?” Her open cloak, thin gloves, and the scarf wrapped around her neck would keep her reasonably protected for a short walk to the general store or across the street to Doc’s, but were completely unsuitable for what he was beginning to suspect she had in mind.

“I’ll be fine! Don’t worry so much! Besides, you can help warm me up afterwards,” she said, raising her brows at him.

“All right,” Matt said in defeat, abandoning his plan to make a nice, neat path for Kitty to walk on now that it was becoming clear she had no intention of staying on it. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

“Let’s make a snowman!”

“A what?” Did she really just say a _snowman_?

“A snowman! I never got to when I was a kid and I bet you didn’t, either.”

“No, and it never occurred to me to want to.”

“Well, don’t you think we should know how, so we can teach the kids?”

“ _Kids!_ Now, just a minute here, Kitty, we’re just getting started with that!” He couldn’t say what they were both thinking. _Who says there are going to be any more?_

_Who says there won’t be?_ “Are you going to help me, or not?” Without waiting for an answer Kitty lifted her skirts and stepped off the path, plunging into snow that more than covered the tops of her shoes.

“Hold on, you’re just going to get stuck, let me carry--” The look she gave him stopped him from finishing his sentence. He sighed. “Where do you want it?”

Kitty scanned the front yard and pointed at a spot several yards away. “Over there.” Carrying the shovel with him, Matt walked next to Kitty as she struggled through the snow, resisting the impulse to help unless asked.

“Well, what do I do first?” Matt asked when they reached the designated spot.

“I don’t know,” Kitty admitted. “But you brought the shovel. I thought maybe you had a plan.”

“Not really.” Shaking his head, he started shoveling the snow into a pile, from time to time packing it in tighter, until finally a shapeless figure nearly as tall as Kitty stood in front of them. “Well, that could be better,” he admitted.

“It’s not too bad for the first one,” Kitty said charitably. “Maybe some arms would help.”

“Well, they sure couldn’t hurt!” Matt strode through the snow to a nearby tree and snapped off a couple of short branches. After he attached them to the sides of the snow creature he stood back and examined it. “That’s a _little_ better.”

“It still needs a little something.” Kitty looked at Matt. “Maybe a hat….” She reached for the top of his head and he backed away. “Oh, no ya don’t! I gotta draw the line somewhere. You aren’t putting my hat on that...that thing!”

“Oh, all right!” Kitty pretended to pout. She reached down and picked up a handful of snow. “You better arm yourself, Matt. We’re about to have a snowball fight.”

“Now, Kitty, what’s gotten into you? What do you want to have a snowball fight for?”

“The same reason anyone has a snowball fight...for fun. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how to have _fun_ , Marshal! I just thought we deserved a little fun after the last couple of days.”

“Well, in that case,” Matt said, stepping back a few paces, “I hope you’re ready, Mrs. Dillon!” He quickly formed his own snowball as Kitty took aim and hit him squarely in the chest. Matt tossed his half-heartedly and it landed short of its target.

“Oh, come on, Matt, you weren’t even trying! You aren’t going to hurt me with a little snow,” Kitty called, laughing. They exchanged a few more rounds, Kitty continuing to hit Matt in the chest most of the time, while he was careful to hit her in the arm or shoulder.

“You can do better than that, Cowboy!” Kitty taunted, letting another snowball fly. Without thinking, he threw his snowball as hard as he could. Kitty shrieked as it hit her full in the face.

“Kitty!” Matt ran to her, putting his arm around her and brushing the snow from her face. “I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to! Are you all right?” Kitty sputtered, trying to get the snow out of her mouth. Wordlessly she bent down for more snow. Matt saw the twinkle in her eye too late to defend himself as she reached up and pulled his collar away from his neck, shoving the handful of snow inside his shirt. “Hey, no fair! I was unarmed! Are we even now?”

“Sure, we’re even.” Kitty grabbed his collar with both hands and pulled him toward her for a kiss. Matt wrapped his arms around her and she leaned back, pulling him with her. Suddenly her feet slipped out from under her and they landed, Kitty flat on her back in the snow with Matt on top of her.

“Kitty Dillon! You did that on purpose!”

“Now, why would I do that?” she asked innocently.

“Probably so this would happen. Now, let’s get you inside, all right? You’re covered with snow now, and my landing on top of you like that couldn’t be good for you.”

“You didn’t hurt us a bit,” Kitty protested, giving him one more kiss.

“What about your back? Didn’t it hurt when you landed on it?”

“Oh, only for a minute. All right, I guess we can go in, now.” Matt stood and then reached down to help her up. “One more thing,” she said. She stretched her arms out and waved them up and down, then kicked her feet out to the sides and back several times.

“Kitty?” She reached up and Matt leaned down again to help her stand up. “What was _that_?”

“A snow angel. Well, it’s supposed to be, anyway,” Kitty said, looking down at her handiwork. “I guess it didn’t turn out any better than our snowman, did it?”

Matt scooped her up and carried her, unprotestingly, back to the path in front of the cabin. Kitty shook out her skirts while Matt picked the snow from her hair and brushed as much as he could from the back of her cloak.

“Now, suppose you get inside and get out of those wet clothes,” Matt told her, doing his best to make it sound like a suggestion and not an order.

“Oh, Cowboy,” Kitty looked up at him longingly. “If only you meant that the way it sounded.” Matt put his arm around her.

“Come on. I’ll help you,” he said as they walked inside.


	18. Chapter 18

_There's no love, like your love_   
_And no other could give more love_   
_There's nowhere, unless you're there_   
_All the time, all the way_

“(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” Sung by Bryan Adams, written by Bryan Adams, Robert John 'Mutt' Lange and Michael Kamen

 

Chapter 18

 

Three days later, the Dillon’s buggy drove into Dodge City, its mud-caked wheels barely turning by the time it reached Grimmick’s stable. “Afternoon, Hank,” Matt said to the thin old man who shuffled out to meet them. “Can you take care of the horses for me? I’ll be back later to collect our things and try to clean that mud off.”

“Sure thing, Marshal,” Hank said as he watched Matt step down carefully from the buggy, then turn to help Kitty out. “Mrs. Dillon,” he greeted her, touching the brim of his hat.

“Hello, Hank,” she said, giving him the briefest of smiles. Matt put his arm around her.

"Much obliged, Hank.” As they walked away, Hank heard the Marshal ask his bride, “Are you sure you're up to walking…” Come to think of it, Miss Kitty--er, Mrs. Dillon did look a mite peaked. So did the Marshal. The two of them must have had quite a honeymoon, he reckoned. He stood watching them awhile longer, wondering why they were going in the direction of the telegraph office and not the Long Branch, the Dodge House, or even the jail. Well, more than likely the Marshal had to let Washington know he was back in town, he decided, turning to lead the Dillons’ horses into the stable.

At the telegraph office, Matt interrupted Barney, having Sunday dinner with his family in their living quarters in back, to send a wire to Washington DC.

“Can’t this wait until tomorrow, Marshal?” asked Barney, after the usual pleasantries about the Dillons’ return to town had been exchanged. “I’m really only open for emergencies on Sunday.”

“No, it can’t!” Matt growled. “It should have been sent out weeks ago!” He pulled Kitty closer to him as he handed Barney the message, giving notice of Matt’s resignation effective two weeks from that day, that they had worked on together before leaving their honeymoon cabin.

Barney raised his eyebrows as he read it. “And just remember that’s confidential information!” Matt added with a steely gaze.

“Of course, Marshal,” Barney said nervously as he began to transmit the message. He’d sent other resignations from Marshal Dillon in the past, but he had a feeling this would be the last one, based on his recent marriage to Miss Kitty and the talk surrounding it. If Mrs. Dillon’s appearance at that moment was any indication, the rumors might well be true, for her face had a slightly greenish tinge under her makeup and she looked as if she were about to-- “Is your wife all right, Marshal?”

Matt took one look at Kitty and wasted no time. “Barney, we’ve been traveling all day and haven’t had lunch yet,” he barked as he guided Kitty toward the door. “If you get a reply on that today, we’ll be staying at the Dodge House.”

“Are you hungry or sick?” he asked Kitty as they walked away from the telegraph office.

“A little of both,” she said. “I think I’ll feel better if I eat something.”

“Well, then, I’ll take you to Delmonico’s.”

“Just so it’s not catfish stew,” Kitty amended, trying to will her stomach not to turn over at the thought.

Delmonico’s was empty as the waiter greeted them. Cutting off what was sure to be a long welcome back speech, Matt said shortly, “Just bring out whatever you’ve got in back, Joe, as long as it’s not catfish stew. Kitty needs to eat something right away. And get her a cup of tea.”

Joe had heard the rumors as well, and asked no questions as he turned toward the kitchen. “Just have a seat anywhere, Marshal.”

Matt pulled out the nearest chair for Kitty and sat down himself after making sure she was comfortable. Kitty touched his arm lightly. “Matt, there’s no need to order people around like they were outlaws. I know you have better manners than that.”

“Sorry, Kitty. I guess I’m just mad at myself. I should have gotten you a room before I went to the telegraph office.”

“Well, that’s as much my fault as it is yours. I did make you promise to go there as soon as we got back to town.”

“Yes, you did. But I still should have remembered to get you something to eat. I didn’t think it would take us as long as it did to get back, with all that mud.” He shook his head. “I promised Doc I’d take care of you, but nothing has gone right since the wedding. I guess I’m a better marshal than I am a husband.”

“It’s not Doc you need to make happy, it’s me, and you’ve been wonderful. Stop blaming yourself, Matt. Nothing that’s happened was your fault. Well, you did give me this baby, but I hope that‘s not one of the things you think has gone wrong.”

“Of course not.”

“And I’m feeling much better since we sat down, so you can just quit your worrying. Here comes Joe with our food.”

“The cook didn’t have anything ready yet, but the chicken soup was just made today.” Joe set a bowl of soup in front of each of them, along with a pot of tea and two cups. “Would you rather have coffee, Marshal? And the cook is working on supper if you want anything else.”

“Thanks, Joe, the tea’s fine. Why don’t you bring me a steak and whatever you’ve got to go with it. Do you want anything else, Kitty?”

“The soup’s fine for now,” she told Joe, “but can you wrap up a couple of sandwiches for us to take along? Oh, and Joe?” Kitty gave Matt a sidelong glance. “The Marshal’s sorry he was so grumpy when we came in. We’re both tired from our trip home, and he wants you to know he appreciates you bringing this out so fast.”

Matt rolled his eyes at this. “Yeah.”

“You’re welcome, Marshal, Mrs. Dillon.”

“If it isn’t the newlyweds! When did you two get back in town?” Doc stood in front of them.

“Afternoon, Doc! Why don’t you join us?” Kitty smiled at Doc and Matt noticed with some relief that her face was returning to its normal color.

“Hello, Doc! Pull up a chair. We just got back.”

“Well, now what’s happened to the two of you?” Doc asked, noting their bedraggled appearance. “You look like something the cat dragged in!”

“Well, I’ll tell you, Doc, we’d have been better off trying to drive through all that snow than the mud we had to get through after it all melted. We kept getting mired down, even with Buck hitched to the buggy instead of Lady, and he wasn’t too happy about that, believe me. I must have had to get out and push a dozen times.”

“We were just coming to see you, Doc, after we got done eating,” Kitty said in between spoonfuls of her soup. Matt looked at her in surprise. We were? “Matt had an accident a few days ago cutting wood. You ought to have a look at it, make sure he didn’t break anything open pushing the buggy, especially with all that mud he got into.”

Matt scowled. “Well, fine, but first he’s gonna look you over and make sure you didn’t do any permanent damage to your back and shoulder.”

Doc looked at both of them incredulously. “What in thunder happened out there? What about your back and shoulder?” he asked Kitty.

“She got hurt helping me into the cabin.”

Doc sputtered incoherently and his face turned red. He scrubbed at his mustache furiously. “Kitty, if you’re finished with your soup, I’d like to see you up in my office if you don’t mind,” he said calmly. Too calmly.

“Sure, Doc,” she said, starting to get up from the table. Matt stood to help her with her chair.

“Doc, I think it can wait until we’re both done here. I’ve got a steak coming.”

“Oh, stay here and eat your steak. I’ll deal with you later!” Doc stomped out of Delmonico’s without a backward glance at either of them.

Kitty raised her eyebrows. “He’ll _deal_ with you later?”

“Something tells me I’d better come along with you now,” Matt said, scowling again. He threw some money on the table, calling “Joe, I’ll be back in a while for that steak!”

 

* * *

 

“You did _what_?”

Matt had been waiting for at least half an hour while Doc examined Kitty in the other room, presumably getting the whole story from her as well, or at least as much as he was willing to listen to. From the sound of things, it was time for him to intervene. He threw open the door in time to hear Kitty trying to reason with him. “What was I supposed to do instead, Doc? Pull him up into the buggy? Or ride into town and maybe get thrown somewhere while he bled to dea--” Kitty started crying then and Matt pulled her into his arms.

“That’s enough, Doc!” Matt snarled. “You all right, Kitty?”

She nodded, wiping her eyes. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“You don’t have any reason to talk to Kitty that way! If you have something to say about what happened out there, you say it to me! You told me not to go upsetting her but you sure don’t have a problem doing it.” In spite of his harsh words to Doc, Matt’s hands on her back were gentle and soothing. _How did he do that?_ Kitty wondered.

“Well, as a matter of fact, I do have some things to say to you!” Doc bellowed, his face livid. Matt gently pushed Kitty out of the way and stood facing Doc.

Kitty was horrified. Doc was as angry as she’d ever seen him, and Matt was close to reacting as he had any time a cowhand got too insistent with her at the Long Branch. In a minute the two men she loved most in the world were going to come to blows over her unless she did something to stop it.


	19. Chapter 19

_She's got a smile that heals me_   
_I don't know why it is_   
_But I have to laugh when she reveals me_

“She’s Got a Way” Written and sung by Billy Joel

 

Chapter Nineteen

Doc was as angry as she’d ever seen him, and Matt was close to reacting as he had any time a cowhand got too insistent with her at the Long Branch. In a minute the two men she loved most in the world were going to come to blows over her unless she did something to stop it. “Doc!” she exclaimed, trying to get his attention, to no avail.

“Well, let’s have it, then!” Matt shouted, clenching his fists. “Just remember which one of us is her husband!”

“Matt! Stop it!” Kitty stood in front of him, facing him with both hands on his chest. “Both of you!” She turned to face Doc, holding out one hand in front of her as if to keep the two of them apart. “Would the two of you please remember that you’re _friends_?” So far her words were having no effect. She looked up at Matt, finally getting him to look into her eyes instead of at Doc. _I can’t let him talk to you like that, Kitty._

“Matt, you don’t have any reason to talk to Doc that way, either. You know I can take care of myself; you don’t have to attack everyone who raises their voice to me. And you…”Kitty turned her attention back to Doc. “I’m surprised at you, Curly. You just told me I’m fine and the baby’s fine and then you go and lose your temper like that anyway! Yes, I took care of Matt when he got hurt and then the next day he took care of me. That’s how it’s always been. I don’t know why you thought that would change just because I’m going to have a baby. I know you’re worried about me, Doc, but you have to stop treating me like a child.”

Doc sighed and sat down on the chair next to the bed, motioning for Kitty and Matt to sit down, too.

“You’re right, Kitty, that’s exactly how I’ve been treating you. You know you’re more than a patient to me, and I haven’t been acting very much like a doctor lately. I’ve been acting like an old fool who doesn’t think any man is good enough for his daughter, even if I did spend years trying to get that man to marry her.” Matt continued to glare at Doc after hearing this.

“I want both of you to stop acting like I’m going to break. You know I’m tougher than that. We all thought my body was too damaged to carry a child but by some miracle we’ve been given one anyway. This baby is tougher than you think. She wants to live.”

_“She?”_ Matt and Doc exclaimed at the same time.

“You don’t mind, do you Matt? I’ve been hoping for a girl so I guess I just started thinking of her that way.”

“No, Kitty, I don’t mind. I’ll be happy with a little girl as long as she looks like you and not me.” Matt grinned. “But I’ll be happy either way, as long as the baby gets here.”

“Well, Kitty,” Doc pulled at his ear and rubbed his mustache. “You just might have a point there. After all, this baby has the two most stubborn parents in Dodge, maybe even in Kansas. I think she’s probably determined to come into the world. Just remember what she needs most is a healthy mother.”

“Doc, if I promise to take it easy from now on, will you promise not to get mad or lecture us every time I forget?”

“Well, Kitty, I”ll...I’ll try.” Doc gave a nod.

“And it might interest you to know...Grandpa...that a couple of decisions were made while we were gone, too. We’re living in Dodge until after the baby is born.” Kitty’s eyes met Matt’s in silent agreement. “And we’re going to make an offer on the farm as soon as I sell the Long Branch.”

“Well, that’s just fine.” Doc said in relief. The thought of Kitty spending even one night alone out there, never mind the weeks at a time Matt allowed his job to take him away, had worked at his mind so much in the last week it was no wonder he overreacted when Kitty started telling him about Matt’s injury.

“Matt, you want to tell him the rest?”

“You mean there’s more?”

“Kitty won’t be spending any more nights alone,” Matt said, casually pulling the left side of his vest away.

“Where’s your badge?” Doc asked.

“Kitty has it.”

“And I’d better give it back, at least for the next two weeks,” she said, taking the badge from her handbag and handing it to Matt.

“Well, I’m not going to even ask how that came about,” Doc said, holding out his hand for Matt to shake. “For good, this time?”

“So he tells me." Kitty smiled, putting an arm around each man. "Now, do the two of you think you can manage not to be at each other's throats every time I wash a plate or get a hangnail or something?"

“Well, I guess I can if he can. Now I think it’s about time I had a look at that leg.”

Matt folded up his pant leg and Doc shook his head when he saw the mangled and bloodstained boot. He unwound the bandage and then looked wordlessly at Kitty before examining the gash.

“How long ago did this happen?”

“Five days.” Kitty answered, starting to feel worried. She _thought_ it looked all right the last time she changed the bandage. Had he pulled the stitches out pushing the buggy this morning?

“Well, I’d say this is healing up about as well as could be expected. You obviously have a very fine physician.” He cleared his throat and patted Kitty on the shoulder.

“Oh, Doc,” Kitty protested.

“You can take those stitches out in about a week.”

“You better look out, Doc. She just might run you out of business.” Matt sat up, pulling his pant leg back down.

“Now, stop that, both of you!” Kitty laughed, shaking her head.

Doc put his arm around Kitty’s shoulders, feeling even more embarrassed about his tirade earlier. “You did good, honey. I’m proud of you.”

Matt looked at her and nodded in agreement.


	20. Chapter 20

_You know my thoughts_   
_Before I open up my mouth and try to speak_   
_You know my dreams_   
_Must be listening when I'm talking in my sleep_   
_I hope you know_   
_I love having you around me don't you know?_

“Thankful” Sung by Kelly Clarkson, written by Kelly Clarkson et.al.

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty

 

In their room at the Dodge House, Kitty prepared to take a bath while Matt lay stretched out on the bed, hands behind his head. “I think I’ll wash my hair, too,” she said, brushing it in front of the mirror.

Matt sat up. “While you’re doing that I think I’ll go talk to Festus and Newly, before the news has a chance to get out. If you don’t mind,” he added.

Kitty put down the brush and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “No, I don’t mind, but don’t forget this is the last night of our honeymoon, Cowboy. Try not to get so involved in marshaling that you come back way too late. If anything happens just let Festus and Newly handle it, please?”

Matt pulled her close to kiss her goodbye. “I’ll do my best, honey.”

Kitty sighed as she watched him walk out the door. She guessed that would have to do. It was going to be a long two weeks trying not to worry that something would happen to make him change his mind, or worse.

Matt found Newly and Festus both at the jail office.

Festus looked up from the gun he was cleaning. “Matthew! Just get back into town, did ya?”

“This afternoon. Had to take care of a few things and get Kitty settled in at the hotel.”

“Marshal.” Newly got up and shook Matt’s hand. “We weren’t expecting you back until tomorrow. How was your trip?”

“Fine, just fine.” He sat down at his desk. “There’s something I need to talk to both of you about.” He filled both men in on his decision to resign in two weeks’ time, telling them he hoped they would stay on as deputy once he was gone.

“Wal, Matthew, thet depends on who t’ other fuller is. Cain’t see m’self deputyin’ for some stuck-up polecat like t’ one they sent over t’ summer when ya wuz laid up with yer arm. But don’t you worry none. I aim to stick around Dodge my ownself an’ help you n’ Miss Kitty out with th’ young’un.”

“Young’un?” Matt stared at Festus, sure he hadn’t told him about the baby yet.

“Now, Matthew, I know they ain’t been no official ‘nouncement, but I know blame well yer fixin’ t’ be a pa. I kin jes’ tell the way Miss Kitty looks so happy lately they has to be more to it then jes’ gittin’ hitched up with you!” That was true enough, but there was also the talk that had been going around town the last few weeks. Festus was content to act like his Haggen sense was what clued him in. Someone else could tell Matthew about the gossip, if they was a mind to.

“All right, Festus, it’s true,” Matt growled.

“How is Mrs. Dillon feeling?” Newly asked.

“Fine, about like you’d expect at a time like this.” Suddenly Matt realized he had the perfect approach to what he had planned to ask them. “There’s something you two could do for her, if you can. I’d rather not leave her alone any more than I have to. If you could see to the out of town business, I know she’d be mighty grateful.”

“Oh, fiddle, Matthew, you know I’d do anything for Miss Kitty. You don’t even hafta ask me!”

Newly grinned. “You can count on me, Marshal. Tell Mrs. Dillon not to worry about a thing.”

Festus had finished cleaning and reloading his gun and stood up, holstering it. “I b’lieve I’ll go git started with rounds now,” he said, heading for the door. “I ‘spect you’ll be wanting to git back to Miss Kitty, Matthew, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Newly, I’ll see you directly.”

Matt pulled some paper and a pen from his desk and began writing his formal resignation. “Newly, I’m going to recommend you for the job. That is assuming you want it, of course.”

“Truthfully, Marshal, I’d have to give it some thought before accepting it. But I’d appreciate the recommendation just the same, if you’re still willing to give it.”

“I’ll do that, “Matt said, nodding. He finished the letter and read it over, making sure the ink was dry before stuffing it into the envelope. “All ready for tomorrow’s post.”

“Speaking of that, there’s your mail. And Miss--Mrs. Dillon’s. Festus and I took care of everything official, but it’s all there if you want to have a look at it.”

“Tomorrow,” he said, glancing through the unopened envelopes, which were for Kitty except for one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Matt Dillon. “I’ll take these over to Kitty when I go. Anything happen around here while I was gone?”

Newly suppressed a grin while relating a few minor incidents that had taken place that week. No more than a month ago, those would have been the first words out of the Marshal’s mouth when he got back. Of course, a month ago, it hadn’t been his honeymoon he was returning from.

 

* * *

 

 

Kitty had left the lamp burning for him, but Matt wasn’t surprised to see her already asleep, her hair fanned out around her on the pillow to dry, when he returned to their room. He didn’t think he’d been gone much over an hour, but he’d forgotten that “way too late” came around earlier in the evening for Kitty than it used to. He debated whether to wake her as he set the mail on the table and started getting ready for bed. Knowing how disappointed she always was when he just let her sleep, he decided he’d better give it a try.

“Mrs. Dillon,” he said softly, while kissing her neck and shoulder. “I’m home.” Kitty murmured something unintelligible. “Can I get a goodnight kiss?”

“Uh huh,” she said, but made no move. Matt decided to try another tactic.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Buy you a drink, Miss Russell?” in his best Marshal’s voice.

Kitty sat up, gasping indignantly. “Matt!” Seeing the same little-boy grin on his face he’d had the first time she ever heard those words from him, she started laughing. “All right, I’m awake!”

“Got your attention, didn’t I?” He pulled her close for a kiss. “Forgive me?”

“This time,” she said softly, returning his kisses. “But only because that was the first thing you said to me after Bill introduced us.” Between kisses, she asked him how his visit to the office went.

“Oh, fine, fine. Festus and Newly send their love.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s _exactly_ how they put it.” Kitty rolled her eyes at him.

“They picked up your mail for you. Want it?” He was still kissing her.

“Tomorrow.” Still kissing.

“Well, we got a letter, too.”

“We did? You mean, addressed to us both?”

“Yep.”

“Matt, why didn’t you say so? I want to see that one!” Kitty disentangled herself from his arms and went to the table. The letter in question was on top of the stack. _Mr. and Mrs. Matt Dillon._

She sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at it. Matt watched her with amusement.

“You gonna open it, or just look at it all night?” he finally asked.

“Oh,” She laughed softly, carefully lifting the flap of the envelope. She started reading and then looked at him, smiling. “It’s from Bess!” She finished reading the short letter. “She’s sorry she couldn’t get back from her brother’s in time for the wedding, but she’s back now and she’s invited us for Thanksgiving dinner! Matt, I completely forgot Thanksgiving is this week!”

“I didn’t even think about it at all,” Matt said sheepishly.

“Oh, you never do.” Kitty looked at him pointedly, but smiled as she continued. “You just show up and eat, if you’re even in town instead of running some outlaw around the state.”

“I’ll be there.”

“We’ll see,” she said, winking at him. She put the letter down on the bedside table and put out the lamp. “Now, where were we?” she asked, snuggling closer to him.

Matt pulled her closer and breathed in the scent of her freshly washed hair. “I think you were right here.”


	21. Chapter 21

_Grateful for this sheltered place_   
_With light in every window,_   
_Saying "welcome, welcome, share this feast_   
_Come in away from sorrow."_

“Thanksgiving Song” Written and sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter

 

Chapter Twenty One

 

“We’ll start moving in after Thanksgiving, if that’s all right with you, Matt.” They had just finished looking at a house just outside of Dodge City, which the owner was happy to rent to the Marshal and his wife immediately.

“Oh, fine, fine.” This was Matt’s answer to everything Kitty had suggested since coming back to town, with the exception of buying a new pair of boots. She had walked into the jail after her dressmaker’s fitting that morning to find Matt patching his boot with an awl and a strip of rawhide.

“Are you sure you don’t want Doc to do that?” Matt looked up at her. “I thought we were going to the general store to get you some new boots.”

“There’s nothing wrong with these boots.” The expression on Kitty’s face registered her disagreement with that. “And I thought you were going over there so you could buy dishes and such. You don’t need _me_ for that, do you?”

“No, and I guess you aren’t any different than any other man when it comes to that, so there’s no sense getting mad about it.” she sighed. “But I’ll have you know, Cowboy, I already have ‘dishes,’ as you refer to my china set, it’s pots and pans that I’ll need. My old ones can just stay at the Long Branch. Though I never did order the replacement for that soup tureen.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

“Yeah,” Matt said uncomfortably, wondering if she’d ever forget the night he’d fallen asleep much too early on an important dinner date, amid the raucous saloon noise downstairs and despite the crash of the soup tureen on the floor at the foot of her bed. She’d always insisted it slipped right out of her hands as she was clearing the table, but he had his doubts about that, especially since she repeatedly mentioned forgetting to replace it. “Maybe this time you could remember to do that,” he said with a wink.

 

* * *

 

 The minute they stepped onto the Roniger’s porch the front door opened and a voice squealed “Kitty!” An instant later a young girl hurled herself at Kitty with such force that she would have been knocked down if Matt hadn’t been standing behind her.

“Hello, Emily, how have you been?” Kitty said warmly, returning the girl’s hug.

“Fine, Ma’s helping me make a new dress, you want to see it?”

“Land sakes, child! Let Miss Kitty come inside before you go pouncing on her!” Bess appeared at the doorway, wiping her hands on her apron. “Go on and help your sisters in the kitchen and let our guests come inside before they catch their death of cold.”

“”Maybe later,” Kitty whispered, smiling as she watched the girl go into the house. “Bess, I still can’t believe that’s the same girl. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was one of your own.”

“Well, she is now, Kitty! Of course, she still has a ways to go, like learning not to tackle you every time you come for a visit. Marshal, Will and the boys are in the barn keeping out from underfoot if you want to join them.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Roniger, I’ll do that.” Matt finished helping Kitty off with her cloak and went back out the front door, tipping his hat.

“Maria, come take care of Miss Kitty’s wrap for her! Come on in and have a seat, Kitty.”

“Oh, Bess, let me help you out in the kitchen.” Kitty sniffed at the smells of turkey and pumpkin pie filling the air, glad that her stomach finally seemed to be on good behavior.

“Nonsense, Kitty, you’re our guest, I don’t want you to lift a finger around here!”

“All, right, then. Oh, I almost forgot,” Kitty said, handing her the bottle of wine she had brought. “You told me I didn’t need to bring anything, but I couldn’t come empty-handed. For you and Will to have later.”

Bess laughed. “I’m sure we’ll need it by then. That was so thoughtful of you, Kitty!”

“Now, Bess, where’s this grandchild I heard about?” Will, Jr., the oldest, was married with a three-month-old son, William Roniger the Third.

“Jeanie!” Bess called to Will, Jr.’s wife. “Bring little Billy out here for Miss Kitty to have a look at!”

“Oh, isn’t he beautiful!” Kitty exclaimed over the baby in Jeanie’s arms. “May I hold him?” Jeanie shyly held the baby out to Kitty.

“Well, it looks like we found something for you to do after all, Kitty,” Bess said, chuckling. “You don’t mind keeping an eye on him while we finish getting dinner ready, do you?”

“Not a bit!” Kitty sat down in the chair next to the fireplace and began rocking Billy, staring at him intently. With his sparse, blond hair, he looked nothing like she imagined her and Matt’s child would look. She certainly hoped their baby would have more hair than this baby, especially if it did turn out to be the girl she was hoping for. Kitty felt a tiny movement deep inside. It was similar to what she had felt the last few days, but stronger, and she was sure she had just felt the baby kick. She looked down at Billy and smiled. _Looks like someone is a little jealous._ From the doorway of the kitchen, Bess watched Kitty thoughtfully.

 

Three tables had been placed end to end in the dining room to create one long table for the Roniger family and their guests to share Thanksgiving dinner. The table had been set and the Roniger girls were busy loading it with the feast they had spent the last day and a half preparing. As the men filed in from the barn, Matt caught sight of Kitty in the rocking chair holding the Ronigers’ grandson. All her attention was on the baby, who was asleep, and she didn’t see him walk in. As Matt stood there with a half-smile on his face, imagining Kitty rocking their own child in a few months, she felt his eyes on her and looked up. Their eyes met as Matt began to cross the room toward her. Bess, carrying the enormous turkey platter to set at the head of the table, witnessed the silent, shared glance between the two and wondered if it meant what she thought it meant.

“Isn’t he just precious?” Kitty asked when Matt stood in front of her.

“He sure is something, isn’t he,” Matt agreed, his eyes still on Kitty.

“I’d better go lay him down so we can eat.” Kitty stood and Jeanie suddenly appeared next to her.

“I’ll take him; you go ahead and sit down. Thanks for minding him for me,” Jeanie smiled and carefully took her baby from Kitty’s arms, trying not to wake him

“Let’s go sit down,” Matt said, and Kitty took his arm. In the dining room, Bess told them to sit anywhere they liked. Matt pulled out Kitty’s chair and sat next to her, and soon they were surrounded by the entire Roniger clan, Will at the head of the table and Bess at the opposite end. The younger children chattered excitedly as Bess tried to quiet them down. When silence was finally achieved, everyone joined hands for the blessing. As Will said a prayer of thanks for the many blessings bestowed upon them, Kitty bowed her head and silently gave thanks for the blessings in her own life.

 

When dinner was finished, the men and older boys went to do chores and the younger children were shooed outside to play. Bess had been banished from the kitchen while the older girls and Jeanie cleaned up. She and Kitty were headed to the sitting room for a long overdue chat when Billy began to wail from the cradle in Bess and Will’s bedroom.

“Well, bless his heart, he’s going to need changed,” Bess declared, changing course immediately.

“Oh, let me do it, Bess, “Kitty said, following her. “I’m going to need the practice.”

Bess turned and stared at her for a moment. “Kitty!” she exclaimed, putting an arm around her and almost dragging her to the bedroom. “Are you--” She pulled the door closed behind them. Kitty picked up the screaming Billy and turned to face Bess with a smile. “Yes, I am. I’m going to have a baby.”

“Oh, honey!” Bess exclaimed, gathering diaper changing supplies. “It’s a miracle.” While Bess didn’t know the entire story of Kitty’s life before coming to Dodge, she had confided enough over the years that Bess was aware of Kitty’s doubts about both her ability and Matt’s willingness to ever have a child. After her ordeal with the Dog Soldiers two years earlier, Kitty had insisted she had put the idea out of her mind completely.

Kitty nodded in agreement. “I’m just so happy…” she began, and then burst into tears. “I’m sorry, Bess, I must seem awful silly to such an...an experienced mother….”

Bess took Billy from Kitty’s arms. “Nonsense! I’ll take care of Billy, you just have yourself a good cry and then we can talk all about it.” While Bess changed the baby, Kitty sat on the edge of the bed and poured out the fears she’d refused to let herself give in to since finding out about the baby; Doc’s concern over the baby’s survival and Matt’s worries about her physical condition; the loss of Sam and impending sale of the Long Branch; her relief over Matt’s resignation and the awareness that it wouldn’t put an end to the danger that he faced--that both of them, all _three_ of them now, faced.

Bess sat on the bed next to Kitty and put her arm around her. “It’s perfectly normal to worry like this while you’re expecting, Kitty. Of course, you do have a little more to worry about than most first time mothers. I can’t promise you that everything will be all right, because none of us knows that, but I do know that you and that man love each other, and that’s the most important thing. That, and your baby. You just have to trust that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”

A knock at the bedroom door interrupted them. Bess opened it and Kitty heard Jeanie’s voice. “It’s probably about time for Billy to eat. I can go feed him in the girls’ room if you want me to.” Bess handed the baby over and Jeanie added, “The Marshal is looking for Miss Kitty, is she in there with you?”

“Tell him she’ll be right out, Jeanie.” Bess closed the door and turned back to Kitty. “Sounds like your husband is ready to go home.”

“He wants me to have an early night because we’re packing up my things at the Long Branch tomorrow. We’re moving into a house Saturday.”

“Well, Kitty, why didn’t you say so? The girls and I will be over first thing in the morning and get started with that for you.”

“Bess, I couldn’t ask you to do that, you deserve a day to rest after all the work you went to for this dinner!”

“You didn’t ask, and anyway, you’re the one who’s supposed to be resting.”

“I’m much obliged to you, Bess. Oh, I must look awful!” Kitty dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief.

“Well, your makeup could do with a little touching up. Let me see if I still have some face powder in here somewhere….”

Kitty heard a familiar knock on the door. “I’ll be right out, Matt,” she said softly.

“Everything all right in there?”

“We’re just having a little girl talk,” Bess said, bringing Kitty the container of face powder and a small mirror. “Give her a couple more minutes, Marshal!”

Kitty repaired the damage to her makeup as well as she could before getting up to say goodbye to her friend. “Thank you for everything, Bess. I feel so much better now that we’ve talked.”

 

* * *

 

 Two nights later, Matt and Kitty sat together in front of the fireplace at their new home. “Now that we’re moved in, you can finally start getting some rest. Doc’s going to be after me again for letting you work so hard.” Matt pulled her closer and brushed his lips against her temple.

“He won’t.” Kitty protested. “Doc and I have come to an understanding, remember? And you, Louie and Festus did all the work today. All I did was supervise.”

“Where Festus and Louie are concerned, supervising is work. Now, let’s get you to bed before we fall asleep out here.” Matt stood, swiftly pulling her up along with him.

“Matt, what are you doing?” she asked when he gently lifted her into his arms.

“Just something I forgot to do when we finished moving in,” he answered, carrying her over the threshold to their bedroom.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

 

The man limped wearily from Grimmick’s stable in the direction of the Long Branch, hoping a cold beer in a familiar place would be enough of a welcome back to Dodge City. He had been gone far too long to expect anyone to remember him and what seemed like a good idea two days ago no longer did. His old friends, if they were even still around, wouldn’t necessarily be glad to see him. He hadn’t exactly left town on bad terms, but leaving abruptly out of dissatisfaction with your life didn’t exactly leave time for proper goodbyes. After finally making the decision to go, there was barely time to let his employer know he was leaving and have one last beer and he was off.

It took a moment to realize the red-haired woman who looked up from the ledger as he walked in was not Kitty Russell. “Afternoon, stranger, what’ll you have?” she asked in a gruff but kind voice.

“Beer,” the man stammered as he tossed a coin onto the bar. He was grateful the woman looked up when she had, for although she was obviously older and taller, she wore a dress as fine as anything he remembered Miss Kitty wearing, and he had probably been seconds away from making a fool of himself and, worse starting a discussion he didn’t really want to have. Miss Kitty’s absence from the Long Branch raised questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answers to.

The woman went back to her bookwork at the end of the bar and the man leaned on one elbow, drinking his beer and glancing around the saloon. Somewhat relieved to see no one he recognized, he figured he could finish his beer and slip back out of town unnoticed once his horses had been rested and fed and the shoe Lefty had been threatening to throw was replaced. At the opposite end of the bar a group of men was talking, and the man on the outside of the group closest to him was holding forth, judging by the sound of things, with some gossip that the others weren’t particularly interested in.

“It doesn’t strike the rest of you as peculiar, after all that time? What other reason could there be for the two of them--” the dark haired man was cut off by a gray-haired man who looked vaguely familiar to the stranger as being a rancher.

“Well, what difference does it make, Burke? Not like they’re the first couple to hitch the cart before the horse.”

A blond, mustached man offered his opinion. “What business is it of ours, anyway? Let the womenfolk count the months if they want to. I got better things to do.”

“All I’m sayin’,” the man named Burke continued, “is if a man wants to get married it doesn’t take him that long to propose. Seems like a mighty cheap way to get a man to the altar, if you ask me.”

The stranger heard an irritated sigh from the woman doing books at the end of the bar. He drained his mug of beer and let it drop with a thud. A little gossip was one thing, but this Burke had just crossed the line to downright insulting.

“Now, looka here, mister,” he said with much more bravado than he felt, “that ain’t no way to go talkin’ about a lady!”

Burke turned and eyed the stranger disdainfully. “You say something to me?”

“I said, you oughtn’t to be insultin’ a lady like that!”

“Well, mister,” Burke said somewhat belligerently, “since I’ve never seen you around here before, I’d say you don’t know what you’re talking about. So why don’t you mind your own business.”

“Look who’s talkin’ about minding your own business!” The stranger had had enough of this blowhard. Without thinking he drew back his right fist, and before Nathan Burke realized what was coming, the other man landed a punch that sent Burke flying backwards. The other men moved back and let Burke fall to the floor, looking down at him with some satisfaction.

“He’s out cold!” the gray-haired rancher observed. Several men in the saloon whooped and cheered and someone made a comment about “the jawbone of an ass.”

The stranger turned to the woman working the bar and tipped his hat, figuring it might be in his best interest to make himself scarce before the law showed up. “Sorry for the disturbance, ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat.

“Well, someone needed to do it,” the woman said. “How about a beer on the house?”

“Ma’am?”

The woman nodded her head in Burke’s direction. “From what I hear, he’s had that coming for years. Mighty poor way to talk about someone who saved your life, if you ask me.”

He had no idea to what the woman was referring, but he wasn’t interested in sticking around to find out. “Much obliged for the beer, ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat again, “but I’ll be going now.” He scurried out the swinging doors of the Long Branch as fast as his bad leg would let him, hoping the horses were about ready to go so he could get out of town before Nathan Burke woke up and started looking for him. He was headed in the direction of the stable when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

 

Kitty had spent the last couple of hours doing some early Christmas shopping and window shopping for things for the baby. She walked out of the general store carrying a few more packages than Doc would like, but she was on her way to find Matt, and he would carry them the rest of the way for her. She was about to turn in the direction of the jail when a man came limping hurriedly out of the Long Branch, heading in the direction of the stable. The man’s stiff-legged gait looked familiar and she watched him for a minute, finally calling out his name before he got too far away to hear her.

“Chester? Chester Goode?”

 

 

 

_Oh, the rabbit run, the rabbit flew, the rabbit tore his tail in two_   
_Run rabbit run, the dogs’ll catch you_   
_Run, rabbit run, you better get away_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is partly to fulfill a promise to SingerMe, who felt that someone needed to punch Burke. I'm happy to oblige.
> 
> I am not able to find any copyright information on “Run, Rabbit, Run.”


	23. Chapter 23

 

 

Chapter Twenty Three

 

Chester stopped at the sound of the woman’s voice. “Chester!” he heard again. He turned around and it was sure enough Miss Kitty waving at him from across the street. He waved back. Now that he’d seen her it would be rude not to go speak to her before leaving town.

Kitty waited while Chester crossed Front Street. “Miss Kitty.” Chester tipped his hat. “I was just over to th’ Long Branch and, well, you weren’t over there. I thought maybe you uh…., or maybe you weren’t, uh, in town anymore….”

“It’s nice to see you, too, Chester. Did you meet Hannah when you were over there?”

“Hannah?”

“I sold the Long Branch to Hannah last week.”

“Oh, I see,” stammered Chester, who didn’t see, at all. Why would Miss Kitty sell the Long Branch if she was still in town? Finally noticing the large number of packages Kitty carried, he offered his assistance.

“Thank you, Chester,” Kitty said as he relieved her of most of her purchases. “Matt was supposed to meet me, but I don’t see him yet.”

“Mister Dillon? Is Mister Dillon still the Marshal?”

“Not for long. He’s retiring the end of this week.”

“Well, forevermore!” Chester exclaimed. If that didn’t beat all. Mister Dillon and Miss Kitty both still in Dodge after all these years and both giving up their jobs like that.

“Chester, I think it’s time I explained--” Kitty began, seeing Chester’s confusion, when they were interrupted by a young boy of about eight or nine running up to them.

“Daddy, the man finished shoeing Lefty and he wants to know if we’re going to stable the horses tonight. Can we stay, please? I want to look around town. Oh, ‘scuse me, ma’am, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said, tipping his hat in Kitty’s direction.

Kitty nodded, looking from the boy to Chester and back again, seeing the same straight dark hair and brown eyes. _Daddy?_ “Chester, are you going to introduce me to this young man?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Kitty, this is my boy, Joe. Joe, this is Miss Kitty Russell.”

“Dillon,” she corrected, reaching out to shake Joe’s hand. “I’m Mrs. Dillon now. I’m glad to know you, Joe.”

“It’s a pleasure meetin’ you, Miss Kitty. My Daddy told me all about you, but he never said you were Mister Dillon’s wife.” Joe seemed to have none of the awkward self-consciousness Chester was currently displaying, and Kitty wondered what Joe’s mother was like.

“Well, good gracious! You and Mister Dillon? Good gracious! Congratulations, Miss Kitty! When did--when was…”

“We were married last month. Chester, let’s go find Matt. I know the two of you have lots to talk about, and I’d love for you and Joe to eat supper with us.”

“Well, Miss Kitty, if it wouldn’t put you out none…..”

“Not at all, Chester, we were just going to eat at Delmonico’s tonight.”

“Is Mister Dillon at the jail?” Joe asked. “Daddy, you told me I could see the jail sometime, remember?”

“Well, he just might be, Joe, let’s go find out.” Kitty took Chester’s arm with her free hand and started walking in the direction of Matt’s office, leaving him with no choice but to follow along with her. With his luck that Burke feller would be in there making his complaint when they walked in. He seemed like the type.

Matt was filling out the last of his retirement paperwork at his desk when he heard a familiar step in the doorway.

“Matt, look who I found walking down Front Street!” Standing in front of Kitty was a dark-haired boy and behind her, his former assistant.

Matt pushed his paperwork aside and stood. “Chester! What brings you back to Dodge?”

“Just--just passin’ through, Mister Dillon.” Chester took Kitty’s packages to the table in the middle of the room.

“I think I caught him just in time, Matt! You looked like you were in an awful hurry to get to the stable, Chester,” Kitty teased.

“Well, I….”

“Kitty, did you leave anything in the store?” Matt jerked his head toward the packages piled on the table.

“Not much.”

“Yeah, I see. What’s your name, son?”’ Matt looked at Joe.

“Joseph Goode, sir.” The boy put out his hand for Matt to shake. “But my daddy calls me Joe. Pleased to meet you, Mister Dillon.”

“Joe’s Chester’s boy, Matt. You didn’t tell me how old you are, Joe.”

“Goin’ on nine, Miss Kitty.”

“Has it really been that long, Chester?” Kitty remembered very well how long it had been since Chester had left Dodge. He must have met Joe’s mother soon after, if he was nine. Strange that she wasn’t there. The Chester she knew would have been introducing her proudly right along with Joe.

 

Chester sat back, finally full after two bowls of Delmonico’s catfish stew, and looked around the table at his old friends. It sure was nice of that young feller, Newly, who was going to be the acting Marshal, to keep an eye on things at the jail so Mister Dillon could eat his supper along with the rest of them. Old Doc was just as cantankerous as he remembered, maybe even more, except for when he was talking to Miss Kitty. He and Mister Dillon fussed over her so much, making sure she was comfortable and had enough to eat, that he wondered if she’d been sick. He’d never seen Mister Dillon act so protective over her, unless someone was giving her a bad time. She looked healthy enough to him. But he guessed now that they were married, Mister Dillon wasn’t gonna hide the way he felt about her no more. And there he was, practically waiting on her the same as Chester had waited on his Josie when-- Oh, my gracious! Was Miss Kitty-- Chester sneaked a couple of looks at her figure when she wasn’t looking. Come to think of it, she did look just a little bit like she could be expectin’. He remembered Kitty telling him they had gotten married last month and he felt his face flame with embarrassment for what he was thinking. Just like a gossipy old woman, no better than that fool who was shootin’ off his mouth earlier in the Long Branch. Chester felt right proud of himself when he realized just who Nathan Burke had been insultin’. But what in the world had Miss Hannah meant about Miss Kitty saving Burke’s life?

 

 

_You can look all over Kansas, in every Kansas town_   
_You’ll not find another pair like her eyes of brown_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics above were sung by Chester in some of the Gunsmoke episodes; however, I have been unable to find any information about the song.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

“Matt, something’s been worrying me.” Kitty turned away from the breakfast she was preparing to look at Matt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked sharply, hastily setting down his coffee cup and getting up to stand next to her.

“Relax, Matt. It’s Chester I’m worried about. And Joe. But since you’re up, how about setting the table? They’ll be here any time.”

“Honey, you don’t need to worry about Chester. I told you last night; the stable is plenty warm to sleep in with all the horses in there.” Matt pulled out drawers looking for the silverware.

“It’s in the right drawer. Chester’s back in town with a nine year old boy and not one word about where his mother is. Doesn’t that concern you?” Kitty moved the platter of bacon over to the warmer and opened the oven door for the pan of biscuits.

“No, but if you think there’s something suspicious about it Newly is who you should be talking to. I’m getting out of the law business, remember?”

“Oh, would you be serious? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t wonder about Chester’s wife?”

“No, I didn’t. It’s not any of my business. Yours, either. If he wants us to know anything about her he’ll tell us.”

“Well, I think I hear them now, so maybe the subject will come up during breakfast.”

“Now, Kitty….” Matt warned as Kitty waved him toward the door.

 

The subject did not come up at breakfast, despite some rather broad hints on Kitty’s part. Chester talked about working his way to Colorado after he left Dodge, taking farming, ranching and even a couple of deputy jobs, and about how he and Joe had been drifting the last couple of years, mostly working odd jobs while they looked for a place to settle. Chester sidestepped every one of Kitty’s leading questions until she finally gave up and Matt changed the subject, hoping to steer the conversation away from what he considered Chester’s private business.

“How long were you planning to stay in Dodge, Chester? I hope you and Joe can stick around long enough to do some hunting with me once my retirement starts.”

“Well, now, that depends. I mean, sure we can stay long enough to do some huntin’. But I’ll be lookin’ for work, so, you know, we’ll be movin’ on if I don’t find any here.” Chester’s attention was focused on his plate as he ate his third helping of breakfast, covered with that speckledy gravy Miss Kitty made especially for him. He didn’t catch the look Matt and Kitty shared when his last words gave them the same idea. _The farm._

“How about some more coffee, Chester? Matt?” Kitty asked, after Joe asked if he could be excused to go play with Pumpkin, who’d been attacking their feet all through breakfast.

“Thanks, Kitty.” Matt held out his cup. Chester, who thought Miss Kitty’s coffee was still a mite weak even after all these years, took another cup to be polite and sat back, deep in thought. Any fool could see she was curious, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her about Josie. Leaving her and the baby in Colorado was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, and he didn’t want to talk to Miss Kitty about it, especially now. It would just upset her. He knew her well enough to know she probably wasn’t going to let it go, though, and made up his mind to tell Mister Dillon about it. He’d let him decide if she oughta be told.

 

_...to me you're as fair as you were, Maggie, when you and I were young…_

“When You and I Were Young, Maggie”  
Music by James Butterfield  
Lyrics by George Johnson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kitty sang a version of the song above in the season four episode “Sky” when Chester taught her to play the guitar.
> 
> I apologize for the brief chapter, but that’s all I was able to get past my writer’s block in order to move from where I left off to the rest of the story.


	25. Chapter 25

_People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of_   
_Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove_   
_Speak in terms of a life and the living_

“In The Shape Of A Heart” Written and sung by Jackson Browne

 

 

Chapter Twenty Five

Matt paced restlessly between the kitchen and the sitting room while Kitty washed the dishes from supper. This was so unlike him that Kitty finally stopped to ask if he was planning to help her, hoping for an opportunity to encourage him to talk about whatever he’d spent the whole day not saying.

“Do you _want_ me to help you?” Matt asked, looking at the dishes like they were the last thing he was interested in.

“I don’t need any help, Matt, but you’re kind of acting like you’re looking for something to do.”

“Oh, I was thinking I’d go see if Doc was home, maybe play a little checkers with him.”

“You don’t want to spend any more time with your wife?” she teased.

“It’s not that, Kitty. But I hardly see Doc anymore. I thought maybe he might be getting a little lonely.”

Kitty laughed. “Doc is welcome over here any time, Matt.”

“Well, sure he is. I think maybe he just doesn’t want to intrude since you convinced him to stop worrying over you so much.”

“If you think I got him to stop worrying...well, all I did was get him to stop fussing about it. Go on over there, Matt. Just make sure he knows I’d love to see him over here anytime he wants. I kind of miss him, too.”

“You sure you don’t mind me leaving you alone tonight?” He stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders, remembering he’d promised “no more nights alone.”

“I’ll be fine. You won’t be out too late, will you?”

“No, I’m just going to go and play a couple games of checkers with him. I’ll be back in plenty of time to tuck you into bed.”

They kissed goodbye and Kitty returned to the dishes. She hadn’t really wanted Matt to go out; though she wouldn’t admit it to anyone, now that Matt was around more she felt more anxious, maybe even a little scared, whenever he wasn’t there, especially in the evenings. She’d sent him to Doc’s anyway, not for Doc’s sake but for his. He’d been jumpy for days, ever since he came back from the hunting trip with Chester and Joe, and wouldn’t talk to her about whatever it was. Kitty suspected her big, tough ex-lawman of a husband was in need of some fatherly advice and she hoped he’d open up to Doc about whatever might be bothering him.

 

* * *

 

 Doc jumped the last of Matt’s pieces and cleared the board. “I don’t know what you came up here for, but it wasn’t to play checkers.”

“Huh?” Matt was staring intently at the checkerboard as if still planning his next move.

“I’ve won every game since you got here and you’ve barely noticed. What’s wrong? You in the doghouse already?”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s pretty obvious something’s bothering you.” Doc gathered up the board and pieces and put them away, then retrieved a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from the cabinet. He poured each of them a drink and sat down at his desk. “Well, then. Let’s hear it.”

“Well, it’s sort of a, a professional question.”

“You aren’t thinking of putting that badge back on, are you?” Doc glared at him.

“Not _my_ job, yours!”

“Go on.”

“I’ve been thinkin’, Doc. We’ve been worried about the baby all this time. I hadn’t really thought about...well, if something happens, I’ll get Kitty another baby somehow. As many as she wants. But I can’t lose _her_.”

Doc took a sip of his whiskey. “You’re wondering if Kitty could die.”

“Yeah, Doc. That’s what I’m wondering.”

He rubbed his hand across his mustache before answering. “You know I’ll do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“That isn’t much of an answer.”

“I know it isn’t, Matt. I wish I could guarantee you everything will be fine, but I can’t. The risks are a lot higher for her than for most first time mothers, considering her age and everything she’s been through. But, just because there’s a lot that could go wrong, doesn’t mean that it will. Now, Kitty knows what could happen and she’s choosing to hope for the best, and I think you should do the same.”

Matt looked down at his untouched drink and downed it on one swallow. Doc could have been talking about his entire life with Kitty. “I, uh, guess she’s had a lot of practice at that, hasn’t she? I can’t help worrying about her, Doc. It’s my job to keep her and the baby safe.”

“I understand how you feel, Matt, but most of this is out of your hands. Best thing you can do for both of them is see that Kitty takes care of herself. And pray.”

“Yeah. Let me ask you this, Doc. What happens if you’re out on the prairie somewhere when the time comes? Kitty isn’t your only patient, you know.” The look on Matt’s face told Doc he thought she should be.

“Newly’s delivered babies. If they send your replacement by then, one of us will always be in town.”

“Not good enough, Doc. I trust Newly, but I want Kitty to have a real doctor.”

“I know, Matt. We’re just going to have to trust that everything will work out all right.”

 

* * *

 

Kitty had gone to bed by the time he got home, but was sitting up in bed reading. She looked up, smiling, when he entered the room.

“Did you and Doc get it all worked out?” She marked the place in her book and set it on the bedside table while he undressed down to his long underwear.

“Lady, you know me too well.” Matt slid under the covers next to Kitty and reached past her to turn down the lamp.

“Want to tell me about it?” They snuggled together comfortably, his arms around her, hers resting on his shoulders.

“Kitty, aren’t you afraid?”

“Yes, sometimes. Most of the time I’m not. Most of the time I know everything’s going to be all right. I can _feel_ it. And I’m never afraid when you’re with me. Promise me I won’t have to go through it alone.”

“I promise.”

“Matt, it’s not like you to ask me a question like that. Are _you_ afraid?”

“I’m afraid for _you_.”

“Oh, Cowboy.” Kitty pulled his head down to hers and kissed him. She could only imagine what it took to get Matt to admit that much. “Is there something you and Doc aren’t telling me?”

“No, nothing like that! Well, in a way. Chester told me about his wife.”

“He did?” She looked up at him, concern in her eyes. “She died, didn’t she?” Matt nodded without saying anything.

“Oh, Matt, he must think I’m awful, bothering him about it like I did.”

“No, he doesn’t. He just didn’t want to upset you. ‘In your condition.’” Matt’s imitation of Chester was almost perfect and Kitty had to keep herself from laughing.

“Did he say what happened?” She had a feeling she was about to be sorry for asking, but she needed to know.

Matt nodded and pulled her even closer, putting one hand on her stomach protectively.

“Oh...I see.” She felt tears running down her cheeks. “The baby, too?”

“Yeah.”

“And that’s why you went to see Doc. Did it help?”

“Some. Kitty, I don’t know what I’d do without….I hope I don’t have to find out. I know you lived that way for twenty years and I’m sorry. I should have given you more than that. If you believe everything’s going to be all right I’ll just have to trust you.” After a time, Matt realized she hadn’t said anything and looked down at her.

“Kitty?” She lay still, cradled against his chest, eyes closed. “Good night, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head gently and then fell asleep listening to the sound of her soft, even breathing.


	26. Chapter 26

_William and Rose sit on the settee_   
_Wearing clothes from another day_   
_They sit close together, two halves of a whole_   
_Watching the grandchildren play_

_The lights of their memories, shine in their eyes_   
_As the young ones tumble free_   
_It's bitter and sweet as they recognize_   
_All the old songs 'round the tree_

_Love comes home for Christmas_   
_Love comes home again_   
_Love comes home for Christmas_   
_Every now and then_

_Little faces believing_   
_Make Rose start to rain_   
_And Willie takes her hand_

“William and Rose” Sung by Heart, written by Ann Wilson and Susan Ennis

 

Chapter Twenty Six

“Oh, Matt! It’s beautiful!” Matt had been out at the farm all day. He returned at suppertime driving a buckboard containing an enormous evergreen tree and a bulky covered object Kitty assumed was the mysterious “it” Matt, Chester and Joe kept mentioning when they didn’t know she was listening.

“It’s just a tree, Kitty. It won’t be beautiful until you’re done with it.”

“You mean until we’re done with it, Matt. I need your help; that tree’s at least a foot taller than I can reach.”

“Right _now_?”

“It’s Christmas Eve, Matt, how much longer should we wait to decorate it?” Kitty gave an exaggerated sigh. “But if you’re too busy, I guess I could drag that heavy chair over there across the room and climb on it and stretch out as far as I can to reach the other side…. I’m sure that will be fine with Doc.”

“Where do you want it?” Matt asked sheepishly. She had him place the tree in several different spots before finally deciding on the one Matt suspected she wanted all along.

Matt watched Kitty decorate the tree, placing glass ornaments, candles, and garlands of red ribbon, pointing to the out of reach spots she wanted Matt to decorate. Once the tree was decorated to her satisfaction and Matt placed the star on top, she went from window to window, lighting a candle in each one. She came back to the tree and began to sing softly as she lit the many candles on its branches.

_What child is this, who, laid to rest,_   
_On Mary’s lap is sleeping,_   
_Whom angels greet with anthems sweet_   
_While shepherds watch are keeping?_   
_This, this is Christ the King,_   
_Whom shepherds guard and angels sing;_   
_Haste, haste to bring Him laud,_   
_The babe, the son of Mary_

Matt joined her to light the candles she couldn’t reach. “That was real nice, Kitty.”

She leaned against Matt, wrapping her arms around his waist. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Matt? Our first Christmas tree.”

“That’s not true, Kitty. We had one at the Long Branch every year.”

“That was for everyone. Did--did you really think of them as our trees? You never told me that.”

“They were the only Christmas trees I ever had, Kitty.”

“I thought of them that way, too,” she said softly, burying her face against Matt’s chest.

“Aw, don’t do that, honey. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Here, why don’t you read that story you wanted to read to me earlier.” Matt reached for a book on the table next to the sofa, pulling Kitty with him as he sat down.

“You read it to me.”

Matt opened the brightly colored picture book and began. “‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” By the time he finished, rolling his eyes and adding his own comments throughout, Kitty was smiling again.

“There, Matt, we just started a family tradition. Maybe by the time the baby’s old enough to understand, you’ll be able to read it without making her think Santa is going to get himself shot sneaking into people’s houses.”

“Well, he _should_ know better in this part of the country!”

“It would have been nice for Chester and Joe to come tonight so we could have a child in the house on Christmas Eve.”

“I like having you to myself. And next year we’ll have the baby.”

A little while later, they blew the candles out on their way to bed. Matt told Kitty to sleep as late as she wanted to the next morning; he was going to bring her breakfast in bed.

“Am I going to get beans and jerky?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I think I can do better than that.”

When she was nearly asleep she felt him move to get out of bed. “Matt?” she asked sleepily, opening one eye a crack.

“I’m just going to sit up for a while and try to catch Santa Claus. Go back to sleep.” She closed her eyes and when she heard the back door open and close, she pushed back the covers and slipped out of bed. She reached under the bed for the large wrapped box that contained Matt’s new pair of boots and had placed it under the tree and was back in bed, covered and eyes closed, before she heard the back door open and close again and the sound of something large and heavy sliding on the sitting room floor. It was a good thing Matt was there to protect her from that outlaw Santa Claus, she decided as she waited for him to come back to bed.

 

Kitty woke up to the sound of dishes and pans in the kitchen and remembered Matt’s promise of breakfast. It was still mostly dark and she couldn’t remember the last time she woke up this early on Christmas morning, impatient to get out of bed. It must have been when she was a little girl, while her mother was still alive. It was daylight when Matt finally walked into the bedroom, carrying a tray with a plate of eggs and ham, sweet rolls, and two cups of coffee.

“One plate?” she questioned. “Which one of us gets to eat?”

“I thought we’d share.” Matt sat down on the edge of the bed. He scooped up a forkful of eggs and brought it to her mouth.

“You know, I’ve been feeding myself for a while now, Matt.” Kitty winked at him. “Or are you just practicing for later? Because I could throw some food if you want me to, just to make the experience authentic.”

“Just eat your breakfast, smart aleck. Doc reminded me that I’m supposed to be making sure you eat enough, so I’m just doing my husbandly duty.” He broke off a piece of sweet roll for her.

“Did Doc tell you he wants me to stay away from those?”

“It’s Christmas. Doc doesn’t need to know.”

Kitty gave him a pointed look. _Speaking of husbandly duties and things Doc doesn’t need to know…._

“I know, Kitty. It’s not easy for me, either.” He pulled her close to him and took a few bites of the ham and eggs, then offered her another bite. She glared at him and turned away. “This isn’t up for debate, Kitty! I don’t want to treat you like a child, but you’re acting like one. The baby needs to eat, even if you’re mad at me!” He spoke more sharply to her than he’d intended to and she looked at him in surprise. He seldom got angry with her, even when they argued. “Come on, honey,” he said softly. “I don’t want to fight on Christmas Day.”

“I don’t, either.” She blinked back tears and reached for the fork. “If you let me feed myself, I’ll eat.”

 

After breakfast, Matt was so impatient for Kitty to go to the sitting room to see what Santa Claus brought her, he lifted her out of bed and carried her out there.

“I declare, Matt, you’re going to have me so spoiled by the time the baby comes I won’t remember how to do anything for myself!” she told him as he settled her on the sofa. Her present was next to the Christmas tree, covered with a quilt, and she waited patiently while he pushed it over to her. He pulled the quilt away to reveal a cradle, with a blue ribbon around it, clumsily tied in a bow. “I love it!” she sighed. “But how did you--when did you have the time?”

“I’ve been working on it since we got back from our honeymoon.” She remembered the conversation they had in the buggy on the way home, when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas. “You don’t need to get me anything, Matt. I have everything I could possibly want now.” He insisted that he knew better than that and kept asking until she finally told him he could get something for the baby.

She leaned toward it for a better look and gasped in surprise.

“Kitty? Something wrong?”

“No….” She smiled and took Matt’s hand, pressing it against her stomach. He jumped a little when he felt a tiny movement against his hand.

“Kitty, is that…”

“That’s your baby, Cowboy,” she whispered, turning to put her arms around his neck. “She’s telling you Merry Christmas.”


	27. Chapter 27

_Alone in this place with a lifetime to trace_   
_And a heartbeat that tells me it's so_   
_I've got these tears from a long time ago_   
_These are tears from a long time ago_   
_And I need to cry 30 years or so_   
_These are tears from a long time ago_

“Thirty Years of Tears” Written and sung by John Hiatt

 

 

Chapter Twenty Seven

Three Months Later

 

March 30

 

Kitty was having a late breakfast at Del Monico’s with Doc when it started. In the middle of their discussion about today’s overcooked food and weak coffee as compared to the underdone food and burnt coffee of the day before, the painless twinges she’d been having off and on since she got up that morning suddenly gave way to one that was actually painful. Something in her voice must have alerted Doc and he immediately asked her what was wrong.

“Oh, my back’s been bothering me a little, Doc.”

“Your back? Well, why in thunder didn’t you say something? Just how long has this been going on?”

“Well…” Kitty suddenly felt a little foolish not to have realized what was probably happening. “Just this morning. And this is the first one that hurt.”

“All right, young lady, breakfast is over.” Doc stood and laid some coins on the table and helped her out of her chair. “We’re just going on up to my office and see if we can figure out what the problem is,” he said soothingly.

“I know what you think the problem is, Doc. But I’ve got three weeks yet.”

“Well, it just might be that the baby doesn’t know that. It’ll be all right, honey. Come on, now.” Doc had a hard time not hurrying Kitty down the street, he was so anxious to have her safely in his office. They were nearly to his stairs when they heard the jingling of spurs on the boardwalk behind them and Festus’ voice calling out a greeting.

“Mornin’ Doc, Miss Kitty! Plumb purty day, ain’t it?”

“Oh, Festus!” Doc turned around. “Say, am I glad to see you!” Festus raised one eyebrow and squinted in his direction skeptically.

“Morning, Festus,” Kitty said unenthusiastically. While she was in no hurry to start climbing the stairs, she was also in no mood to stand there while Doc and Festus got into one of their usual verbal sparring matches.

Festus, noticing Kitty’s pained expression, Doc’s supporting arm around her shoulders, and the fact that they were heading for his office, suddenly realized there might be a problem. “Ya feelin’ poorly are ya, Miss Kitty?”

“That’s just what I wanted to talk to you about,” Doc answered for her. “Would you ride out to the farm and get Matt back here as quick as you can?”

“Shore thing, Doc! Baby comin’, is it?”

“Well, I don’t know about that, and the whole town doesn’t need to know, either, but I think Matt ought to be here just in case.”

“I’ll do it, Doc. Ya want me to carry ya up ol’ Doc’s steps first, Miss Kitty?”

“Would you just go get Matt and let me worry about getting Kitty up the stairs?” Doc barked at Festus.

“Now, wait a minute, Doc,” Kitty said, gasping. “Festus, that would be real nice. I don’t think I can make it up there on my own.” Festus lifted her up as if she weighed nothing at all and began carrying her upstairs, with Doc following behind them berating Festus for his part in causing Kitty to stand there in pain while the two of them argued.

“Oh, you ol’ quackety quack quack…” Festus began, before Kitty cut him off.

“Would both of you please stop? I just don’t feel like hearing it right now,” she said wearily, resting her head on Festus’ shoulder.

“You betcha, Miss Kitty,” Festus said agreeably, not feeling chastised in the slightest. He reached the top of the stairs and stood back for Doc to open the door.

Doc motioned to the examination table in the front of the office. “Just lie her down there. Take it easy, now, she isn’t a sack of potatoes.” Doc growled as Festus lowered her carefully to the table.

“It’s fine, Doc, I’m not a crystal vase, either. Thank you, Festus.”

“Wadn’t nothin’ atall, Miss Kitty. Now you just rest easy and I’ll be back with ol’ Matthew ‘fore you can say rat-run-over-the-roof-with-a-piece-of-raw-liver-in-his-mouth.”

“Festus.” Kitty grabbed the front of his shirt before he could walk away from her and pulled, forcing him to lean over her with his ear close to her mouth. “I appreciate you bringing me up here and going after Matt for me, but, just so you know...I’m never, ever going to say that.”

Doc chortled with glee. “Oh, she got you good this time!”

“Oh, fiddle!” Festus glared at Doc, then looked down at Kitty and patted her shoulder gently. “I’ll bring Matthew back here directly.” As he passed Doc on his way out he muttered, “Quackety quack quack….”

 

* * *

 

 “Young lady, what in thunder are you doing out of that bed?” Kitty was standing at the window when Doc came through the door. She turned and walked unsteadily to the wardrobe.

“What did you do with my shoes, Doc? I need to go find Matt.”

“You aren’t going anywhere, Kitty. Good heavens, you might be in labor. You’re going to get right back into bed and get some rest while we wait for Matt to get here.”

“He should have been here by now, Doc. How long does it take to--” She was interrupted by another contraction. Doc put his arm around her and she grabbed his shoulders, gasping. “Something’s happened, Doc, I know it has. He must have had an accident, or maybe he’s been shot. These are getting worse, Doc. I think maybe it _is_ going to be today.”

The contraction passed and Doc gently led her back to the bed. “All the more reason for you to lie back down here and wait. Now, if he’s been hurt, which I doubt very much, Festus will bring him in and then I’ll have two patients to deal with. Maybe if a certain stubborn mama had told him about her twinges this morning he would have stayed home.”

“I need him here, Doc. I...can’t do this without him.”

“I know, honey. I’ll tell you what. If I go and see if anyone’s heard from them, do you promise to stay in bed while I’m gone?”

“I won’t leave this room, Doc.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“All right. I won’t get out of bed. But please hurry back. _With_ my husband.”

When Doc’s office door closed behind him, Kitty suddenly felt alone and abandoned, even though she’d practically driven him away to go find Matt. The pains were getting stronger and coming closer together and she wanted someone; Matt, Doc, it didn’t matter much who it was right then, even Festus, to sit next to her and hold her hand. This wasn’t going at all like she’d imagined it; home, in her own bed, with Matt close by and Bess, who knew more than anyone else in the world what it was like to have a baby, and Doc to help her through it.

“Little girl,” she said, gently stroking her abdomen, “if you could have just waited a week your Auntie Bess would be with us right now.”

She closed her eyes and tried to relax, maybe even sleep, until Doc came back with Matt, but suddenly all she could think of was the last time she’d been in this bed, more than two years before. In pain and barely hanging onto life at times, images of the horrors she’d just endured kept returning to her mind, even with Matt and, later, Doc, there to protect her. The memories came to her again, unbidden, and she struggled to breathe. “No!” she snapped. “Take your hands off of me!” This couldn’t be happening again. She couldn’t move, she was drowning, and they wouldn’t stop hurting her. She tore at the covers in a panic, desperate to free herself. She had to get away from the Dog Soldiers before they killed her.


	28. Chapter 28

_I swear_   
_By the moon and the stars in the sky_   
_I'll be there_   
_I swear_   
_Like a shadow that's by your side_   
_I'll be there_   
_For better or worse_   
_Till death do us part_   
_I'll love you with every beat of my heart_   
_I swear_

“I Swear”  
Sung by John Michael Montgomery, written by Frank Joseph Myers and Gary B. Baker

 

 

Chapter Twenty Eight

Doc made his way down the stairs. It wasn’t taking as long for Matt to get there as Kitty seemed to think, but just to set her mind at ease, if Doc didn’t see him riding his horse into town when he got down to the street, he was going to find another man to ride out to the farm in case something was wrong. Fortunately, he saw Matt and Festus in the distance, galloping into town. As they got closer he waved his hat and called to them before they could turn toward the stable. They slowed as they got to Doc’s office, Matt swinging himself off Buck while he was still moving. “What happened? Is she all right?”

Doc spoke to Festus first. “Can you get over to the Long Branch and see if Hannah or one of the girls can go over to the house and get some of Kitty’s things for her? They’ll know what she needs.”

Festus took the key Doc handed him. “Shore thing, Doc. Matthew, I’ll put your horse up when I get back.”

“Is the baby coming, Doc? How is she?” Matt was already heading for the office.

“It’s starting to look that way. She’s been awful worried about you.”

“ _Me?_ Why?” Matt turned to look at him at the foot of the stairs.

Doc chuckled. “Well, she’s nervous and impatient and she thought it was taking too long--” He was interrupted by the sound of screams coming from his office.

“Matt! Matt!”

Matt responded to Kitty’s anguished cries by taking the stairs two and three at a time and throwing the office door open with such force the window shattered. At the doorway of the bedroom he stopped, blocking Doc’s view of the room.

“Oh, my God, Kitty,” he whispered.

Kitty cowered in the opposite corner of the room, gasping for breath. She clutched at her throat desperately, and Matt could see deep red scratches running down both sides of her neck to her collarbone. He was nearly at her side when she cried out for him again. “I’m here, Kitty.” He crouched next to her and put a hand tentatively on her arm. She knocked it away.

“Leave me alone, you filthy pigs!” Her voice was low, almost a growl. She looked up at Matt and he could see the terror and lack of recognition in her eyes.

Doc knelt on the other side of her. “Kitty, it’s Doc. You’re having a nightmare. Come on and wake up now, before you hurt yourself.”

Kitty began to cry out again, wrapping her arms around her middle and moaning, “No, no, stay away from me.” Resisting his impulse to pull her into his arms, Matt spoke to her gently.

“Kitty? It’s me, honey. I’m right here. You’re at Doc’s and you’re safe.” He repeated the words as Kitty looked around the room with unseeing eyes. “I’m just going to hold your hand now.” He slowly lifted one of her hands in his and she startled a little but didn’t pull away.

“Matt,” she murmured. “Matt, where are you?” She could hear him, but he must not have found her yet because the Dog Soldiers were still hurting her. She felt someone take her hand and panicked for a moment, then relaxed when she recognized Matt’s touch. She tried to concentrate on the hand and the voice and not the pain. From some place she couldn’t see, Matt kept telling her that she was safe, that he and Doc were with her, that no one was going to hurt her any more. She heard him say he was going to take her away from the Dog Soldiers, and she turned toward the voice eagerly.

When Matt lifted Kitty from the floor to take her to Doc’s bed, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Matt, Matt,” she whispered in relief. As he got her settled onto the bed, their eyes met and he could see she was starting to come back. Just then her fingers dug into his shoulders and she looked at him with bewilderment. “They’re hurting me, Matt.”

“Doc?” Matt looked at him helplessly.

Doc sat on the other side of the bed and took Kitty’s hand. “Kitty, those pains you keep having...they’re from your baby getting ready to come into the world.”

“My baby?” she asked flatly. “My baby.” She looked at Matt and Doc in horror, and then looked away from them both. “Oh, my God, no, no!” she cried hopelessly.

Matt sat stunned for a moment, thinking she no longer wanted his baby, then the realization hit him. _Dear God, she didn’t think…._ He could see her slipping back away from him. “Kitty, honey, look at me,” he said, fighting to stay calm. “If you can’t look at me, at least listen. That’s _our_ baby you’re about to have. _My_ baby. Did you hear me? It’s _my_ baby. The--the Dog Soldiers were a long time ago. Too long ago to have anything to do with our baby.” When she didn’t respond, he put his hand to her cheek, gently turning her face his direction, and waited until she looked up at him before speaking again. “Do you trust me, Kitty?” She nodded slowly, not taking her eyes away from him. “You’re my wife. We got married last year. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” she answered, but he didn’t think she really remembered. He reached for her left hand and lifted it for her to see.

“Remember this? Your wedding ring?”

Kitty looked at the ring, tracing over it gently with the fingers of her other hand. A smile came to her face and he could see that she did remember. “Your mother’s ring.” Another contraction started and she continued talking through it, gasping for breath between words. “You gave it to me...after I told you...about the baby...but you were...already...gonna ask me anyway.”

“Welcome back, honey.” Matt stroked her back as Kitty leaned against his chest through the rest of the contraction. It ended and she pulled away, looking at him.

“And you were going to get a new suit, but it was just like your old one,” she continued.

“Oh, now, you didn’t have to go bringin’ that up,” Matt chuckled and kissed her forehead lightly.

Kitty started to weep softly as she realized the significance of everything that happened since Doc left to look for Matt. “Oh, Matt, I thought it was actually happening again. And how could I have forgotten our wedding and your baby?”

“It’s all right, Kitty.” He held her hand in both of his and kissed it gently.

“I’m sorry, Doc.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Doc replied gruffly. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’d have never left you alone if I thought that would happen.”

“But--but I promised to stay in bed!”

“You know, I forgot all about that until you reminded me just now. I must be getting as senile as Festus thinks I am.”

Kitty laughed in spite of her tears. Her hand tightened on Matt’s. “I’m sorry, Kitty,” he said. _Sorry for causing you all this pain._

“It’s not so bad, Cowboy.” She smiled, but couldn’t keep the truth from her eyes. _It hurts so much, Matt. Please don’t leave me._

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay right here as long as you need me.” Doc looked up from cleaning the scratches on Kitty’s neck. “I’m not leaving her, Doc. Not now.” Two pairs of blue eyes dared him to argue.

He gave a quick shake of his head. “No, sir, I’m not gonna say one word. Be a complete waste of my time, and I’ve got more important things to do. On one condition. If she changes her mind and wants you to leave, you go.”

Kitty shuddered through another pain, clinging to Matt. “I won’t want him to leave.”

“We’ll see,” Doc chuckled.

“I see you found yourself a nurse, Doc,” said a woman’s voice from the doorway.

“Kitty, we sent Hannah over to the house to get some of your things. I’m gonna step out now and talk to her while you change into one of your nightgowns.” Doc handed Matt the bag and closed the door behind them as they walked into the outer room. “You ever deliver a baby, Hannah?”

“I’ve helped with my share.”

“Well, I can use the help, if the Long Branch can spare you. He’s there to hold her hand until she throws him out; I don’t expect him to be much of an assistant otherwise.”

“Doc, from everything you’ve told me about the two of them, I wouldn’t count on getting him out of there if I were you.” Hannah shook her head.

“No, I suppose not. But it’s gonna be awful hard for him, seeing her like that. It isn’t something he can fix by taking off after some outlaw.” Doc tugged at his ear and swiped a hand across his mustache. Turning to his supply cabinet, he and Hannah started gathering what they needed.

Once Kitty was changed into her nightgown Hannah helped her take her hair down and brushed and braided it for her. Matt helped her lie down on her side and sat on the edge of the bed where she could see him, and the waiting began. As afternoon turned into evening the pain became more intense and Kitty clung to Matt, crying. Gradually she began to lose awareness of anything but the pain and Matt’s presence next to her, holding her hand, stroking her hair and whispering how much he loved and needed her. Part of the time she knew she was having a baby; at other times she was fighting for her life after her ordeal with the Dog Soldiers, but she knew Matt was with her and she wasn’t afraid. Sometimes she heard Doc and Hannah talking to each other or Matt, but nothing they said registered as she focused on Matt’s hand holding hers, wiping her forehead with a cool cloth, giving her sips of water, helping her change position. Finally, when light was just beginning to come through the window the next morning, she realized Doc was talking to her.

“Kitty,” he said, taking her other hand, “the baby is going to be here soon. I need you to push as hard as you can with the next pain, all right?”

Kitty looked at Doc, confused. “I’m having a baby?”

“Well, yes, you’re having a baby, that’s what we’re all doing here. Honey, did you forget again?” Doc and Matt exchanged worried looks as Doc touched a hand to her forehead and looked at her eyes.

“Yeah. No. No, I remember.”

“She’s got some fever, but I think she’ll be all right once the baby gets here and she’s not in so much pain.” Doc said to Matt quietly. “I don’t think it will be too much longer.”

Kitty reached up and pulled weakly at the front of Matt’s shirt. He leaned closer, eyes full of concern. “What do you need, honey?”

“I--I want my mother!” A sob broke loose as she said this and she buried her face against Matt’s chest. Matt’s heart broke for her. Never, in all the time they’d known each other, even when she was near death, had she asked for her mother.

“I know, sweetheart. I’d get her for you if I could,” he said, helplessly. _And mine, too._

“Will I do?” Hannah asked, approaching the opposite side of the bed.

“Uh, huh,” Kitty nodded against Matt’s shirt. Hannah reached across the bed and gathered Kitty into her arms, cradling her head against her shoulder.

“I know, honey. It won’t be long now.” Hannah patted Kitty’s back gently as she cried, then began to moan as another contraction started. “Not just yet, Doc. Let her start pushing with the next one.”

Breathing deeply as the contraction ended, Kitty looked up at Hannah. “You ever have a baby?”

“Yes, I have,” she answered, without further explanation. “I wanted my mother, too.”

“Kitty?” Matt asked a little uncertainly. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No, I just….” Their eyes met and she reached for his hand. _Sometimes a woman can handle women better than a man can._ He nodded. _I remember, Kitty._

“You’ve got a good man, there, Kitty, even if he doesn’t know how it feels,” Hannah said. “Stay right where you are, Matt. We’re going to help her sit up a little through this part.” They supported her back as she pushed through several contractions, her cries becoming louder each time. Finally Doc announced, “Here she is!”

“A girl? Is it over?” Kitty asked, falling back in exhaustion.

“Yeah, it’s over, Kitty. You did it.” Matt stroked the hair away from her face and looked at her proudly.

“It’s a girl,” Doc said, then, “Hannah, I need you over here.” Hannah joined Doc at the bureau, where Doc had set up his supplies. They talked too quietly for Matt and Kitty to understand what they were saying. Matt watched worriedly, but they were blocking his view of the baby. Kitty struggled to sit up, finally realizing something wasn’t right.

“Doc,” she asked. “Why isn’t she crying?”


	29. Chapter 29

_I never thought through love we'd be_   
_Making one as lovely as she_   
_But isn't she lovely made from love_

“Isn’t She Lovely” Written and sung by Stevie Wonder

 

Chapter Twenty Nine

 

Doc and Hannah bent over the baby and said nothing. Kitty pulled herself up to Matt with the strength she had left and he wrapped his arms around her gently. “Matt?”

“Doc!” Matt said urgently. “Kitty asked you a question.” Then, more gently. “It’s all right, Kitty.”

“Sometimes they just need a little help getting started.” Hannah answered for Doc, handing him something.

Finally Kitty heard the sound she was waiting for and started crying herself.

Doc cleared his throat and ran a hand over his mustache. “She’s gonna be just fine, Kitty. A little small, but she’ll grow.” Once Hannah had the baby swaddled in a blanket the wailing subsided and she handed her to Doc. “By golly, aren’t you a pretty little thing,” he said, looking at her with tears in his eyes.

“Doc, give me my baby!” Kitty said impatiently. Doc walked to the bed without taking his eyes off the baby he considered his grandchild.

“Kitty, Matt, you have a beautiful daughter,” he said, placing the baby in Kitty’s waiting arms. Kitty cradled her newborn daughter, crying softly.

“I can’t believe she’s finally here! Oh, Matt, just look at her, she’s--” She was too overcome with emotion to say any more.

“She’s just as beautiful as her mama,” Matt continued for her, not noticing the tears coming from his own eyes.

“Well, I think she’s gonna have your hair.” Kitty sniffled, stroking the dark waves. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a newborn with this much hair.” As Kitty looked into her daughter’s face, the baby’s eyes opened and met her mother’s. _Hello, Mama, are you going to let my Daddy hold me?_ “Matt? Did she just--”

“Yeah, Kitty, I saw it, too.”

“Here, Cowboy, you heard the lady.” Kitty turned and held the baby out to him, and Matt felt a moment of panic.

“I don’t know, Kitty, what if I drop her or something?”

“You won’t drop her. Come on, she wants to meet you. She already knows me.” Kitty smiled at him encouragingly. Matt held his hands out and she gently placed the baby into them. He stared down at the tiny creature who barely filled his two hands. She was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen, unless it was the look of love and pride in her mother's eyes when she presented their child to him for the first time. He wanted to tell Kitty this, but couldn't seem to find the words. He looked at her, dumbfounded.

"Kitty, I...you...." He looked back down at his daughter. "She's ours," he said finally, shaking his head in wonder.  
.  
"I know, Matt. I feel the same way.” Kitty watched as Matt and the baby studied each other intently. One arm managed to work its way free from the blanket and a hand shot into the air, surprising all three of them. Matt reached out and four tiny fingers instinctively curled around one large one.

“You’ve got a pretty good grip for a little girl,” Matt said with a note of pride in his voice. “You’ll be handling that shotgun as good as your mama before we know it.”

Kitty cleared her throat. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. How about if we get her walking first?” She put an arm around Matt’s waist and leaned against his shoulder. _Someday is finally here, she thought_ , sighing contentedly. _Our someday._

That afternoon, Doc tapped on the doorway of the bedroom. “There are four very anxious uncles and a cousin waiting to meet this young lady, if that’s all right with her parents.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Doc. I think she’s a little young for gentleman callers, don’t you, Kitty?” Matt grinned at his wife, who, at the moment was tired, cranky, and not nearly as amused as he expected her to be.

“If you have your way, Matt, she probably won’t have any until she’s my age and you’ll never have any grandchildren.” Kitty frowned, and then smiled, relenting, when she finally realized he was joking. “Go ahead, let them see her.” Matt lifted the baby, awake but content after her first feeding, from Kitty’s arms, and carried her to the outer room of the office, where Festus, Newly, Louie, Chester and Joe all waited to meet the newest resident of Dodge City.

“Wal, if she ain’t a pearl button bangle billy, I don’t know whut is!” Festus exclaimed, only to be shushed by Chester.

“Be quiet, Festus, you’re gonna scare her ‘n make her cry. You don’t wanna upset Miss Kitty now do ya?”

“Aw, hush up, Chester, an’ quit bein’ so blame ignernt. I knows a heap more about younguns then you do!”

“Well, look who’s a-callin’ who ignorant! I’ve had more babies ‘n you have!”

“Oh, foot! You ain’t a-fixin’ to tell me you had any babies your ownself! Everbody knows it’s the ma thet has the younguns, ya ninny!”

Doc closed the bedroom door. “I think we’ve heard about enough of that conversation, don’t you?” he asked Kitty, coming over to the chair next to the bed. “And now it’s time for you to get some rest, young lady. I’m just going to stay here with you because, well, I just don’t think you ought to be alone for a while.”

Kitty reached for his hand. “Doc, I didn’t thank you before. I couldn’t have--”

“Oh, pshaw! You’re the one who did all the work. Being the first one to see that little girl come into the world is thanks enough. I’ve waited a long time for this day. An awful long time. We all have.” Doc patted her hand. “I want to tell you something. That man out there is as proud a father as I’ve ever seen. Proud of the baby, and proud of you, too.”

“Oh, Doc!” Kitty sniffled and pulled the sheet up to wipe her eyes. “Am I ever going to quit crying about everything?”

“You will, honey. You will.”

 

* * *

 

Matt stood at the window, holding his child and telling her all about Dodge City. Unimpressed, her eyes drooped closed and she fell asleep. Lost in thought, he stood awhile longer in the quiet of the room before gently laying the baby down in the cradle he’d brought from home earlier. He looked over at his sleeping wife, who, he realized, was not only awake but crying softly. He went to her side immediately and sat on the bed next to her.

“Kitty, what is it? Do you need me to get Doc?”

“No.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. “You’re gonna be a good father, Matt.”

“Well, that’s nothing to cry about, is it?” Kitty shook her head. “Wanna tell me about it?”

“I was just thinking,” she drew a long breath and let it out, “about her sisters.”

“Her sis--oh. I know, Kitty.” Hearing Kitty speak of her lost babies as the sisters of the child they had just brought into the world, Matt finally understood that to her they were more than just children she never had; they were every bit as real as the daughter she had just given birth to.

“Am I being selfish? Shouldn’t she be enough?”

“You aren’t selfish. You’re the least selfish person I know.”

“I know I couldn’t have kept the other three, but...I’m sorry our first one didn’t live, Matt.”

“Sshh...you don’t have to apologize for that. It just ...happened. I know I didn’t think I wanted any babies back then, but I’m sorry, too. And I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.”

Kitty gave one last small sob and wiped her eyes again. She sat up, reaching for his hand. “It’s all right, Matt. We were both young and stupid and didn’t know what we wanted from each other, anyway. Maybe she’s God’s way of evening things out.”

“‘She’ needs a name, Kitty.”

“Matt, if it’s all right with you, I thought we could name her after my mother.” Kitty looked at him hopefully. “And your mother?”

“I think that’s a fine idea, honey. I can’t think of anything I'd rather call her.”


	30. Chapter 30

Epilogue

 

Two Months Later

Kitty drove the buggy down Front Street, a smile on her face as she looked around at Dodge City’s main business district. It had been two weeks since Matt moved them out to the farm and many months since she’d been allowed to drive herself and, though content with her new life, she was glad for the chance to regain some of her independence. Passing her former saloon with barely a glance, she looked in that direction when she heard a male voice shouting her name.

“Kitty Russell! Hold up, there, Miss Kitty!” A stocky grey-haired man in a US Cavalry sergeant’s uniform was flagging her down. Resignedly, she slowed her horse and turned into the alley next to Doc’s office. This should be an interesting conversation, to say the least.

“Sergeant Holly. What are you doing back in Dodge?”

“Why, come to see my blushing bride, of course,” Sergeant Holly said jovially as he tipped his hat and winked at her. “Of course, that’s before I found out there was a new Madame Long Branch.”

“So you’ve, uh, been over there already, have you?” Kitty stood to exit the buggy and Holly helped her down, releasing her and stepping back once she was safely on the ground.

“Been over there? Why, I nearly died of fright before I figured out that prune-faced old crone wasn’t you.” Holly gave an exaggerated shiver. “Almost enough to put me off drinkin’.”

“Oh, Holly! You’re still impossible!” Kitty shook her head with an exasperated sigh.

“Well, now, since you’re retired from the saloon business, does that mean old Holly can come courtin’ you proper?” He looked at her with the same pleading look on his face that had convinced her to loan him money to follow the payroll-stealing Jeeter to Blister Canyon.

“I’m afraid you’re too late for that, Sergeant Holly.” The man never gave up; though after nearly five years’ absence from Dodge, it was hard to believe he meant a word of it.

“Don’t tell me Big Fist went and stole my girl again! Say, is he in town? I got something of an official nature to talk with him about.”

“Well, Matt retired a few months ago, but I’m sure Marshal O’Brien would be glad--”

“Well, if that don’t frost my chevrons! Big Fist retired, you’re retired...the two of you going into business together?”

“You might say that. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” Kitty turned and reached into a deep basket on the floor of the buggy. Whatever Holly had been expecting, the infant in her arms when she turned back around certainly wasn’t it.

“Well, isn’t he a cute little dickens. Junior Big Fist. He looks just like his papa.”

“She’s a _girl_!” Kitty gasped with mock indignation. “Sergeant Holly, this is Miss Madeleine Rebecca Dillon, and her father says she looks just like me. Maddy, say hello to mama’s old friend, Sergeant Emmett Holly.” Holly reached out and chucked little Madeleine under the chin, and she let out a shriek that made him jump back a foot.

“Well, Miss Long Branch, you do have a resemblance to your mama after all!”

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t call her that! There, there, Maddy.” Kitty had the baby on her shoulder, patting her back gently. “Don’t be afraid of him. He talks loud, but he’s just a big old softie.” Maddy wailed, grasping a handful of Kitty’s hair and pulling it toward her mouth. Holly watched, fascinated, as Kitty continued to soothe her. “Shh, Maddy, I know you’re hungry. We’ll take care of that as soon as we get up to Grandpa Doc’s.” She disentangled her hair from the baby’s grip and Maddy calmed down as she chewed on her own fist.

“Sergeant Holly, she needs changed and she’s overdue for a feeding, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to excuse us.” Kitty turned toward Doc’s office and Holly put a hand on her arm to stop her.  
“Kitty, I’ll be in town until tomorrow,” he said with almost no trace of his usual joking bluster. “Have your husband stop by the Long Branch tonight and I’ll buy the proud papa a drink.”

“We’ve already made plans for tonight, but I’ll let him know you offered.” She smiled, wondering if it was genuine disappointment she saw in his face, or something else. “It’s been a real pleasure, Sergeant Holly.”

Holly stood watching her carry the baby up the stairs and into Doc Adams’ office, then turned around and, singing off-key and making the words up as he went along, he headed for the Long Branch to find out how far he had to go to get Hannah Cobb’s goat.

 

* * *

 

Kitty hadn’t intended to mention running into Sergeant Holly, at least not tonight, but somehow his name slipped out during their conversation at supper. Matt was tired and not in the best mood after spending the day fixing the barn roof with Chester, and reacted about the way she’d expected.

“Kitty, I don’t even want to hear that man’s name right now. The last thing in the world I plan on doing is having a drink with him, tonight or any other night. As a matter of fact, I was planning to turn in when we get done eating. I’ve got to get up before daylight tomorrow so we can--” He stopped in the middle of the sentence when he saw that Kitty was looking at him intently. She had on her best poker face and he had no idea what, if anything, she was upset about. There was only one way to find out. “Something wrong?” he asked casually.

“You tell me,” she said softly, not taking her eyes off of him. Matt looked back at her, finally noticing she was wearing his favorite green dress, something he hadn’t seen her in in quite a while. He looked down at the table, at the remnants of what he belatedly noticed were one of her special suppers, with food he couldn’t pronounce. _Oh, no. Proceed carefully._

“Kitty, how did the visit with Doc go?”

“It went fine.” she answered tightly. “Madeleine’s gained a pound since last month. Doc says that’s good.”

“Well, good, that’s fine. And what about you?” Fool that he was, he’d forgotten the importance of this particular doctor’s visit.

Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. “Everything’s fine.”

Matt wanted to kick himself. Tonight depended on how Kitty’s visit with Doc went. Everything was fine, only now it wasn’t. “Look, Kitty, I--” He was interrupted by Madeleine, crying insistently from her cradle in the other room.

“She’s probably hungry,” Kitty said, getting up quickly. “I should go change out of this dress before something happens to it.”

Matt rose with her. “I’ll go get her while you get ready. We’ll talk afterwards, all right?” He put his arms around her and she nodded silently.

Kitty sat in the rocker in their bedroom, nursing Maddy and trying not to cry. After years of the badge taking Matt away at the most inopportune times, and that one time he fell asleep across her bed when she stepped out of the room for two minutes, she shouldn’t have been surprised or have been so upset. Except that this was different. It wasn’t like him to just forget a special night for no apparent reason. She’d missed him, and she thought he’d missed her, and that they were both looking forward to tonight. Well, maybe he wasn’t looking forward to it after all, and now, the more she thought about it, neither was she. The last few months, she’d come to think of her body as something to carry and feed a child and not much more. Matt had been patiently waiting all that time, or so she’d thought. Maybe that’s all he thought of her body now, too. Something to bear and take care of his child. Maybe he just didn’t want her any more. Even to talk about it-- _we’ll talk afterwards_ , he’d said. Well, she could talk and feed the baby at the same time, couldn’t she? Where was he? Why couldn’t they talk right now?

She woke to find Matt taking the baby from her arms. “Honey, you both fell asleep. I’ll go put her to bed.” Kitty yawned and started putting herself back together.

“I’ll go take care of the dishes and you can get to bed,” she said, surprised that he wasn’t already stretched out on his side of the bed, snoring.

“The dishes are done.”

_Well._ She wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. She appreciated that he didn’t always leave all the housework for her, the way she heard most husbands did. But she was still upset with him for forgetting. She stood at the bedroom window looking out at the twilight until Matt came back.

“She’s all tucked in,” he said as he came to stand behind her. He rested his hands at her waist. “You think she’ll sleep all night?”

“Will it matter if she does?” she asked him shakily, continuing to look out the window and not at him.

“Look, Kitty, I’m sorry for being stupid.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her a little closer to him. “I was so busy today I forgot all about tonight and I don’t have any other excuse. And then your dress and the supper should have made me remember, but I was so tired and hungry I barely noticed, and that’s no excuse, either. We’ve been waiting so long for tonight, and I’m sorry I disappointed you, honey.”

Kitty stood there, thinking about all he’d said and done that night. She was starting to feel a little better about things, but she still wasn’t convinced he wanted her.

Matt sighed in frustration and suddenly pulled her the rest of the way to him and began kissing the back of her neck. “You, know, Kitty, I kinda thought I had some influence with the lady of the house.”

“You do.” That old “‘influence” line still had power over her. She was slightly more convinced.

“You don’t want to show me how it works?” He moved his hands from her waist to her ribcage and kissed his way along her shoulder and collarbone.

“‘Show you how it works?’ You sure you want to see it, Matt? Nothing is where it used to be.”

“It’s still there, isn’t it?”

“Oh, it’s still there all right, and a little extra besides.” she said ruefully.

Matt’s hands slid further up her ribcage and he looked down over her shoulder appreciatively. “I kind of like the ‘little extra,” he murmured softly against her ear. Why was she so worried, anyway? Hadn’t Matt shown her, in every other way possible the last few months, how much he loved her? And he was making it quite obvious he still wanted her as well.

She looked up at him. “Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying the view, Matt. I was beginning to think you’d stopped looking at me.”

“Oh, I’m planning on doing a lot more than just looking. Now that we can finally have a proper wedding night.”

The words “wedding night” finally convinced her. _Of course._ She loved and wanted him, too, and they had a lot of catching up to do. She turned around to face him. Giving him her most dazzling smile, she shook her head slowly.

“Proper? _Tonight?_ Not on your life, Cowboy.”

 

 

_Cowboy take me away_   
_Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue_   
_Set me free_   
_Oh, I pray_   
_Closer to heaven above and closer to you, closer to you_

“Cowboy Take Me Away” Sung by Dixie Chicks, written by Marcus Hummon and Martha Seidel

 

 

 

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little explanation of why I began Chapter 27 with the date March 30. This was the chapter in which Kitty went into labor, with the baby being born on March 31. As many Gunsmoke fans know, this was the date of the last first-run episode of the series. My story was intended to be an alternate Season 20, which makes the baby's birth the last episode of the season. I won't say last episode of the series, because, thanks to fan fiction, our favorite series can have many, many more seasons.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited slightly from originally published version to correct typos and general awkwardness.


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